Aki no Gensou
by cappie
Summary: In the future Tomoyo and Eriol are tortured by the past, and try to live their life as best they can. When changes happen in the world how will Tomoyo and Eriol react, and will this new change bring love, or lonliness? COMPLETE
1. Chapter One: Chigiru

Ryoko One: Dammit, I dont own CLAMP, card captor sakura, ect. heck, I dont own anything at least company wise> so you can't sue me. Okay, thats my ranting. Enjoy the story, and tell me what you think.   
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Aki no Genso   
Chapter one. 

The sun filtered in through the reed blinds into Tomoyo's bedroom. She pulled a piece of her thick hair behind her ears, and she sketched a few designs, adding dashes of yellow and copper orange. It was one of those lazy crisp fall days in Kyoto. The kind that make you want to stay at home, and watch the leaves drift slowly to the ground in the puffs of breeze.   
She had lived alone in an apartment for one and a half years now, sense she had started her college life after graduating high school. Tomoyo looked up momentarily, to gaze at the scarlet Japanese maple outside her open window on the third floor. A whisper of wind blew, and a few leaves scattered daintily to the ground. Her appearance hadn't altered much sense she was a young girl. Her thick black hair had perhaps grown longer, and her face a more mature and womanly appearance about it, and she had filled out. But all these were elements of growing up, as any person eventually does.   
The window was open, and the cold afternoon air made her snuggle underneath her covers even more as she listened to the sounds of the outside. A car went by, and some people down bellow were idly chatting about the upcoming holiday season. Tomoyo lived in an older part of Kyoto, where the bustle of cars was not as frequent, and instead the sights and smells of something old and forgotten took place. She could easily walk from her apartment to her college, but most of the time she preferred ridding on her trust worthy bike as she sped through the narrow alleyways, filled with brightly colored zinnia's in terra-cotta pots and the smells of freshly cooked fish.   
These sights and smells reminded her of where she grew up, which seemed far away now. Now that she had come to Kyoto and was in college everything seemed different, as if she had looked at the world from a completely different perspective by turning it upside down and side to side. Kyoto was the center of fashion, which Tomoyo majored in. Her teachers told her that she had great promise if she worked hard, and now that she wasn't preoccupied by Sakura as much, she often spent hours beyond hours in room drawing away, much to her cat's, Meiru's, contentment. 

Sakura had returned from China with Li a few weeks ago, after visiting Li's family and friends, and now they were taking a leave from school to visit the sites of Japan with her brother and Yukito. As she listened to the voices down bellow she thought of the four wandering around the quaint country towns, until she was interrupted by a phone call.   
She sighed, unhappy that the pleasant quietness was now broken, as she reached across the bed to the phone. As she breathed into the phone she kept her eyes fixed on the tree outside her window, as she absent mildly stroked Meiru's soft fur.   
"Hai, Moshi Moshi, Daijouji desu."   
"Konnichiwa Tomoyo-chan!" a familiar voice chirped into the phone.   
Tomoyo smiled and began talking to her old friend, Sakura. 

By the time she had hung up the phone, she had learned a great many things. The first of which was that the four were taking the bullet train from Tokyo down to Kyoto to have a visit for a week. The second she learned was that the party would no longer be four; but five. Sakura, however had refused to tell her who they had 'mysteriously' met in Shinjuku. The third was that they would be arriving tomorrow at 3:30, and if possible she could meet them at the station. She had agreed, of course.   
Tomoyo looked back at the window, happy and yet sad that they were coming. Whenever she saw Sakura she wouldn't get over it for weeks, it just seemed to disturb her life style. She would sit and brood over Sakura, or perhaps fantasizing about her, and cursing herself for letting it get to her. Tomoyo really didn't love Sakura as she did before, but there was no one else she could love in that way she had loved Sakura, so she convinced herself her feelings remained the same as they had always been. She shook her head, saying to herself that Sakura was her best friend, and she should never be sad that Sakura was visiting. However, as much as she hated to admit it, Sakura and her had grown apart. She shook her head once again, and knew that deep down in her heart they really hadn't, and that it was the separation of living 100 miles away that caused this.   
She consulted her bedside clock. She didn't have any classes until 9 pm, so she might as well start cleaning for their visit tomorrow.   


The next day went on without any differences in Tomoyo's schedule. She got up early, and went to her seven o'clock piano lessons, even though she was better then the teacher, although no one cared to admit it. So began every Sunday in Kyoto, and from the piano lessons she would jump on her bike and whizz down to the University.   
The day was warmer then yesterday, but not by much. And at two thirty Tomoyo hurried home and took a quick shower and changed into cotton gold colored dress with accents of cream and sky blue. This dress was one of her creations she had dreamt up the fall before for her final in sewing class. It was obvious that it was her work, for it fit Tomoyo's structure perfectly, and looked like the highest quality out there on the market. She changed into a pair of cream stockings and slipped into a pair of black shoes before grabbing her thick warm gray coat and her small wallet and rushing down the stairs to hail a taxi.   
By the time she arrived at the station it was three fifteen. _ It was always good to arrive early,_ was one of Tomoyo's rules. She sat down on a bench and consulted her watch. Twenty minutes to go. She looked around and watched the busy people walk by, glad she wasn't one of them.   
Her peaceful life suited her. When she was young she had enjoyed the adventures her and Sakura had shared with the Clow cards, but some how she felt strangely left out of the cosmic circle. Even Sakura's brother shared a role in Sakura's destiny as the Clow Mistress. The only thing she could do was supply a never ending amount costumes and make Li and Sakura a couple. However, now that both of her missions had been carried out, she left even more alone. Life had never been the same after the day that Li returned from Japan. Of course, everyone acted like nothing had changed, but secrets lay lurking everywhere. By the time Touya had turned 19 he had told his father his feelings for Yukito, and soon after they had moved in together. Sakura was shocked by this, and for a while it was very uncomfortable between them, but eventually life became "normal" once again. Normal for Tomoyo was accompanying Li and Sakura to amusement parks, and movies, but at the time both of them had raging hormones that it just turned out to be uncomfortable for all.   
As the years went by Tomoyo's love for Sakura weakened and weakened, until finally they were just 'best friends', which is what Sakura had always seen her as, nothing more. Of course, Tomoyo had dated, but all the boys were so typical and held no grace or charm with them, and after 2 years Tomoyo had given up. In the back of her memory however, she still held on to Sakura, afraid to reach out to anything else. 

She looked up suddenly, from her trance of years gone by, and quickly consulted her watch. It was three thirty five. Soon she would see them, and for the next week her life wouldn't be the same.   
She stood up and waited, scanning the hustle and bustle of the crowd, until finally she saw a glimpse of something between the crowd that resembled Sakura's face. A moment later a flash of Yukito's, until finally she heard a cry of joy, "Tomoyo-chan!" as Sakura pushed her way through the crowd to embrace her friend.   
"Konnichiwa Sakura chan!" Tomoyo laughed as the two held there embrace. It had only been a couple of months sense she had seen them during summer vacation, but it seemed like an eternity.   
"How are you?" Tomoyo asked, looking at Sakura, "Its obvious to tell that you are the happiest girl alive." Tomoyo continued as she glanced at Li who flushed and looked down at the floor.   
Sakura laughed, and said, "Sou desu ne?"   
The two turned to the rest and Tomoyo bowed respectfully. Sakura just smiled as she observed the five.   
Tomoyo blinked suddenly, remembering, "Wasn't there supposed to be someone else with you?"   
"Oh, he had to go make a quick phone call." Yukito explained hurriedly.   
The five of them exchanged glances.   
Touya casually turned around, his thick eye brows raising a quarter of an inch, "Oh. Here he comes."   
Tomoyo leaned forward bit to see past Li's body. There she was met with a stranger who was mysteriously familiar. The man walked up, his eyes smiling, as he surveyed the scene. The group was quiet, until Sakura inputted.   
"Tomoyo chan, you remember, of course, Hiiragizawa Eriol, ne?"   
Tomoyo's eyes widened. _Of course. How could I not have recognized him?? _Hirragizawa Eriol still looked the same as he had always done, except a bit more mature in his features, and taller. His hair remained in the same classic style, and from behind his small designer lends his eyes glinted as if filled with hidden knowledge he chose not to share with the world.   
Tomoyo smiled warmly, it was indeed a shock to see the last person in the world she had expected.   
"Of course. Hiiragizawa san. Its so good to see you." Tomoyo replied as she bowed, rather too politely.   
He spoke quietly, "Yes it indeed has been to long."   
The group seemed to very quiet, as if no one breathed, and the station no longer real. The people no longer walked by, and the world no longer ceased to be except for the six.   
Yukito coughed politely, and said, "We better hail a taxi to our hotel."   
Tomoyo picked up one of Sakura's bag's that Li was struggling to keep hold on to. He mumbled a non descript "Thanks." As Tomoyo wondered allowed, "I thought perhaps you could drop your luggage off at the hotel, and perhaps join me for some tea. I know its been a long trip, so I'm sure a nice cup of tea will do you good in this weather."   
Sakura's eyes gleamed, as she answered, "Tomoyo chan, you know for a FACT that none of us could resist your tarts and cookies."   
Tomoyo added wisely as they began to walk, "Sakura chan, that is common knowledge."   
From behind her she heard Eriol chuckle as he swung his luggage. He questioned, "Am I invited to your humble abode?"   
Tomoyo turned around, her mouth smirking, "Why ever would you not be?"   
Hiiragizawa Eriol just smiled knowingly as the walked out into the crisp autumn air. 

By the time the six reached Tomoyo's apartment it was 4:10. Tomoyo explained as they climbed the three flights of stairs, "Its easier just to take the stairs, the elevator takes forever and a day."   
She seemed like the only one besides Sakura and Eriol who weren't breathing heavily as they climbed the steep stairs. After all, both Touya, Yukito, and Li still had their thick coats on.   
She unlocked the door, and the six of them walked in.   
She couldn't have picked a more perfect time for anyone to come into her apartment. The golden autumn light streamed into her dining room, and her mobile of jagged colored glass tinkled in the light breeze as it set the room into a multicolored fantasy.   
The thick white carpet had an array of rugs in deep colors of eggplant, and an almost black green, however the whiteness of the carpet and of the walls gave the room a peaceful feeling.   
In the center of the room was a small table with six chairs around it. An intricate lace table cloth splashed over the edges looking as if it wanted to swim to the floor. In the center of the table a vase full of fresh white daisies hung over the edges of the china were hungrily.   
She smiled, and motioned her hands for them to sit down. Yukito, Touya, and Li took off their heavy coats, and draped them rather nonchalantly over the edge of chair that sat by the door. As they sat down the three exchanged looks, as if they were not used to this, however Eriol and Sakura looked completely at home as Eriol fingered a petal of a daisy, and Sakura studied the pattern on the napkins.   
The glass mobile tinkled as a soft breeze swept through the apartment.   
Tomoyo bustled around the kitchen as she commented about the daisy's that Eriol was studying, "Those are probably the last ones of the seasons."   
Sakura's head snapped up as she commented, "I suppose you could always get hot house ones, I mean, there isn't that much of a difference, ne?"   
Eriol spoke, "Yes, but hot house flowers never seem real for some reason, and their petals waxy."   
Sakura looked towards Tomoyo, and waited for another comment, instead she nodded her head as she placed the tea pot on her stove, and opened a shelf above her head.   
Li spoke a little embarrassed, "A very nice apartment you have here."   
Touya added, "Very modern."   
Tomoyo leaned her head to the side as her hands searched above her head for something.   
"You don't like modern?"   
Touya stiffened a bit, and added, "I like traditional japanese, but Yukito here is trying to convince me that modern and japanese style have much of the same aspects."   
Eriol nodded, "That's true."   
A quiet hung over the table. It was a very uncomfortable silence, until Tomoyo sliced it by saying, "So, how was your trip, tell me all about it."   
And soon after that the apartment was no longer filled with the whispers of the breeze, instead the playful laughs and sighs of a forgotten trip being recalled from the sands of time. By the time the tea yelled shrilly, the four had told them about nearly a week of their trip. Tomoyo smiled, and continued on with the pleasantries, but as she listened, she realized more and more, that she enjoyed the solitude she had been experiencing for the past months.   
Her eyes frequently were drawn to Eriol, who remained quiet and alone even though he was surrounded by people.   
_He feels the same way I do. Uncomfortable and he wants to be alone with his thoughts._   
She kept this observation to herself as she served the tea, and brought out a plate of devon cream and scones. The conversation seemed only to be involved in the four and the Tomyo and Eriol sat quietly listening, their minds in another place. Far, far away.   
It was nearly dusk by the time they left, and yet there were so many things she had meant to ask Sakura, that had seemed to die from her mind.   
Eriol was the last one to leave, for he insisted that one; he would find his way to the hotel on his own, for he had a few people he wished to visit, and two; he had never tasted such good tea in Japan.   
The two remained quiet as Tomoyo silently sipped her tea as she strained to watch the leaves fall through the sky until it was two dark. Eriol on the other hand at times got up and walked around her apartment, tinkling the glass mobile, and looking out at her view.   
They had not yet spoken a word. It was not an uncomfortable silence, instead it was one of solitude, for both of them were unaware of the other, their minds focussing on other things.   
Eriol thought back to England, as he imagined the wind swept meadows, and the deep gray sea that never ended in destroying the rocks that bade at its door step. He thought of Kaho, her body being eaten slowly, slowly, by the worms that infested the ground, and her beautiful hair now becoming one with the earth. And in a sick perverted way Eriol thought of the world as the biggest cad of them all, being both man and woman as he eternally made love to them until they were blown by its power and became no more, only dust in which the globe could laugh at, for being so foolish as to allow themselves to fall prey to him..   
It was strange how her death still affected him, and as he slowly grasped his own hands to pull himself out of the void, his eyes rested on the face of Tomoyo. It was obvious that over the years her sorrow seemed to no longer show on her face, only a look of calmness remained there, but one could tell by the way that she stayed perfectly still that she dreamed of something more. Some passion that would never be hers. And it was obvious, as he gazed at her that this passion was Sakura.   
He closed his eyes and asked himself, _Should I go in?_ And yet, even if he didn't want to as he opened his eyes he was already there. In her mind. He looked back into the past memories, of her and Syoaran talking of his feelings for Sakura, of Syoaran's return, of the distant nights she spent alone, and of her fantasies that terminally haunted her. 

He wrenched himself out of this dark place, and contemplated that strangely the two were the same, in that love had drained from clasped hands, and been given to another.   
Eriol gently placed his hands on her shoulder, and she jumped as she looked up at him.   
He smiled, ever so gently, and whispered, "I think I have over stayed my welcome."   
She got up, and proclaimed, "What are you talking about?? Of course you haven't!"   
He grinned, and said, "I will be staying in Kyoto for a month, I hope to see you again. Perhaps you will give me a tour of the Kiyomizu temple, I have heard so much about?"   
She smiled, and she herself almost believed it was sincere, "I would love to, just call me. I am usually home, after four."   
He nodded as he drained his cup, and walked to the door, whimsically adding, "The tea was delicious. British?"   
Tomoyo said startled, "Of course." as the door slowly closed. 

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Well, there you have it. Chapter one of Aki no Genso. Just to let you all know, Aki is fall, and Genso(o) is allusion. So the tittle of the story is "Illusion of Fall."   
This promises to be a slightly darker and adult story. When I say adult, I don't mean like rated R, or anything, but it will be not as bubble gummy and will be more realistic. It doesn't seem so, huh? Ah, oh well. Also, note: sorry for mis-spelled words, and stuff like that. I am just naturally stupid when it comes to spelling. >. 

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	2. Chapter Two: Hitsuyo

TomoyoandEriol2 One: Dammit, I dont own CLAMP, card captor sakura, ect. heck, I dont own anything at least company wise> so you can't sue me. Okay, thats my ranting. Enjoy the story, and tell me what you think.   
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Aki no Genso   
Chapter two. 

A quiet lazy sunlight fought its way through Tomoyo's reed bedroom blinds.   
It was now late October, and the crimson Japanese maple outside Tomoyo's window was rapidly loosing its leaves. The days were colder, and the light seemed the color of weak tea, and no longer the color of sunflowers as it streamed in through her open windows. Three weeks ago her life had drastically changed for what seemed an eternity. Everyday after her classes, her guests of them went out and explore, and discovered for themselves the heart of Kyoto. Many a time it had just been her and Sakura, going out for a 'girls' time , for they knew wisely that the boys found the cute corner shops in the Gion boring, and would wait outside, idly chatting.   
During that week she seemed either from one extreme of being with Sakura (and company) to being solitary taking notes in her classes. She hadn't seen Eriol from that first visit, and perhaps, she contemplated, she drove him away by her wandering off into her fantasies while they idly sipped tea.   
She had felt his presence watching over her mind, and yet she did not stop imagining, until he pulled himself out. Sakura would often complain about how she never saw Eriol kun, and how his phone seemed to ring on and on until she gave up in disgust.   
In wasn't until an abnormally cold October day, that she heard any word from Eriol. Sakura and her counterparts had long sense gone, and she presumed Eriol was now back in England.   
Tomoyo was snuggled on her couch as she poured herself a cup of tea, and placed a bowel of rice placed firmly on her lap. She usually ate this, when she felt like nothing else would appeal to her. She had just flopped down on the couch, and began randomly watching some historical japanese drama when the phone from the coffee table shrilly ringing, upsetting Meiru.   
Tomoyo cooed, "Daijoubu da." as she quickly settled him down on the couch, and grabbed the phone.   
With eyes fixed to the T.V. she answered, "Moshi Moshi."   
A crisp cool voice greeted her. "Konnichiwa, Daijouji-san. Hiiragizawa desu."   
She blinked, W_hat would he being calling me for? _she replied, "Hiiragizawa san? Ne. Its been a while."   
A brief silence followed, then "Yes, sorry about not calling you. I had some important things to deal with here. But...now I am all free, and I was wondering if perhaps tomorrow, if your not free that is, if you could show me the famed Kiyomizu temple?"   
Tomoyo sighed, and silently thought of the cool, calm and handsome Hiiragizawa grinning down at the receiver. Why was he calling her out of the blue? Did he expect her to be free, as if she had no life? Truth be told she was always free and yet hidden vein of anger began to pump.   
Her eyes flashed to her art deco calendar above the cabinet, "Tomorrow? That's the 28, ne? Yes, I should be free all day. What time?" She sounded pathetic.   
Once again a brief silence followed, "I think I best leave that up to you."   
Tomoyo thought back to the first time she had been to the temple, it had been late afternoon, and the light affects were startling. "How about late afternoon? Around four?"   
"That's fine." he said, "Tomorrow afternoon, how about we meet at the Yokusai Coffee House, and for troubling you I'll by you a cup."   
Tomoyo smirked, _This guy is good. _"You really don't have to, but" she continued before he could change his mind, "you have convinced me. I know where it is, so I will see you then."   
"Good bye, then."   
"Good bye." She said coldly, and hung up the phone before she could think of something deliciously obnoxious to say to him.   
Eriol placed down the receiver and grinned, glad that his mission had been accomplished. He had walked by Tomoyo's house many a time, and was almost shocked to see her there. Either she was at home, or school, and never in between. She, like him was beginning to enjoy solitude a bit too much.   
Later that night, Tomoyo opened a bottle of liquor and poured herself a glass as she idly watch a sex scene on the movie she was watching filter by. The sighs in the background and the moans excited her, and yet there was nothing she could do. She had no one. She no longer had Sakura, the only person her body ever wantingly cried out for. She poured herself another glass and drank it down as she watched the T.V. reach the climax. She poured herself another glass... 

By the time Tomoyo woke up the next morning the tree was bare, and abnormally the world seemed strangely surrealistic. The sky was too blue, and to startling, and the clouds that floated lazily across the sky seemed to pop out at you, as if one continually wore 3D glasses. Today was to silent, to cold, to crisp, and to cunning for Tomoyo. She skipped classes that day, marveling that she could. She often spent hours beyond hours reading the text books, and designing her newest dark thought out onto the page. She was so far ahead even if she missed two weeks of school, and did no essays she could still pass with flying colors. This thought scared her and disturbed her even more, for in seemed that she was living in a glass dome in which the only thing that changed was the tree that stood outside her window.   
During the day we swam in between sleep filtered fantasies of Sakura, and the strange thought that Eriol was the crown prince of the Tokugawa era. She had stayed up to late last night, she dimly thought as she sipped the thick black brew in her hands. Her glazed eyes fell to the couch were she saw an empty bottle of liquor, frantically leaning against the T.V. cabinet.   
_So that was it._ She dimly realized, as she felt her head ache screaming against the brain.   
It wasn't until mid day that she remembered about Eriol. She almost thought of calling him back and telling him she had to cancel, but then, she realized she didn't have his number. She cursed as she undressed herself and climbed half heartedly into the shower.   
By the time she emerged, steaming and slightly boiled she felt like she could take on anything. Showers usually did this to her, cleansing her depression ridded soul and creating her anew like some sick cycle of nature. She consulted the clock and sighed as she prepared herself for the opposite sex, slightly excited, and yet slightly expecting the worse. After all this was the mysterious Hiiragizawa Eriol. 

Eriol brushed a leather gloved hand through his hair. It was rather cold today, of course he never felt the cold. Growing up on the wild coast of england would cause anyone to be used to the crisp and yet cruel autumn breeze that sliced through peoples clothing. In his memory he could still picture the moor that day they had buried her. It was a dark, bleak day, the clouds were just waiting to down poor on you, and yet they hung cruelly above ones head, making people ponder to leave their umbrella's in the car or not.   
The moor was too green that day, too perfect, too solitary, and too cruel. Eriol had a pair of dark sunglasses over his bloodshot eyes as he gingerly tossed a bouquet of yellow roses onto the coffin as it was being lowered.   
As he looked back on it now, the actions of the day seemed strangely like something out of a cheap 1950's movie. The preacher recited the ever famous lines, "Ashes to ashes...dust to dust..." and sharp wind blew, and yet it remained quiet out on the moor, the only thing uttering a word was the wind that howled. Eriol had said a few words, three to be precise, and then the clouds grinned in a cynical way and began the onslaught of rain, causing the moor to turn into miles beyond miles of standing water. The service abruptly ended. The black covered people scurried like a sick animal to their cars, and even the preacher ran for shelter. All who remained was the sun tanned worker, sweat mingling with the rain against his bare skin as he continued shoveling the bits of all the dead people of the earth on top of her.   
Eriol walked slowly, the sunglasses making it seemed like the darkest hour of the night. His umbrella proudly covered his head as he walked to the cliff, wear the land met the sea in an abrupt drop.   
He wanted to jump, and had speculated for much time before the service, however in the end he watched the waves of rain, and the crashing of the ocean waves against the jagged rocks where he might have met his fate. A lone windswept tree bowed against the wind, and provided a much needed shelter as the rain seeped into his body so that he could not escape.   
Kaho had met her fate this way. No, not by pining over a lover on a deserted sea cliff, but no, by the sea. Her death scared him in ways he had not thought possible, making him remember just how painful and cruel, and powerful the earth was.   
Much to his revolt the world continued on as it always had. The winter would turn to spring, and back to fall in no time, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Kaho's body would turn into thick fleshy soil, as would his eventually. There was no stopping this vicious cycle. 

The strange golden light of late afternoon momentarily blinded his eyes as he covered them with his gloved hands. He hadn't realized where he was walking, and found himself in a deserted alley way, a rusted and mossy trash can as his only company. He back tracked and arrived a few minutes before Tomoyo. This gave him enough time to wipe his brow, which was secreting a cold sweat, and to ask the waitress for a glass of water. By the time Tomoyo reached the scene he had regained his cool composure.   
He stood up, blowing quickly and curtly, and he noticed by the corner of his eye she did the same, purely this was not a visit either of them wanted to make.   
"Konnichiwa." Eriol mumbled as he silently sighed to himself, _Damn I hate all this japanese formality..._   
Tomoyo gave an almost winning smile, and returned, "Konnichiwa." as she seated herself in one fluid graceful motion.   
The ever persistent waitress appeared, and the two gave their orders. The two ordered plain black coffee, however Tomoyo added to hers by adding a muffin, which she later explained was because she hadn't eaten all day.   
Eriol brushed this aside, and continued on with the formalities, "So how have you been?" _Obviously terrible. She still hasn't gotten over Sakura- however its not like I should be talking. _He grumbled to himself.   
"Oh...I have been getting by. The end of autumn gets me down, I am not one for snow."   
Eriol serenely sipped his coffee and added, "Snow can be fun just as long as you don't have to shovel it."   
Tomoyo's violet eyes looked up from her coffee cup, silently acknowledging this well known fact.   
"However...." Tomoyo continued, her head sweeping to the window at the front of the shop, "Today is purely beautiful. The light is abnormally golden. This will probably be the last day of fall I will see all year."   
Eriol made no reply, and instead studied Tomoyo's hand. Particularly a small scar. She hadn't touched her muffin.   
Tomoyo quickly, and sharply turned towards Eriol, "Lets just cut all the formalities. I know you don't want to do it, and neither do I."   
Eriol although startled, remained his cool as he gingerly fingered the spoon.   
"Well then, why don't we be completely honest." he replied.   
Tomoyo was sharp today, despite her hangover this morning, "Why did you really invite me? I haven't heard a single word from you for at least eight years, and then you just show up, conveniently right under Sakura's nose."   
Eriol grinned, "Well, you have got me there, you're correct in assuming that I wasn't totally unaware of Sakura san being Shinjuku that day."   
Tomoyo nearly grinned at her victory, however she had more to say, "And then...a month later, you call me up, out of the blue and believe when I know that this is purely out of courtesy"   
Eriol leaned forward onto the table, once again sipping his coffee, the cup was a good way to avoid Tomoyo's eyes. "There, you're wrong. The truth is, and you know as well as I that ; loneliness enjoys company."   
She quickly breathed in, and before she was able to utter a word Eriol spoke again, his voice soft, but harsh, "Lets just cut the crap. I know that your depressed, perhaps even to the point of hopelessness or even suicide, even though I doubt you are that weak." He watched Tomoyo's eyes flash to her wrist then back to his face in a second of time. "I guess, I could say I am weak too...however..... yours is partly due to Sakura's visit. Even I know that you loved her, your body still trembles when you see her, just as you realized however many years ago that Kaho and I were romantically involved."   
Tomoyo was slightly taken aback, "I- I- well, yes I knew about it of course. And Sakura-"   
Eriol grinned, _It wouldn't be good if I upset her too much now. Better calm down._   
He put his finger to his lips, and made a soft sarcastic sound of a snake, "Sssh. Your secret is safe with me. ...And for my silence, you can know one of mine. Kaho is dead."   
Tomoyo nearly gasped, however this news was not as shocking as it appeared to be. It was obvious by Eriol's far of look in his eye that his thoughts were elsewhere, beyond life, in another place that she could never understand. It was now made clear that his thoughts reached out to her.   
There was a deep silence, the sound of the coffee shop the only sign that these two were alive. Tomoyo smiled wryly, and said as she grabbed her purse, "Lets not ruin this outing, ne? It's not often I get out of the apartment."   
Eriol sighed in relief as he grabbed his wallet and threw a few yen down on the table, "Lets go then, shall we?"   
The muffin was still untouched. 

The streets seemed strangely deserted that day, which Tomoyo thought strange. Usually in fall the streets were packed with tourists who climbed up the slope to reach the hill top temple. Used to her daily stair climbing Tomoyo found the climb up the narrow vender filled streets to the temple as easy as pie, and Eriol seemed to believe so too.   
A few times Tomoyo was halted as Eriol rushed into a street side vendor, and emerged holding a box of pudding and dark chocolate flavored pocky. Eriol gave her an inquisitive look, his eye brows raising, "Which?"   
Tomoyo blinked, and then was over come by the question. "Oh. Um, dark chocolate."   
Eriol raised an eye brow again, "You like dark chocolate?"   
Tomoyo who had already opened the box and was unsealing the plastic bag looked up, a startled and questioning look on her face, "Un. Why? Did you want it?"   
Eriol grunted a 'no', and continued, "I always just figured as dark chocolate as more of a manly kind of food."   
Tomoyo sighed, trying to keep hold of her temper, "That was a very sexist thing to say. But, sense this is only pocky and dark chocolate we are talking about, I won't hold it against you."   
Eriol grinned, glad at his defeat until he felt a sharp stab of pain in his ear. And he realized Tomoyo had flicked his ear. He sharply looked at her, about to tell her off, until before he could a grin sprouted on her face as she bit off a piece of the pocky, "That's a warning, Mr. Masculinity."   
Eriol just grinned. Now they were even. 

"Ne. Hiiragizawa san, this is the tenth shop we have stopped by. Soon its going to be night time..." Tomoyo sighed as she dug a piece of pocky out of her purse and bit off of it, as if she were biting a piece of meat off a bone.   
"Yes. Yes. Hold on." Eriol mumbled as he carefully examined a small ceramic incense holder, in the shape of a pig. It had a cylinder like shape, with openings at either end for the scented smoke to escape from. Its markings were of small blue shaped curly cues. For 900 yen it wasn't a bad buy.   
He unconsciously heard Tomoyo grunt as she fiddled around with her cell phone. He had better buy it quick or she might ditch him. He whisked up the little item and threw 950 yen to the clerk before he stuffed it into his coat pocket and called to Tomoyo, "Common, we should hurry up."   
Tomoyo sighed, and remained quiet. Eriol REALLY knew how to press her buttons.   
The climbed up the steps to the temple and purchased their tickets (which doubled as bookmarks) and began the scenic walk through the grounds. A small chinese style pagoda rushed in front of them, after they had finished washing their hands out of the cool bamboo faucet. At the far end across from this was a railing, from which could be seen the ground about fifty feet below him. Forests covered the hills, and the tops of trees swayed gently in the late afternoon breeze.   
The two silently looked over the view, until Tomoyo said quietly, "We had better get to the best part before the sun sets soon, ne?"   
Eriol silently nodded as he was led to the main deck off the main shrine. The late autumn golden sun hovered tantalizingly close to the edge of the horizon, slowly slipping. The two gazed out as the windows of shops and office buildings happily glinted back at them. The world seemed to be washed in this yellow gold, and momentarily Eriol felt his breath silently being held in the back of throat by the view. He cautiously turned towards Tomoyo, to see if the effect of the power of nature was having the same affect. To his astonishment her eyes looked almost as if they were about to spill out millions of tears, however this must have been an effect by the sun, for a few moments late after the sun had slipped back behind the hills her face looked the same.   
She turned towards him, her voice slightly witty, and yet strangely sad echoed, "Well, we might as well get to the part where the common people go to."   
Eriol grunted, "We are certainly not common, Tomoyo."   
Tomoyo just grinned wickedly, "That's what they all say." 

It turned out that where the 'common' people went was a spring down at the bottom, which supposedly when one drank from the three individual facets ,that poured out into a pool at the bottom, would increase your knowledge, beauty, and your healthiness.   
Tomoyo noted wisely that Eriol drank four cups from healthiness, two from beauty, and two from knowledge. She herself was happy with two cups of beauty, three cups of healthiness, and one of knowledge.   
They came from the temple both laughing and full of water. As they both chatted ideally each of them found it strange that they laughed. Of course, they had laughed out of respect, or courtesy, but never for such a long time out of comedy.   
As they idly walked back down the hill leading to the main streets Eriol handed her the incense holder to her.   
She took it and studied it inquisitively.   
Tomoyo looked up, and commented, "Its very cute."   
Eriol replied, "Its for you."   
Tomoyo blinked, "What?"   
Eriol turned towards her, a faint smile on the edge of his lips, "Actually, I want you to make me a tie."   
Tomoyo nearly fell over laughing, however she managed to keep a strait face as she asked sarcastically, "A tie?"   
Eriol, on the other hand was taking the matter most seriously, "Yes. A tie."   
_Damn. Its hard to get a strait answer out of him. _Tomoyo grumbled to herself as she ran her hand over the cool rippled surface of the pig.   
"And...you want a picture of the pig on the tie?" Tomoyo guessed wildly.   
Eriol chuckled as he took out a pudding pocky from his pocket. "A tie, with a pig on it? How ludicrous. Actually, that pig is an incense burner. Back in England I grew quiet fond of incense, and the way the smoke floats in curls and fanciful designs. I want you to design me a tie with the pattern of incense smoke on it. The pig is only a present so you can complete the job."   
Eriol failed to mention that it wasn't incense that he had watched, but something else too that smoked.   
Tomoyo answered sternly, "O.K." 

The two parted half way from the hotel, and her apartment.   
Eriol as they were about to part said, "I didn't actually think I would have a satisfactory time."   
Tomoyo sighed, "Neither did I." Then she turned and walked quickly away and called back over her shoulder, "That doesn't mean I like you, you english prick."   
Eriol called out, grinning, "I don't like you either, you stuffy spoiled brat!"   
And with that he turned on his heal to walk to his hotel, crunching on dark chocolate pocky. For he had secretly switched them, because... he hated pudding flavor.   
The next day, Eriol noted dimly as he roused himself from bed, was gray and dark. Yesterday had been the last day of autumn, and today was winter as the dark menacing clouds poured over the hills to cover the city. He silently wondered how Tomoyo was. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
So, there you all go. Part two of Aki no Genso(o). To morbid? Too....I dunno, too something? Well, I am trying to make this in their characters, and not OOC. As you can see, Tomoyo has gotten a thick outside shell, however it can be easily cracked when metioning Sakura, ne? Well, next chapter they visit the Kiyomizu temple, will it be as bad as both thought?   
note: sorry for the misspelled words, spell check can be REALLY annoying at times, also spelling is a lanugage I will never speak fluently. 

Capilaria. furikoto_neko@yahoo.com i-meiru ne, onegai?   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
  



	3. Chapter Three: Tameiki

TomoyoandEriol3 AN: Ok, sorry about not getting this up earlier. Life has been stressful lately. School decided it wanted be be very demanding, and then the job too. *sinks to feet in dispair* And yet, I managed to get it up. So I guess I just like to complain, ne? > Ah, oh well. daijoubu, daijoubu. Okay, anyways, I dont own kondansha, or whatever the company is nor do I own CLAMP, because if I did, I sure as hell wouldnt be writting fanfiction. ^_^ R and R, ne? Oi! And also, incase you r wondering the italisized sections are Eriol thinking to himself, or else Tomoyo thinking to themself. Ok. now. read. ^_^   
~~   


Aki no Genso   
Chapter Three. 

_one year later_

Rain poured violently against Tomoyo's closed windows. The sound was of thousands of seeds, or perhaps a giant brutally knocking against her humble apartment. The wind blew the now gray, stark and bare Japanese maple, as if it was its favorite play toy. People in somber colored clothing rushed quickly through the rain, as if playfully trying to avoid the millions of drops.   
Not one sign of animal life could be seen. No birds playing happily in the dirty puddles that crowded the street. No dogs howling to be let in from the rain. No cats surveying the turmoil from their window view.   
Tomoyo sat at her kitchen countertop, her delicate hand gently adding the blue-grey hues to a distant scene. The clouds exploded out from the brilliantly blue sky, and a rough outlines of a deserted expanse of land could be seen. Tomoyo often worked on this sketch when she was waiting, as she was now. Two new black suitcases were by her side, being warmed by Meiru as he sighed contentedly as he stretched out his frame, and began the daily task of cleaning himself.   
Cats were so graceful, the way there squinted eyes were kept closed as they instinctually licked their paw and whisked it behind their ears. They seemed to smile as they did this, as if this one task in their life made it all worth while. A silent trance went on between this ritual and the cat. And nothing, nothing could stop it. Except perhapes...canned cat food.   
Tomoyo pulled up her dark thick gray coat and consulted her watch. Her eyes momentarily blurred out of focus. The taxi should just have pulled down at the bottom of the street. She gently grabbed Meiru and put him into his soft warm cushioned cat carrier. Only the best for her one true companion. He didn't protest, but as soon as he got into the box, he began licking again. She sighed, slightly smiling. Meiru really was something else. Tomoyo stuffed her small sketch pad into the purse, and opened the door to where the elevator lay. She pressed the worn copper 'down' button, and in a matter of minutes the elevator door slowly opened its doors. Almost in a cheerful way. Perhaps something greater then she was telling her, it was time for a change. Something different. New. She dragged her two cumbersome and gigantic bags of luggage into the elevator, and then finally, gently, gently, she picked up the carrier and took one last good look at her apartment, a place she wouldn't see for a six months, and walked out. Shutting the door, and locking it firmly. Sighing silently to herself. A spark. 

Grey light filtered dimly in through her drawn blinds as Tomoyo dimly opened one eye. Suddenly, momentarily forgetting where she was she jumped out of bed, only to find herself in a small and slightly damp hotel room. The wooden floors creaked as she walked over to the window, still half asleep. She pulled the twine string, and the blinds half wantonly rolled up. What greeted her was a small busy street looking out across at old wind and sea blown gray apartments. She smiled, as she thought _Welcome to London. _ Between a gap she could could see the sea, if she squinted and strained her eyes. The light gray mass of water blended in nearly perfectly to the thick dismal coastal fog that hung over the city, like a cat surveying all its territory. The fog suited her right now. It hid the world.   
Meiru hopped down of the heater, a place he had discovered the first night of their stay, and gingerly stretched out his claws on Tomoyo's clothes. Startled she looked down, smiled softly and scooped up the bundle of fur in her arms. He didn't protest, but instead began to purr happily as she fiddled with his ear in her hand.   
She whispered into his ear, causing it to flick a few times, "Today, I must visit someone. No more sleeping until two, ne, Meiru?"   
Meiru responded by kicking his feet against her arm to get more comfortable. She smiled warmly as she walked across the cold floor to her bed, which was an array of sheets, comforters, and downs, all in the same water color like style of blue vertical stripes. It was a a rather nice pattern, she admitted. One way went the sheets, another the down, and another the comforter. Order from chaos.   
She collapsed to her soft and springy bed (almost afraid it might collapse) and pulled the soft quilt over her head, as she allowed herself two more hours of sleep. She still hadn't fully recovered from the time difference here. 

In one year Tomoyo hadn't really changed much. Perhaps she had grown thinner, but overall she looked the same. If one passed her on the street people would think of her as a young beautiful girl...except sadness always crept into her expressions, and so, instead of beauteous, people would describe her as melancholy. She ate alone most of the time, except when she was drunk. It was a good thing that Tomoyo was a cheerful drunk, for if she got depressed she figured that she would no longer be walking down this street.   
It was now eleven o'clock, and the sun had finally broken through the fog, casting England into a totally different view. Instead of grays and blues, the autumn scenery came out into full viewing perfection. Red maple leaves seemed to dance through the air as she walked along the deserted road in a finer part of town. These houses seemed to be around sense the beginning of time, their worn exteriors and large yards with sweeping lawns evident of the fact. Half way down the street was a tall grand house. Its garden was exquisite. The last of the fall roses surrounded the house like a fence, their yellow, violet, and coral blooms welcoming the passerby. A smile. A flowering lavender was planted underneath the roses, giving the effect of walls of flowers. A hint of happiness.   
As Tomoyo eyed the house approvingly, her eyes fell onto the tarnished silver numbers, standing out against the exterior of the house. And as Tomoyo observed more closely, her eyes falling to her hand, where a sliver of paper was grasped, and then once again back to the door, she realized that this was Hiiragizawa Eriol's house.   
~~~~   
_Its not very often that one sees a young beautiful person in this neighbor hood. Most of the residents are old wealth, preferring to stay in their mansions, alone from the world. In fact, Tomoyo, as she curiously looked from house to house, was the only person I had seen in weeks that wasn't over the age of forty walking around._   
_Her eyes flashed like sparks from the houses. No doubt she was taking in everything, like a giant walking sponge. She had lost weight, and yet her beauty radiated off her as it had always done._   
_I had been watching her for ten minutes now, and yet she seemed unaware, as if memories were flashing before her eyes._   
_She is still the same as she ever was. The news will hit her hard. I hope she will last._   
~~~~~ 

About 10 months ago Tomoyo had received a small cream envelope in her mail. The japanese characters on the outside were beautiful, almost like calligraphy. And in the upper right hand corner was marked the word, Hiiragizawa.   
Enclosed, on a plain transparent piece of light lavender mulberry paper read, in a shining emerald script. 

To Ms. Daijouji   
After receiving your package a little less than two weeks ago,   
I must say I am delighted with my tie. I know to you it seems   
ludicrous that I ask you to make me a tie. And yet the way you   
inked the fabric was superb. Although we never made at agree-   
ment on how much you will be paid, I believe that 40000 yen   
would be sucifient. After all, it is a Daijouji one of a kind.   
You are probably wondering, how I got your address.   
For your information, I was informed by Ms. Kinomoto.   
I end this letter here.   
Do feel free to write me from time to time. I too get lonely. 

Yours   
Hiiragizawa Eriol. 

Tomoyo smirked. A tie. Of all things in the world he could have asked her for, of all things in the world she could have made, he asked for a tie. She still shook her head in question when she thought of the three weeks she spent gazing at the smoke from incense, or perhaps an occasional cigarette she allowed herself.   
Tomoyo had read this letter thoroughly a few times, and finally set it in her trusty bedside drawer. Promising herself to give the letter no more thought. Eriol was not someone who would understand, although he played the fool and pretended that he knew how she felt. That was crap. However, staying at home, nearly all through the day had its toll, and finally one wet and stormy night in December she responded back. Ever sense then the two had exchanged letters. The only way she could tell that time was passing was by his ever constant letters. Life must have been been hell for Eriol too. Tomoyo dimly remembered a picture he had sent her in spring, himself and his 'family' sitting under sprawling wisteria arbor.   
Winter had been a particularly hard time for Tomoyo this year. School was let out due to winter holidays, and she no longer had homework to keep her preoccupied from loneliness. For a while Tomoyo took to drinking heavily. And yet all through the time, the only instant the pain subsided a little was when she would receive mail from England. A place far away. Hidden in fog.   
In spring it was also hard for Tomoyo. The whole campus flooded onto the parks and sketched the spring fashions to their hearts content. Love and hormones were in the air. Only for Tomoyo, she still wished it was winter, as she dimly watched the cherry blossoms drift to the ground. Wondering how something so beautiful could be so sad. It was better not to think. 

Before school had let out, Tomoyo remembered hazily submitting herself into a contest to study abroad. This was only due to her art teacher, who thought of Tomoyo as an over achiever, however Tomoyo held no regard for such things. She would have preferred to sit and watch the soap opera's at home. Laughing at the foolishness. During the summer she had spent it at a small cabin by the shore with Sakura, and Li. The two seemed to make love every night, the sounds coming through the thin walls tortured her, and often she would stay out on the beach until two a.m. when the two finally fell asleep out of exhaustion, or perhaps courtesy after having realized their moans kept her awake. It was always amazing however that each morning when she awoke they glowed with a fresh start. Maybe sex did that to a person. Tomoyo, or course didn't know. When she returned happily to her apartment she found two letters from Eriol, and one from the her college, explaining she had been excepted. It had taken her a few minutes to think about studying abroad, and how she had submitted, and yet faintly she remembered. Everyday was the same. Tomoyo didn't even smile when she heard the news.   
In a way, going to England was a way of escaping Sakura, and Japan. Something she definitely needed to hide from at the moment.   
~   
She snapped her head up, and looked around. How long had she been standing there? She was sure she had looked like an idiot, standing in the middle of a garden. Just standing. She glanced around, and quickly scurried to the front door. Her hand paused at the door, reluctant. Should she knock? After all she hadn't even called him to confirm, and he might be out at the moment. Yes, that was more like it. Where had her manners gone? She nodded and decided to instead put the letter, which Sakura had instructed her specially to give to Eriol in person, and...for some strange reason Sakura said that Tomoyo had to be there when he read it, in his brightly colored mail box.   
"I suppose." A voice called out, "That you thought it was rude of you to come without calling."   
Tomoyo whirled around to where the direction of the voice came from. She squinted, she could hardly see because he was cast in shadows. "Hiiragizawa-san?"   
"Yes. Daijouji san?"   
~~~   
_Something cool and quiet. Something was gazing at me. Of course. I am such a fool, he has always enjoyed spying and being particularly nosy. Hiiragizawa san, how little you have changed._   
"We are certainly not common, Tomoyo."   
_He called me Tomoyo..._   
_~~_

~~~   
_She still looks the same as ever. It dosent seem as life has improved for her, and yet, who am I to be talking? She looks extremely beautiufl framed in the roses. She looks gorgeous when she's mad, just like...Kaho._   
_~~~___

She slowly walked over there, a slight grin plastered on her face. Even though he acted like a wise all-knowing guru, she couldn't help but be glad at the sight of him. He, perhaps was the only person in the world in which she shared some common ground. Loneliness.   
"How long had you been sitting there, not telling me of youwre there?" Tomoyo asked holding out her hand which contained the cream envelope that Sakura had given her.   
"What?" He questioned, his thick eye brows raising slightly, "No, 'Why! Hiiragizawa san its so good to see you?' or perhaps, 'Long time no see!'."   
Tomoyo sat herself down on the bench next to him, enjoying the mindless banter, "No. But honestly, Hiiragizawa san, did you really expect one?"   
Eriol laughed. It was like something she had heard before, perhaps a menacing laugh from a villain, " Of course not Daijouji san. I know you well enough to know your attitude towards me."   
Tomoyo's voice questioned playfully, "I'm sure. And how is that?"   
Eriol winked, "Lets keep on friendly terms, shall we?" He fingered the envelope, "So what is this we have here?"   
Tomoyo remained quiet, knowing that Eriol would continue.   
"Actually, I wasn't unaware of you being in London. Sakura phoned a few days ago telling me you were here. Thank you so much for the prompt visit." He responded sarcastically.   
Tomoyo retorted, "You are so welcome. I see you are sensitive to jet lang, but no matter, I didn't expect you to be."   
Eriol put his hand to his chest, "Ah! You have wounded me with your sharp words."   
Tomoyo just looked up through the tangle of branches over head, as he opened the letter, and gazed down at it for a few moments. When he spoke again his voice was serious.   
"I see now why she wanted you to be here when I read it." He tossed it over into Tomoyo's lap as he keenly watched her facial expressions as she read the brief, but heartbreaking message. 

~You are invited to attend the matrimony of...~   
Li Shoaron and Sakura Kinomoto   
on April the 3rd   
being held at the Minomedo Shrine in Kyoto   
~*~ 

The message was like a slap to the face. She held in the tears. To cry in front of Hiiragizawa would be something that she could never do, she would never be able to face him again, she could never live it down. She turned to Eriol, her voice rather shaky, but determined and yet obviously on the verge of tears, "I knew it would happen one day. Those two were meant for each other, and there is no doubt that they will be happy."   
Eriol regarded her warily, "Yes, I am sure they will. But will you ever be happy?"   
Tomoyo tried to grin, however a single tear managed to escape from her eyes as she responded, "Will you?"   


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
AN: Oi, oi, oi! Well, chapter three is finished! yatta! what will happen? who knows? Oh noooo! its turning soap opera-ish. oh well. daijoubu, daijoubu. Also, etoh, I am taking the way Eriol's house is described as from Kit Spooner's, 'A Capella'. So if stuff sounds familar, no flames! *hides* I have to organize my thoughts on chapter four, but...I am sure I will manage to get another one out soon. Hope you are enjoying it. I sure am.   
tell me what you think, any suggestions?   
e-mail me   
furinkoto_neko@yahoo.com 

_tankyuu._   
PS: A tie? I still laugh at it myself. don't know where that one came from. ^_^;;   
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	4. Chapter Four: Himitsu

TomoyoandEriol4 AN: I don't own CCS, CLAMP, Kondansha....or anything else related to anime. Sigh, its a sad world, ne? Also...just some mindless ramblings here: normally I don't use Variable Width/ Times New Roman, but I dunno why, I think it fits this story, ne? Anyways, this chapter is dealing with the marriage, and her new life in London. And just like....stuff.....ok......^^;;; 

Aki no Genso   
Chapter four. 

Quiet. Just don't say anything, it would be too much to handle. Just...please, don't talk....   
~   
"Tea?" a warm voice asked.   
"Eh?" a tear streeked face of Tomoyo looked up, her cheeks flushed and her body trembling. She tried to breath in air but only making her sobbing worse. He waited respectively until no noise flew from her mouth.   
"Its unusually cold out here. I have some great tea...not green, unfortunately." He pondered as he got up as he offered his hand.   
It was true. It was rather cold for an autumn morning. A sure sign winter was upon them. But no matter, all that mattered right now was not to think about Sakura. Her dark eyes looked up, past Eriol to the cherry tree in the corner. Its dark rich fruit hung quiet, and undisturbed by the wind. The world seemed suddenly dark.   
~   
_"Moshi Moshi? Ah! Sakura-chan!" Tomoyo laughed into the phone._   
_"Konnichiwa, Tomoyo-chan!" Her cheerful voice seemed to echo._   
_"How are you? Its been a while, ne." Tomoyo added as she settled herself down on the kitchen stool._   
_"Well, everything is wonderful." Sakura began dreamily, "This will have to be a quick call, because I have to go to college soon, in about five minutes."_   
_Tomoyo smiled, "That's okay. I was just about to make myself breakfast."_   
_Sakura continued, "Well, I just wanted to say that I am mailing something for Eriol to your house. I was wondering...um, if while you were in London, if perhaps you could drop by and give it to him?"_   
_Tomoyo asked quietly, as she studied the clear blue sky outside her window. "What is it, or is it top-secret?"_   
_"Secret. But...well, I was just wondering. When you give it to Eriol, be there when he reads it. It concerns both of you."_   
_Tomoyo raised an eye brow, "So. I see."_   
_A chilling quietness haunted the line._   
_"Jaaa, anyways, I have to go, but...ne, Tomoyo-chan, talk to you later, ne?" Sakura chirped._   
_"Of course. Take care."_   
_And the dial tone met her ears._   
_~~_   
"Tea...tea...would sound great at the moment." Tomoyo smiled shakily as she brushed the tears from her eyes, and warily hoisted herself up as she walked down the path to the front door. The path crunched beneath her feet, and the fait smell of burning leaves mingled with her quiet intakes of air.   
"No one else is home, unfortunately. Nakuru would have, I am sure, baked up a batch of cookies for you. But I think I still have some cookies somewhere in the pantry." Eriol mumbled to himself, as he opened the large worn door, and a warm comforting burst of air met her face. "Come in, Daijouji-san."   
Tomoyo's eye widened. The house was beautiful in a way she could not describe, fresh and airy, warm and comforting, bright and cheerful, and yet strangely dark and mysterious. All the things that made Eriol were reflected in his house. As her eyes darted like sparks from pictures, to floor, lights, and stairways she mumbled, "And Spinel Sun?"   
Eriol chuckled as he walked in front of her, "No doubt playing a video game. Trying to beat-"   
"Kero-san as well." Tomoyo finished as she too found the thought of stuffed animal looking creatures obsessively playing racing games. "Some things never change." Tomoyo added.   
And as she thought of Kero, a sudden wave of Sakura flashed in front of her eyes. Her beautiful flowing hair, her sparkling green eyes, and her long luscious body. A heat flowed inside of her, a longing; an urge. And as she fingered the letter in her hand, a great sorrow over took her. Sakura had slipped through her fingers. Of course, she knew deep down, that ever sense Sakura's eyes had rested on Li, that like the cherry blossoms of spring something's would have to come to an end.   
Quietly, coldly, she whispered to her heart, _Sakura..._

_~_   
_She still loves her. Her body longs for the forbidden fruit, like Pandora and Eve, she yearns for the fruit and to open the box were she will find happiness._   
_Ever sense I met Kaho, I had been content, but had she? Did her eyes not roam to the men that starred at her beautiful body, which only belonged to me, and me alone? She was my equal of course, but she had not consulted me when she decided it was her time to die. Of course I knew. These powers have their joys and sorrows. I hadn't seen her at all that day. She left, early in the morning, leaving the coffee pot on, so I could have a hot cup when I awoke from the night before beautiful, and that faterful passionate interlude. That was the last time fire would rise me._   
_That day was misty, and gray. So unlike today._   
_Tomoyo, my dear young innocent girl, do not think you are the only one who hasn't suffered._   
_~_

"Be careful its hot." Tomoyo warned as she placed a willow patterned tea cup in front of Eriol.   
"Its rather embarrassing that in my own house, you were the one who made the tea!" Eriol mused as he added to lumps of sugar, and helped himself to tart (which he had discovered in the back of the fridge).   
"Don't be embarrassed, actually, it was rather nice to go through the custom. I like making it, it at least is one thing I know I can do here. It all seems so foreign." Tomoyo sighed as she sat down, and added a spoonful of honey.   
A long silence.   
"Ne, Hiiragizawa san, what kind of tea is it? It didn't come in a box, just the tea can." She murmured as she settled back in her chair.   
"I think...its called 'English Breakfast Tea.'" Eriol mused, "However...I could be mistaken, after all Nakuru usually does the honors with the tea."   
"I see. Well tell her its delicious, will you Hiiragizawa san?" Tomoyo sighed as she let the warmth overpower her body. It was wonderful. The only true peace she had in a while, and suprisingly the presence of Eriol didn't effect her at all.   
"Of course I will, however, I think we have known each other long enough that we can can get on a first name basis, don't you think?" Eriol questioned. A bird chirped from somewhere, and a sudden gust of breeze caused the window pains to rattle.   
"Well....I don't have a problem, I suppose." Tomoyo responded slowly, and then she brightened up and said, showing a glimpse of teeth, "So I guess its decided, Eriol san, ne?"   
"I suppose, it is Tomoyo san." Eriol smiled as he knowingly sipped his tea.   
"I don't know what that smirk is for, but I think I can guess, Eriol-san." Tomoyo frowned as she two looked up from her tea cup grinning.   
~   
_Lets talk, so I can try to forget her, ne Eriol-san?_   
~   
The Next Morning 

The room was abnormally distinct. Each crack in the board, each web a spider had woven in the corner seemed to stand out. Tomoyo's delicate hand pressed against her forehead, sighing deeply as she looked around her small sparse little room. This was the only room she could afford on the scholarship to this place, but it seemed to do. The large window let in plenty of light, and just as long as mold and mildew weren't growing she could stand the damp atmosphere of the place. Meiru was up, she dimly noticed, his wise all knowing eyes following the finch's every move as it hopped back and forth on the edge of the window. The only thing separating the two was thing glass. At times this wasn't enough for Meiru.   
The sound of the street could not penetrate her shell, and the feeling of tranquility flooded throughout the room. The cars horns, and the whistles and bustles could not disturb this room, for the sounds of the world, the cruel heartless world seemed to bounce off the window panes, flying away, off into the distance.   
Tomoyo' room smelled of cloves, or a spicy jasmine fragrance, a scent which had not been there the night before. Perhaps the scent of Eriol's house had managed to entangle themselves into her coat. The scent was crisp and cool like Eriol.   
The two had talked, and chatted or nothing really all that particular. The one rule: no mention of Sakura. Instead they talked of his extensive garden, the sights of London, Tomoyo's latest idea's, or anything else that struck her fancy. 

Meiru scratched his ear. Tchack Tchack Tchack. That was the sound he made. So comforting. Day after day, night after night his ritual was the same. First, he would take his pink tongue, and give his paw a ginger four or five licks. Quickly, like a flash of light darting through a river stream, over the left ear. Lick. Perhaps another three. Over the right ear. Once more over the right. This was the overture, the beginning of Meiru's existence, this ritual led the way down the dark and twisted alleyways filled with terra-cotta pots, and fallen over trash cans, to the spot, which Meiru was his own.   
At times Tomoyo wished she was a cat, content to live life lazily sprawled out against rough earthen rugs, enjoying an occasional bird, or perhaps a pastel colored butterfly filter past the window. To enjoy endless hours of sleep on a warm soft bed, to be totally care free world, and the world to be carefree in return. To never have to warily slip on the mask of the public, to never have to laugh on cue, to never have to hid emotions, to never have to...think twice.   
Tomoyo studied herself in the mirror. Her thick hair was tied back in a bun, and she was dressed...how would one describe her dress? Her outfit, if one could classify it, would be one that society would approve of.   
As she brushed her hand against the armoire, and a flash of violet whistled in front of her eyes. What was it? Oh...yes, the ribbon. She was missing the ribbon Sakura-chan had made her when she was 16. Where could it have gone to? The image was distinctly clear. The ribbon was soft to the touch, and it seemed to be wrapped in a lovely pail violet color. The color of a fresh day just peeking over the edge of the horizon. On one side read 'To Tomoyo chan' and two small falling cherry blossoms seemed to trail across the words. But where was it?   
But there was no matter to think of it right now, for as she looked down at her watch her eyes widened and in a matter of seconds the room empty...except of course for Meiru, that is....   
~   
"Sooo....Eriol why didn't you tell me yesterday we had a visitor?" a shrill whimsical voice of Nakuru laughed as she placed a pile of muffins down in front of Eriol.   
_It was only a matter of time..._Eriol sighed to himself as he quietly took a muffin, and slapped butter on it. "Well, for one thing, Nakuru...you didn't ask, and sense there was really nothing to talk about why go into troublesome detail?"   
A screech of a chair against cool tile floors, and then the soft sound of flesh against padding. This time, her voice was quiet, and serious, something she rarely was, "Ne..Eriol...." The gleam of morning sunlight shown against Eriol's glasses, as his misty eyes settled on the girl.   
"Yes?" He questioned, gently sipping a cup of tea.   
"I worry about you...and, she seems...Tomoyo san, that is, she seems to....how do I say this....she seems to bring a spark of joy into your life. ...If only for a while." Her words were slow, and carefully chosen. She quickly sipped her cup, as if this insight of sorts had caused her mouth to become dry. Truth did amazing things to people.   
"Ah...." Eriol said after a moment. The look of the serious was not one that looked particularly good. Yes, it was concluded that happiness was her best color. "Well then...I guess it will please you to know that I am calling on her today?"   
Her eyes lit up, the eternal flame once again strong. "Sou desu ne? Ne! As a date?? Ne? Ne? Ne?"   
Eriol sighed, and rolled his eyes. Really. Nakuru certainly knew how to ruin a morning.   
~ 

Perhaps Tomoyo had awoken particularly early that morning, because she realized that after 3 hours of classes of lectures, ideals, idea's and thoughts, it was only 11:30. The light of the city was cool, and yet warm. The kind of light in Japan. The color of weak tea. A breeze blew in from the ocean, momentarily blue. And yet....far off in the distance menacing gray clouds, the color of sorrow loomed in on the city. Perhaps rain was a blessing in disguise.   
"Ohayo!" Tomoyo called into her room. Two soft thuds. That would be Meiru no doubt, unless by some strange way he had found a companion. However, no, as she peered around the corner in her room the shape of her companion trotted towards her.   
Her arms wound about him and she promptly flung herself down on the bed, content to fall asleep. The sound of a far off train gently tapped against her ears, quietly....it was calling to the day. Its iron fingers pulling against the clasp in her mind, telling her it was time to fall into a realm of comfort. Of quiet. Of content. To sleep was to hide. And to hide was the way to remain untouched. And yet, as she drifted deeper and deeper into the realm of fog something halted her and the ivory gates.   
_What is it?_   
A sudden sound filled the room. The sound of hunger. And yet, no, as she looked back on her hazy fantasies, this was not what pulled her back. Something was tugging on her in the back of her mind. Something smooth. Something....the color of lavender. Her eyes screamed open. Of course. The ribbon. 

~   
Sharp. If one word could describe Eriol at that moment, the word would be sharp. Stylish would have taken an easy second. But...of course, these were daily words for the all talented, all fashionable Eriol Hiiragizawa. In his leather gloved hands held a small fragment of something. Something undiscernable, something soft and long. Something lavender.   
He opened the worn bronze handle and let the wave of cool wind kiss his cheeks, only to die forever. His shoes clicked against the sidewalk, a slight grin on his face. He drank in his own happiness, so rare and so sweet that he could not help but greedily fill his cup to the brim, and watch the golden liquid spill over the edge.   
He fingered the fabric, letting his hands run over the smoothness. Today, perhaps would be tolerable. Today, perhaps, Tomoyo's eyes would not cloud over with the tears of self pity. Today perhaps her voice would not tremble a second before she mentioned the 'name'. Perhaps, today her eyes would fill to the sky once more and she would look past the gray clouds that longed to block the sun. Perhapes.....Perhapes....Perhapes...   
~   
Her feet clomped down the stairs. Hunger was swinging throughout her mind like a pendulum. Perhaps a croissant, no maybe a cup of Chai tea, and just a plain simple sandwich. The day had clouded over, and soon it would rain. The drops would fall from the sky, like marbles falling off a table to the dirty tile floor below. The sound would soon echo throughout the air. The air, the air was thick with moisture, thick with the smell of the storm that had drifted across the sea from France. Yes...soon it would rain. Soon. Soon.   
_Better get something before it down pours..._   
At the bottom of the stairs lay the door (the light shining through the glass calling out to her)....however as she watched the porthole it opened. And their stood a very smart looking Hiiragizawa Eriol. His dark hair caught the light, and seemed to hold on to it tightly, relizing how the almost angelic glow made him look. Nearly perfect. The dark and the light. The two elements of nature. The strongest.   
Silently, Tomoyo smiled. Perhapes, Hiiragizawa could become a friend, and not just an aquantince. Maybe...   
~   
He had turned the corner sharply nearly running into some non descript person. His eyes were clouded over, remembering... 

_"Want some tea, Eriol?" Kaho asked, her amber eyes running over the length of his body._   
_He looked up, his dark grey eyes reflective as a motionless pond. "No, thank you Kaho." He moved his hand to touch her delicate fingers, "Although I would like to talk to you about something."_   
_Her body, in one fluid movemnt like water fell smoothly to the footrest, where she starred up at him. "Sure." She grinned, "Well?"_   
_Emotion was somewhere between his stomach and his mouth, and yet words failed him. A sorrowful silence._   
_His warm hand fingered the hair around her face. Her hair was like amber waterfalls, or perhapes honey...._   
_"Kaho....your just so beautiful." Eriol managed to say. "I- I will miss you...you know."_   
_A warm smile flooded herface, "I will miss you too....but, you know, you will not be alone..."_   
_He figured it was better not to question her last prophecy, but instead let it run its course. That was the last night the two would share a bed._   
_The next day was wet, and misty..._

His eyes focused, suddenly, and there he stood outside the door of the small hotel... Perhapes, he should take his own advice. Perhapes, dispite the clouds, he should look to the sun. And maybe, perhapes the two would, for today only, be basking in its fire like glow. Perhapes. 

~   


AN: Ok. well, I just pumped this chapter out, so it probably isn't as good as the last....But I hoped you liked it. Next chapter? Rain drenched Tomoyo and Eriol, and a cup of coffee and lunch! Oh, so much to look forward too. Also more self moping and self realization, blah blah blah. Once again, sorry for any spelling errors. Also, just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who as e-mailed me about my story, and reviewed. You all made me feel special, and just....made my day, so I just wanted to say thank you to everyone, and how much you all mean to me. Ok, I shall stop being sappy, but know that you all....just make me want to write more and continue, something I have a problem with.


	5. Chapter Five: Suzuran

AN: Hai! Hai! ok. This is Chapter five. yatta, ne? Well, this chapter is just a little...how does one explain?? I have no clue, but its just Eriol and Tomoyo talking about their life, and they decided to become friends, or whatever. They discuss their pain, and who knows, perhaps a prequel to some romance? bah, who knows? I mean....I dunno, some like the morbid, some like the romance, what to do? what to do? Also, I have gotten out of the 'swing of the things' with my writing, so if it seems different, please, no flames. 

Aki no Genso   
Chapter 5 

The rain poured quietly, and softly. It was not the violent rain that Tomoyo had expected, it was instead steady, soft and gray. The whirl of the rain seemed to hum insistently. It was not an unpleasant hum, but strangely comforting to Tomoyo, who seemed to do well in the gray dismal atmosphere.   
Tomoyo, despite her Japanese features seemed to fit in with the English climate perfectly. She looked as if she had been brought up in England, as a child wandering around the green endless stretches of land, as a teenager traveling in to London, via the trains and subways systems, and as an adult enjoying the quite life where one could see and hear and smell the sea, and perhaps taking weekend trips to Paris.   
Eriol was strangely quiet, and his eyes seemed to focus on the raindrops, ever cascading down from the heavens. A bit of his ink like hair had fallen in front of his eyes, giving him a strangely boyish look. And Tomoyo realized, that despite his wisdom and knowledge of times gone by, and things yet to come, he was like her. Eriol was trying to grasp onto something-anything- that would allow him to not fall. But fall where?   
He was a child when it came to romance, and peoples emotions. Living away locked up from the world all ones life did not help, however, Eriol had charm. Eriol had charisma, and he knew how to lay it on so that he would not trip and stumble over his words and meaning, but often a very harsh tone lay in his voice. Tomoyo was sure this was not what he intended, but perhaps the knowledge of centuries ago had made him think that he was better then the mindless majority of the masses. 

The air was not cold, and yet Tomoyo silently put her hands inside her pockets. The rain still continued to fall in mindless streams that would seem to go on for eternity. She looked up at Eriol once again, who in turn looked down at her.   
She tried to smile, but his gray eyes were so piercing at this moment, and so cold that she could only allow half of one to emerge on her face. She asked quietly, "Eriol san, do you know where we are going?"   
His lips did not move, but instead he put on an almost a cat like smile, and nodded dumbly. Oh, how she remembered this smile from her childhood, for always it seemed to be painted on his face like some mysterious geisha. Eriol had never really once taken off this mask, and yet to him she was sure that this catlike mask was a way for people not to care. This mask enabled him to not be worried about by anyone, but secretly....Tomoyo knew. She knew. 

She once again looked strait in front of her, the iron wall of rain parting as she let herself slowly, ever slowly, slip back into her memories of so long ago.   
~   
The birch trees had just began to change into their dress that was only reserved to the fall. Still, however, summer clung bitterly to its body, begging, pleading, not to go. And yet it was the last part of November. The wind gently sighed, and in return the leaves whistled and sung a melancholy tune. The sky was an abnormally striking blue, the color so bright that it hurt ones eyes, for its beauty went beyond history's reach. 

Cannot you hear the voices? Tomoyo silently asked herself. 

The maple, sugar, beach, and other trees that remained in this forest were radiant. The colors of autumn fresh, and ablaze. The oranges, gold's, browns, reds, and the dark colors of the earth blended together in what seemed a cosmic melting pot.   
And yet, this memory seemed to have escaped her all these years, for no where in her being could she remember when she had been in such a place. She swam violently, almost frightened through the memories of her childhood, and then her high school, and yet it was no where to be seen. This place was foreign to her, and yet....strangely familiar in a way she could not exactly realize. But, where was she?   
~   
The two had stopped, outside a brightly lit cafe. The painted sign next to the door proclaimed to the world in a glorious resonating voice, "Welcome to the Rendezvous."   
The word repeated over and over in Tomoyo's mind. Where had she heard that word before? She knew the meaning, of course, and over the years the word had managed to pop up in some Japanese contemporary music, but it was not that which was troubling her. She saw the lips move in front of her eyes. Slowly, the word was formed by the muscles, slowly, and utterly silent, she saw a pair of lips move. Seductively. "We will meet in a place of darkness. And this will be our secret rendezvous." 

Our secret rendezvous. 

~   
"Are you all right, Tomoyo san?" Eriol asked her from across the table as he handed the smooth cream menu to the waiter. His eyes shone, catching the golden light that seemed to bounce of the walls and echo for eternity.   
She looked up, a piece of hair freeing herself from the others and falling like a stream of water over her smooth shoulders. She smiled. Not a real smile, Eriol noted, but when had her smiles ever been real?   
He heard her usual answer, "Of course I am." A few seconds later she added as an afterthought, "I suppose I am just a little hungry. That's all."   
Eriol chuckled as he settled himself comfortably back in the chair, crossing his legs in one fluid manner. Kaho had thought him to be smooth in all actions. All actions. Kaho had been loved, Eriol fervently told himself. _She had been. _He was sure of it.   
"I suppose the cold weather here in England is enough to make anybody hungry. It's natural after all. The primal urge to put fat on before the winter."   
Tomoyo rested her elbows against the table, as she clasped her fair hands below her chin. "Yes, I suppose that is true."   
This cafe was unlike Tomoyo had ever seen. It was something out of a movie, that one hopes fervently to find, but settles with a dark and dusty Starbucks. The walls were painted a soft cream color, as if some magical hand had accidentally knocked it off the table and it splashed playfully onto the walls. Warm golden accent lighting set the the room on fire with a warm and comforting glow. And all around her, all around her was art. Not sad, serious art, but playful, colorful, and fun. This place was the ideal match to Tomoyo, both being old and new, wise and innocent.   
From somewhere in the small brightly lit cafe, a charming melancholy tune played quietly out of some hidden corner. She heard catches of the song every now and then... 

...the moon....let me play....stars.....let me see what spring is like....in other words..... 

Her eyes hazed over with a mixture of sleepiness and comfort. How long had it been sense she had made scones? How long had it been sense she had gone to one of these brightly lit tea shops? How long? Only Tomoyo knew the answer, but it was hidden like the seed deep under the rich dark moist earth. How long had it been sense she had felt happy? Perhaps the seed would sprout. Perhaps the seed would die.   
It was strange, however, that she felt comfortable around Hiiragizawa san. Yes. She would sternly stick to Hiiragizawa san in her mind. However, when had she ever been comfortable enough around a male to let her flawless posture momentarily be cast of her shoulders? In her life time, never had she felt comfortable around the male species. But...of course, Hiiragizawa san was different. Hiiragizawa san was like her. Trying the best he could not to loose control. He was like her.   
~   
_Had I truly loved Kaho? Of course, I said did, but was that only for her magical aura, and her overwhelming sexuality. Had she known that I had felt this way, that she was only a pawn I was playing, who would have to sacrifice herself for something? To checkmate? But...its not possible, for I loved Kaho. Her beauty, wit, and clever attitude. But then why did she leave me so finally? She knew it would happen...and yet...why? _Eriol silently grimaced at himself._ It is so cruel of the world to give me these powers, the powers of the great, and the knowledgeable, and yet to still go through life as clue less as the next._   
His gray eyes flashed to Tomoyo's face.   
_She actually looks content. She had allowed herself to relax. Perhaps, Daijouji Tomoyo...there is hope for us both. Of course, there is always hope. _He secretly told himself wishing it were true_. _Trying to believe hope was true.   
~ 

The tea pot (full of jasmine tea) was fixed squarely in the center of the table, followed by a plate of scones (chocolate chip, and blueberry) and finally two small saucers of raspberry jam, and devon cream, along with a silver instrument full of brown and white sugar cubes.   
"It looks wonderful, and I am sure the scones will be better then the ones I make at home in Japan." Tomoyo smiled as she helped herself to a chocolate chip scone, still hot from the oven.   
Eriol, who was already adding devon cream onto his pointed out with his butter knife, "No, not better or worse, but it has a different flavor to be sure. Yours taste like Japanese scones, and these taste like English. But that is nothing bad, I assure you." He quickly added as he looked up expecting to see Tomoyo glaring at him. However, he was wrong. 

----~   
The steaming hot water poured over Tomoyo's smooth and uncovered body. The worries of the day seemed to pour off her, and forever disappear as they were sucked down the drain. Each droplet she could feel acutely, a sensation she had never experienced, or perhaps, noticed until now.   
It was pure bliss at this moment. The hot, steamy water flowing over her, around her, and everywhere seemed to make her forget her troubles. She forgot about Sakura and Li, school, her mother, adjusting to England, and the stresses of life. And yet she noticed as she check marked these troubles off that Hiiragizawa san was no where to be on the list.   
Silently...Silently she spoke aloud, almost afraid that the three other people staying in this bed and breakfast could hear her between the abnormally thick walls. 

_Maybe...I have found a friend._

She thought back, fondly, to the tea room. The scones, the tea, the golden light, and most importantly the conversation that the two shared.   
~~   
Eriol looked up from his tea cup, and said, almost in a serious tone, "Tomoyo san...Are you okay?"   
Tomoyo smiled, and said, "I told you already, I was just a bit tired."   
He shook his head, his dark ebony hair shaking around his glass framed eyes. "No, not about that. About Sakura, and Li."   
Her violet eyes hazed over for a second, until she looked up again, perhaps on the verge of tears, "I would say that I am. It was inevitable, of course."   
Eriol echoed a soft, "Of course." and yet letter her gently continue.   
"When Li left, that first time...the glow, Sakura's wonderful glow, was put out. I knew that I was no longer her number one. Her ichi-ban. Of course...I would always be her number one as a friend, but....never as I wanted to be. Never....like Li-kun."   
Tomoyo sighed a bit, and stirred her tea idly, "And then when he came back it was as if Sakura was a new girl, blossoming all over again before my eyes. But...not for me, for my eyes anymore. It was now for Li. I don't hate Li for it, no, if he had never come back something in Sakura would have been lost forever. And so in a way I am glad that Li came back, to give Sakura happiness. Even though for so many years, and for many years to come I will not have mine."   
_Its best not to press her too much._ Eriol realized as her looked into her watery eyes. Tomoyo was strong, but her eyes gave away all her secrets. Her eyes would tell the truth.   
He scratched his cheek a bit, and breathed, "You and I are very alike, aren't we Tomoyo san?"   
Tomoyo smiled, a real smile, one that came to her eyes, "Yes. I would say in many of the same respects we are."   
"We both have suffered, perhaps you more than I. My whole life, everything had been handed to me on a golden platter, but now it has been snatched away from me...and I have to learn how to live without it." Eriol said slowly, and softly as he drank his tea.   
"I don't think we are only alike in the fact that we have both suffered..." Tomoyo pointed out ever so gently.   
"I believe that is true." Eriol echoed. 

The rest of the meal was idle chat, however the whisper and the vague hint of something lingered in the air. Something which Tomoyo could clearly see, and yet not grasp. And quickly, silently, and almost abruptly after Eriol and her had parted the words once again came to her ear.   
"And we will meet in our secret rendezvous."   
~   
She dried herself off, and still uncovered to the world she walked across her room, her hair bundled up above her head, to retrieve her robe. She wrapped it around her body, feeling its softness, and enjoying its warmth. Her dark eyes dimly noticed it had stopped raining.   
It was now 11:39. She should have been asleep, and yet something tugged at her, and demanded that she stay up.   
A three-legged stool was in the far dusty dark corner of her room. She grasped it firmly, and moved it over to beneath the open window. She sat down, and gazed up at the dark misty sky. The world was strangely peaceful. No cars drove by, no shouts could be heard, and only the wind and the sea could be heard, idly chatting from far, far away.   
The gray clouds separated, and the glorious beauteous crescent moon appeared, lighting the sky in a most heart rendering way. The tips of the gray clouds were illuminated in the most angelic light, and the world for a second seemed beautiful. Tomoyo breathed in, astonished for the first time in many months, how beautiful the earth really was. Beyond the concrete and cement lived and breathed a beautiful, alive thing. Behind the dust and durt lived something lovely.   
And yet, as soon as this cloud burst appeared it vanished, the clouds hiding the world from her once again.   
She stayed gazing at the sky until half past one o'clock. The beauty never happened again, and yet Tomoyo knew it was there, silently watching her.. She knew it breathed, she knew its heart was racing.   
She climbed into bed, and flicked on the radio momentarily.   
The rush of thick british voices flooded her small room.   
"-weather tonight shall be cloudy, but will be clearing up by dawn. Tomorrow shall be a beautiful day with just a few scattered clouds. So is you are planning anything special this weather should be enjoyed for at least 4 days. In other news British Prime Minister--"   
She smiled behind her thick lashes, as she slowly drifted off to sleep. The last thing she could remember was '...the moon....let me play....stars.....let me see what spring is like....in other words.....'   
~~   
However, in other parts of London some people were not contentedly sleeping in their beds. 

_When had I met her? Not more then a year before she went to Japan, I am sure of it. She knew, and I knew when we saw each other. It was if our past, and the present drew us together. But was it attraction, or ...just the fact that we were cosmically meant for each other?_   
_Of course, we made love like wild dogs....but had I ever said it too her? I supposed it was an everyday an implied thing, but had I ever declared it, or actually verbally said it?_   
His mind raced through the past, trying to recall ever once saying those three little words.   
I-love-you.   
And yet now where could he remember having said it. Suddenly he found it hard to breathe.   
_She knew I loved her, of course. And she loved me. We both knew it would be the day when the 'sea boils and the sky falls' and of course, that day...it was pouring so hard, and the sea was so turbulent. I should have known. I should have known. I should have known so many things. I am just like all the rest, just like Touya, just like Yukito, Nakuru, Sakura...Li....I am just like them all._

That night Eriol fell asleep in his red chair, comforted only my the embers from the fire.   
He silently mouthed the words in his sleep..."and we shall meet in our secret rendezvous."   
  


AN: well, sorry about it all, this chapter was a little shorter then usual. Gomen ne. it just seemed like a good place to stop it. Next chapter: Eriol convinces Tomoyo to go out for a ride in the country. But why does this place seem familiar? More self moping, and more...'getting to know you'-ness, before anything 'major happens'. Also once again, thanks for putting up with my spelling.   
e-mail me at: furinkoto_neko@yahoo.com   



	6. Chapter Six: Houmen Sure

AN: Okay. well, here is chapter six. enjoy the story, and thanks for putting up with my spelling!! In this chapter....I might introduce a bit of romance, who knows? I don't, I suppose we will just have to see when we get there, now won't we? R + R, ne? onegai? 

Aki no Genso   
Chapter 6 

It was a gloriously fresh and clear fall day. The sky, a shade of blue, that could it could only capture, no artist ever could. Even the greatest artist in the world could not capture the joy, and the sorrow of this day mixed together to create something so wonderful, and yet so sad that it would be remembered forever. The world was green, the fresh new innocent grasses climbing their way through the deep, dark, almost black soil, until they reached to the top, where they could breathe, their hands outstretched. The hills rolled into one another, never beginning anywhere, and never stopping, like the waves of the deep ocean, calm and silent. And against these two colors, the startling blue, and the vibrant green, lay another color. A color that could not be defined, because it was a wave of many colors. The colors of fall. The gold's and oranges, brown's and maroon's, the deep forest green, and the white of the frost bitten branches. Where these trees lay, the earth seemed the same color as their leaves that swung in the wind like kites on a tree. Smells of rotting, and decaying leaves, branches, animals, plants, and fruits mingled with the smell of the leaves burning from the nearby farms, and the fireplace smoke, curling out of the chimney like some ancient brush stroke off of some pre-historic Chinese painting. How beautiful it all was. How gloriously sad.   
~   
She had been starring, she realized, at a small arrangement of golden leaves that were placed on the buffet right in the inside of the foyer. It was quiet, and only the sound was the continual tick of the clock, which somehow comforted her. Once Meiru came tapping down the stairs, his muted footsteps sounding like a drum to her ears after all the quiet which she had been slowly drowning in. Why was she sitting there? Sitting in this terminally hard chair which hurt her body. At one moment tears filled her eyes. No, these were not tears of sorrow, but perhaps just tears. Tears with no purpose.   
She had been to her classes that day, and yet it was still early morning. In her opinion she did not have enough classes, for it gave her too much spare time to think about things. Things she did not want to think about. Things she begged not to think about. And yet these thoughts insistently flooded into her mind. She hoped she had been getting better, hoped that she would not have to remember Sakura, hoped that the wedding would be as far from her mind as possible. And yet, she could see the details right in front of her eyes. She could see the two exchanging vows. She could see them kissing, not passionately, for that would not have been right, it being a wedding and all. No, the passion would be saved for the night. The passion would be saved for their honeymoon. Tomoyo hopped she was getting better, and as she listened to herself think, she realized she sounded insane. However, love was craziness. Love was sorrow, and pain. She hoped that her life would go on without Sakura, however, when she had nothing to do she would return to the old days. She would return to her childhood, where the two had been closer then ever. She would return to these times, when she took to the bottle to relieve her sorrows.   
She must not do that now. Sakura was far away. She had control. She could control her destiny.   
~   
A lone figure stood out against the ever-changing green of the moor. A twisted, and distorted tree his only companion. The wind was abnormally strong that day, and as he dropped the white roses over the side of the steep cliff, and watched them fall into the water, only to be swallowed greedily, he could not help but hold his thick tight coat harder. It had been a year, and he would not cry. One year. How short a period of time that was. His dim gray eyes, now the color of the churning sea looked back on his life for those first unbearable weeks. He had not cried, not once, to his amazement. When he had heard the news he turned a sick shade of white, and for two hours he would not see anyone, locking himself up in the study. Not once had his eyes become wet. And yet now, a year later, he had to choke and hold himself back from the warm salty water that would trickle down his face. He was pathetic.   
He did not think of her often, and yet lately his life had been so dull and mundane that his thoughts often traveled back to her. The rides they would take in his car, her honey like hair blowing freely in the wind, the long lustful nights of beautiful love making, the gray sunday mornings they would spend baking...it all flooded back to him when he was not occupied, not busy. And yet, had this been love, or merely a friendly person which he could be with? He now find it hard to tell. Lately, he had found not thinking of her surprisingly easy. Ever sense Tomoyo had come to London Kaho drifted farther, and farther away, and yet today when he woke up her smiling face met him as he hoisted himself up from the bed.   
He wanted to jump....and yet, instead of this he slowly took out his leather wallet, and out of a small pocket, took something golden, smooth, and the color of honey. Her hair was still as soft as ever, and as he let his fingers touch it for the last time he smiled, feeling that soon he would be released from this nightmare. His grip loosened on the substance, and as it flew off into the wind he turned his back on the place, vowing that he would never visit the place again.   
~   
Once again she found herself in front of The Rendezvous. Its warm lights had a tantalizing glow, beckoning to her. There she would be warm.   
She seated herself, a small cream table, and looked out on the street. Her neck tilted back, and between the rows of buildings she could see the early morning clouds drift by, white and gray.   
Movement caught her eye, and she glanced over to find that someone was seating themselves at the same table. Not even noticing who it was, she said, curtly, "Excuse me, that seat is taken."   
And it was at that moment that she looked up to find the smiling face of Hiiragizawa. His thick sculpted eyebrow raised a quarter of an inch. "Ah. I see. Well then in that case...." He picked up his thick wool jacket that was draped over the back of the bench.   
Tomoyo smiled. "I'm sorry Eriol. I didn't know it was you."   
His lips twitched, "So then its okay if I may be allowed to bask in your glow? To be allowed to sit...dare I say it, at the same table?"   
A rich laugh flowed out of Tomoyo's mouth, suprising even herself. "Just sit down, you idiot."   
He obeyed and motioned for the waiter to make an appearance. He pointed to a something on the menu, raised his eyebrows to question if she had ordered. She nodded, the world seeming suddenly better now that he was here. As much as she hated to admit it, Eriol, proud, mysterious Eriol, was a friend....no, maybe not a friend. Something she could not explain....   
The two sat quietly drinking. Eriol had ordered coffee. Not the weak stuff one got in Japan. But no, this was thick, rich, creamy coffee. Tomoyo once again had ordered tea, only this time it was some foreign tea, she thought the waiter had said Russian, but she was not sure. Its spicy flavor warmed her body, and brought momentarily a warmth to her eyes.   
"Ne Eriol." Tomoyo said, placing her cup down firmly with sudden resolve, "Lets go somewhere." She did not want this feeling of freedom to go away with rational thought. She wanted to do it, without thinking, without plans. Just the rush of wanting to travel....somewhere, anywhere. Just as long as she could close her eyes and hear the wind flow by her ears like some mystic stream.   
Eriol's gray eyes met hers.   
_She wants to escape. She does not want to hear no. I can tell....she just wants to live just for the moment. To forget about....life..._   
"Well then, what are we waiting for?" Eriol grinned as his hand, his pale smooth hand, rose up into the air, his words mouthing seductively, "check."   
~   
The wind flooded through their hair as the two drove on the leather seats of a black classic car, its roof no longer there, as if by magic. The country side surrounded them. The beautiful country side. Meandering through winding narrow lanes, between low hedges, looking across fields to the lines and thickets of beech trees, oak, chestnut, ash, and elm, all a blaze with the last bit of fall at their fingertips. The hedges were still thick with glistening black and crimson berries then shone in the lemon color of the light. Houses, old houses, some could even have been cottage's, their gardens full of the wigwams of beanstalks, the raindrops from the night before clinging to the leaves, which had from a few days ago, turned black due to the frost.   
"Eriol." Tomoyo questioned, for the first time her voice quiet, soft, relaxed.   
His lips did not move, and yet a small sound could be heard from them. And then, a few second later, "Yes?" Suddenly, a sliver of winter crossed across the breeze as the two drove through a tree lined lane, the sun glinting in, as if whispering in and out of the leaves, "Hello? How are you?" And yet, it was cold, frightfully cold, as if winter its self had suddenly decided to grace the world with its presence. However, the cold did not bother Tomoyo, instead, strangely in warmed her, exciting her senses, making her realize that she was alive.   
With one arm on the steering wheel, and the other draped over the side of the car he looked at her, his dark hair shifting its position and from time to time found its way onto his face. He smiled, and questioned, "Yes?"   
She flushed, "Oh! I'm sorry. I was going to ask what you where thinking."   
Eriol pondered this for a while, until he answered, his face a mixture of seriousness and humor, "Well...before I was wondering if you were going to ask a question. However, before that I was thinking about when I first bought my house, and what it used to look like."   
Tomoyo remained quiet, a smile coming to her lips, Eriol was opening up. Like the ice melting slowly, slowly, he was telling her of his past, something that like hers, preferred to grow in shady area's.   
"It was a day rather like today. I made my way around the east side of the house, where the garden was the most neglected. An old pergola ran on two sides, with remnants of creeper, rose, honeysuckle hanging in strands from it, wisteria gnarled and unpruned clambered up another, and a path led through them between pillars, to a closed gate. This gate led to an inner court yard. Did you see it when you were at my house?"   
Tomoyo answered truthfully, "I don't think I had. Of course, it sounds like your gardens are very big, so I most likely didn't see much."   
Eriol raised his shoulders in an apologetic gesture, "Well, next time you are over, I'll be sure to give you the grande tour."   
Tomoyo whispered, "I would like that very much."   
She let him continue, letting him paint his picture with effortless strokes, letting him fall deeper and deeper into the past, the past he would like to remember, the past he could float in, not the past which would bind him with every force, not the past which he tried to escape.   
"Flower beds and borders were overgrown, and yet I had thought it had not been so very long sense someone had gardened there, it would not take too much work to get it back. I remember, strangely, myself sitting on a garden bench sketching out its new structure, planning things out, working this down, mending that, planting one more there, and all that rubbish. In any case, I remember keenly, fondly, this wild beauty it had, as if this what a true english garden should have looked like. Wild, dangerous, but beautiful."   
_I nearly want to clap. He spoke it so well, as if he were reading it out of a book that he had written._   
Tomoyo smiled, and as they continued on she pointed, "Lets stop in here for a bite to eat. Its....let me see...." She consulted her watch, it was nearly two o'clock. "It is nearly two o'clock."   
Suddenly, the car swerved to the side of the road. Momentarily scarred, and then amused Tomoyo laughed. This was the second time she had laughed in a day. It was so very unusual for her. So very unusual.   
The two observed their surroundings. They had been driving through a small town, which appeared to only have one street, or the highway, rather. The two had stopped outside an old nearly Victorian, or perhaps Edwardian style house. It was painted many colors, however, with time the paint had faded, or fallen off. And yet its true beauty was still seen. One day, this house would be reborn by some wonderful owner, and cast off its ugliness. A sign above the door read in faded gold lettering, "Manderly Tea and Coffee." and below that it read "open 11 to 8 daily"   
Eriol smiled, on the verge of cat like, however not there yet. Would Tomoyo ever see a real smile from him? Of course their had been grins, raised eyebrows, amused smiles, but never....a true smile. 

It seemed that the place only offered tea there, no longer coffee. However, the tea was strong sweet spicy tea, served on their best china (sense they didn't get very many customers). And then the warm fruit bread and butter. They were very welcome, they said, not many visitors came by, it was quiet there, always quiet. _A quiet place, how marvelous_, the two thought as they silently buttered the bread, and drank the tea.   
Suddenly, Tomoyo felt questions rise up from the back of her throat. Terrible questions, cruel questions, and yet questions that must be answered. Quietly, softly, she talked, as if one did to an elderly person, trying not to upset their already fragile state.   
He could feel it. The silence before the storm. Hopefully this storm would not flood, would not destroy his fragile walls, perhaps it would strengthen him.   
"How did she die?" Tomoyo questioned, sipping her tea quietly.   
"She drowned." Slowly, the secrets law before him. Like a stack of card., He decided to play them all.   
"Did you sense it?" Tomoyo asked.   
"I knew it would come, of course. Just...perhapes not that day." Eriol replied, curtly. Strangely, the pain was not there. Instead it was if so many things were individually being lifted off his shoulders.   
"Did you love her?" Tomoyo asked, her eyes just as full of secrets as his used to be.   
"At this moment, I don't know." He sipped his tea, his throat dry, "It was attraction to be sure. Mutual fondness. But to go as far as love?"   
"Did you want to die?" Tomoyo asked, buttering another peace of fruit bread.   
"Of course I did. Not any more. It is all over now." Eriol said, sighing. All this seemed to be taking his energy. To revive himself he took a bite of bread.   
She had smiled. A warm kind of smile. It was comforting, almost gentle. As if whispering, _I know you can do it. Keep going. You have so much to live for._   
Her eyes held the reflection of fall , and she smiled once again, "Good, I would miss you, you know?"   
He smiled back. _Ah. There it is. He looks so much better when he smiles. He seems a whole different man. No longer....with the wisdom of old, but something innocent, wondering of the world._   
"Now....my dear Tomoyo. It is my turn." Eriol said, the flash of evil, knowledge returning from the looks he had as a child. The knowing mastermind. Intentions good, however he liked to play the villain until the very end.   
Was she ready for the questions. Of course. Of course. She knew she was strong.   
"You love her still, don't you?" That was the first question, of course.   
"I am trying not to. I am learning not to. I want to go on with my life." She heard herself said. Her voice strangely calm, quiet, controlled.   
"I know you do. I can see it in your eyes." Eriol said, gazing up into them. He realized, of course he had always known, how beautiful Tomoyo really was. So beautiful. Like a lilly of the valley.   
"You are like, a lily of the valley." he said finally.   
Obviously, this was not what she had expected. She seemed startled, and a slight color came to her cheeks.   
"Do you know what lily of the valley means?" Eriol asked, the years of being an experienced gardener coming in handy. She shook her head, her hair splashing over her shoulder.   
"It means...the return of happiness." Eriol said, very slowly. "You are returning to happiness. Slowly, and yet its obvious in your eyes. You look much better here rather than in Japan. Perhaps the weather agrees with you."   
"Or other things." Tomoyo pointed out secretively as she sipped the tea. "You know, though, Eriol. I know the meaning of one flower, and one flower alone. Once, when I was a very small child I was walking through a park with my mother. There was a large pond, with white and pink water lilies. I suppose I was quite taken with its beauty. My mother told me, although I do not know where she knew it from, but she told me that water lily's meant the purity of heart. You are pure of heart. You are truly one of the kindest people I have ever known."   
There was silence for a moment, and then slightly embarrassed by it all, Eriol said in jest, "Stop it Tomoyo, you are making me blush."   
And by the time the two were out of the small tea room, smelling of old rose oil, and old lace the two smiled happily, feeling as if, secretly the two acknowledged something hidden deep in the shadow. The beginning of secret.   
~   
The leaves crunched happily between their feet, a comforting sound in this deserted forest. The two spoke of nothing, but instead watched happily the golden, and brown leaves fluttering daintily to the ground. As if somebody had decided to slice a piece of earth out, dividing the forest suddenly in two parts was a small, burbling creak. Not big, in fact one could easily walk over it. Tomoyo stepped over it, her eyes noting the green moss that had found its home on the worn gray rocks that surrounded the water. The glints of gold and silver of the fish swimming playfully, and the deep sandy bottom.   
Eriol remained stationary, watching Tomoyo seat herself against the back of an abiding tree. Her cheeks were a bit flushed due to the crispness of the autumn air, and her eyes seemed to be smiling at the world through the beautiful violet color. Eriol copied her act, and sat down against the tree on his bank of the burbling brook. The leaves shifted and moved as he sat, and he could feel the dampness of the earth. The two remained silent for a while, just breathing in this beauty, the glorious beauty.   
Finally Eriol spoke. "So, Tomoyo, how is college going?"   
A moment passed as she tried to find the right answer, forming it in her head, and finally delivering it, "I need more classes. If I am not busy my mind wanders, which I do not want. I always want to be doing something, so I think next semester I will add more classes, or at least find something I can do when I have nothing else to do."   
Eriol nodded, "Its never good to bored. I should probably take up painting during the winter, or something to that respect, for I can't garden, and I can only stay in my study for so long...."   
Tomoyo smirked, and questioned sarcastically, "Tell me Eriol, why is it that you have never gone to college? What do you plan to do with the rest of your life?"   
Eriol laughed, a hard cold, knowing laugh. "Myself? Oh, I plan to travel, and to live, to get smarter, and live my life one day at a time. You?"   
Taken aback by this answer Tomoyo asked herself what did she want to do? "I know I want to work with something beautiful. Whether it be fashion, or art, architecture or owning a tea room, I want to do something that makes me happy."   
His glasses caught a bit of the afternoon sun, "One should do what makes one happy, whatever the consequences. For no matter what they say you are only responsible for you. Your happiness."   
Tomoyo smiled, nodding slightly, "I hope we both find our happiness one day...."   
Eriol grinned, his sarcastic side making an appearance once again, "Of course we will. We are certainly not common Tomoyo."   
_We certainly not common._   
A few moments later the two left the forest, who seemed to whisper good-bye to them, hoping that one day it would see these people find happiness. And yet the wind whispered as it flew in between and through the branches, that they would. The two would find happiness.   
The sun was drifting lower and lower on the horizon. The golden orb silently reaching farther and farther from behind the hills. This time of day was a lonely time of day, and it frightened Tomoyo. The deep purple shadows resting on the hills contrasting with the golden sun that capped its tops like snow. The two reached London at sunset, the light a dim gray lavender color.   
He walked her to the bed and breakfast, the two quiet, contemplating on the days events. The sun could still be seen on the street, lighting the glass windows into a glowing piece of art work. At the top of the stairs, Tomoyo said, her eyes catching the last rays of sun as it slipped quicker and quicker away.   
"I just wanted to say thank you. For not questioning the reason to get away. Thank you for a wonderful time." She fiddled with her purse, nervously.   
"Its all right. I know how you feel, and sense you don't live here you don't have the power to be able to just _go. _So I understand completely. Maybe we can do it again if you ever get the urge to go somewhere." He turned a bit, prepared to wish her his good-byes, and walk down the stairs.   
"That would be nice." She paused for a moment, a slight grin on her lips and the twinkle of wit in her eyes. "Would you consider us friends Eriol?"   
Obviously this was not what he had been expecting, however he remained his cool, "I think we are friends. Perhaps even good friends."   
She smiled, and then wished him good bye as she walked into the bed and breakfast.   
The sun had now set. And the street was dark, except for the lights which would come on in a matter of minutes. But for a few moments the street was dark, deserted, and lonely. And then the street lights came on.   


AN: Okay then. Well, there is chapter 6! Yatta! Anyways....next chapter, I am debating if I should make it a little lighter, or if I should introduce romance, or if I should...hell, I have no clue. ^_^;; Gomen ne. But in any case, I hope you are enjoying the story. There might not be any chapters for maybe two weeks or so, due to the fact that Thanksgiving break is over, and I must go back to school. Not fun indeed. ;_;   
Sorry for any spelling.   
E-mail me at : furinkoto_neko@yahoo.com   
note: stupid spell check did not have surprisingly! what kind of computer does not have surprisingly! (dont even know if I am spelling it right) so, if it ticked you off that it was mispelled, gomen ne.   



	7. Chapter Seven: Mashiawase

**Aki no Gensou**   
Chapter 7 

Tomoyo's violet eyes opened, slowly. It took her a bit to focus, and then as she looked up, it was not the ceiling that met her face, but instead the beautiful face of Hiiragizawa. She breathed in sharply, her eyes tracing over his fine features. From the dark clouded eyes, to the tangle of rich dark hair, the color of deep midnight, that seemed to cover his eyes when he moved a bit, and finally to his lips, which led down to his perfectly shaped chin. Her lips formed a gentle smile as she rested her hand against his arm. This warmth was something she had missed, something she had not felt for a long time. She let it overpower her, this beautiful feeling of happiness. This beautiful feeling of being content with ones life. This beautiful feeling of being loved. Being loved not as a friend, and not as a daughter, this feeling of being loved by someone who saw in you all the things he desired to live out his life with. His lips quivered, the smile forming, and his eyes rested over her, just content to bask in her beauty. Eriol's hand reached up, and brushed her hair away from her face. He bent down, slowly, softly, leaning closer and closer to her. His lips met her warm skin, as he placed slow, soft kisses up her collar bone. She lost count at how many there where. He looked up, a gleam of mischief in his eyes, as he whispered to her, "You are beautiful in the morning, with nothing on but my night shirt." Tomoyo laughed. A glorious, heavenly laugh that filled the room with merriment, warmth and happiness. She sat up, her hair falling behind her shoulder, the nearly transparent shirt slipping off her shoulder, revealing her luminous bare body as she softly kissed him on his lips. She could hear his hair rustle as he moved, and she detected the ever familiar scent of sandalwood and incense from his skin, and as she kissed she felt happy. _No more tears..._ she silently thought as she wrapped her hands around his bare body.   
~   
Tomoyo's violet eye opened, slowly. It took her a bit to focus, and as she looked up the gray ceiling met her face. Gingerly, she petted the near by Meiru, who purred contentedly. The room was cold, and gray. The blinds had been shut, and it was hard to see in the gray darkness. Her thoughts wandered back to the dream. How strange, and odd that she should dream of Hiiragizawa. All she felt for him was friendly warmth, never anything romantic. And yet, why had she dreamt it, and why had the dream affected her so? Why did her body feel hot? She looked over it, determined and concluded that it would be the farthest thing on her mind that day. She could not let have such things trouble her. Not today. Nothing would happen today. And as she got up, her bare feet touching the cold wooden floor, her feet walking over to the window, and her delicate hand pulling up the shades, the dream disappeared from her mind. Of course, not permanently. 

Dressed she walked down the stairs, that creaked every other step, Meiru in arm. She turned the corner abruptly as she reached the stable ground. She slowly walked to the drawing room, her eyes falling from fireplace, to the old wing back chair in the corner, to the bundle of fur basking in the glow of the firelight. Meiru had become quite fond of the innkeepers cat, Inkblot. No, it was not a romance sort of fondness between the two, but a more comforting fondness. For hours beyond end, the two would sit it front of the fireplace, side by side, or perhaps interlocked between each other, so one could only see four ears, two sets of whiskers, and four legs. She smiled, as she gently placed him on the floor, her hair falling freely over her shoulders. Her smooth soft hand petted first Inkblot, and then Meiru. She was glad that Meiru had fond someone to keep him company, between the long endless hours she seemed to be absent from her room. Grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl in the drawing room, she grabbed her purse (which was on an antique wooden hanger by the door) and slowly left the warmth and peace of the building. Outside, the cold slapped her in the face, causing her to wince. However, she braved it, perhaps not with a smile, but something close to it, tugging at the corner of her mouth. She had a few things to do, before she set off to Hiiragizawa's house.   
It was December 24th. The Eve of Christmas. Much had changed from those last dreary days of November. It grew cold, and within a week from that wonderful, glorious day that the two had driven in the country it had began to snow. The snow here was not a torrent of wind, and gusts like it was in Japan. It seemed, softer, and kinder, as it fell quietly to the ground from the heavens. The world looked soft, and comforting. The streets were filled with a sort of sorrow, and cheer at the same time. The cold snow, seeming looked in mournfully at the cheer which flooded out of family's windows.   
Tomoyo had slept in late that day. How late was it? _ Nearly four_, her mind tugged. She must not be late. She could, no, would never forgive herself for it. She had been up late at night sketching. It had been so long sense she had felt the urge and the inspiration to design. It had been so long sense the waters of her imagination had flooded over. She had relished the splendor, painting, and designing until the dim light of dawn called out to her, and she fell, exhausted onto her pillow. And then...she had dreamt. 

Her hands were wrapped firmly around a bag, pilled high with presents. She had shipped all of the ones that she had bought for everyone to back to Japan. This had been her first Christmas alone. Her first Christmas without Sakura. But...then she figured, ever sense she had come to England, she had done many things without Sakura. Maybe things were better this way. Maybe not having to avert ones eyes from Sakura and Li passionately kissing under the mistletoe was better. Perhaps Nakuru and Spinel Sun would make her holiday something she never imagined. Perhaps Eriol, with his dark eyes, lighting up with merriment as he opened his gift would be exactly what she needed. Happiness was what she needed. Happiness. 

And suddenly, the words over took her, their meanings mixed up, lost, discovered, and re defined all at the same time. And at the verge of her lips was.... 

_and we shall meet....in our secret rendezvous_   


She stopped walking. Her body felt as it once had when she had woken up. Hot. It was only for a brief second that she felt this heat, and then it died away. Her hand reached down deep into her pocket, as she wound her fingers around the small metal object, cool to the touch, and yet seemingly beating with life. She continued walking.   
~   
"Nakuru. Dammit. You have been cooking up a storm." Eriol mumbled as he helped himself to a cup of coffee.   
Spinel Sun slowly fluttered down onto the table, making a sound that was barely audible. The kitchen was bright and cheerful, compared to the weakening light of day. The smells of sweets, sugar, gravy, eggnog, beef, and all sorts of wonderful delights all mixing together with the smell of fresh pine, to create a smell that was uniquely Christmas.   
"Good morning!" Nakuru snapped, as she turned her head around to glare at him, her eyes brimming with a mixture of anger, and sarcasm. She was enjoying it, of course. "I see that you certainly pay attention to the alarm clock." Her back faced him once again. He noticed the spring of holly attached to her hair. He sighed, resting his head in the palm of his hand.   
"I'm sorry. I stayed up all last night putting lights on the tree." Eriol lied between his teeth.   
Spinel Sun, his voice quiet and soft, questioned, "Why didn't you just enchant it?" His eyes shifted to the little stuffed animal, who nibbled at a piece of toast with jam (without sugar).   
His cheeks burned. _Damn. Why did I have to make such a thing? Nakuru would never ask that. He is too smart. _Trying to think of some remark, he was glad when out of the corner of his eyes he noticed the milk boiling over. He coughed, as he tried not to laugh, "Nakuru. I would check the stove."   
The sounds that followed were one of pots clattering, and shrieking voices. In between all this, Eriol made his leave. Sooner or later, Spinel would come fluttering up to him, in his mysterious way, being perfectly frank, asking him, what had he been up to all night?   
Hurriedly he climbed up the stairs, the cold marble stairs, which seemed to absorb all sound. The only thing that mattered to him was tonight.   
~   
She fingered the object in her hand. The picture of rolling clouds, over a series of hills, the grass swaying, rested in front of her eyes. Under the picture, rested the words, _Il pleut dans mon coeur ._ The words rolled over her lips, the beautiful words. _Il pleut dans mon coeur_. She turned the round object over, her eyes resting on the engraving of a heart, its wings fluttering, and a halo over its head, swiftly moving off towards the heaven. She could almost hear the wings flash by ears. And below this rested the word _fenetre_. Her hand pressed down against the button, and one of the sides sprung open, revealing the twelve symbols, the two hands, and the ever familiar tick of the watch. On the inside rested the four words, _to Eriol from Tomoyo._ It really should have been to Hiiragizawa from Daijouji, but of course the two had promised not to call each other that anymore. She liked the sound of his name. Eriol. It reminded her off a fresh breeze, blowing in from the clear, blue, calm, sea.   
Ever sense the day in the forest, the two had seen each other at least three times a week. Often, they would meet at the Rendezvous, however, whenever the two expressed an interest to anywhere else, they would go together. At times, Nakuru would tag along, however...ussually it was just the two of them. She felt comfortable around him, his gentle manner, soft voice, and wise insights. She was happy when she was with him. 

And then, she realized it.   
~ 

The cheerful ring of the door bell echoed throughout the great house. Eriol, who sat hunched in his chair in front of the fire place, looked up at the sound. _It must be Tomoyo. _ The world seemed very different when she was around. Somehow the world was better, brighter, warmer. Hurriedly he sprung from the chair and walked the length of the room over to the great door. Quickly he opened it, and hurried down the hall. He knew Nakuru would not have heard the bell, for the damn Christmas music was on so loud that no one could hear themselves think strait for two seconds. The tap of the shoes against the marble staircase. Ahead his determined eyes could see the great door, and the tile of the floor, which mingled in-between the iron of the stair bannister. He was breathless with excitement when he reached the stairs. It had been so long sense he had been happy, and glad that someone new ventured over to his house in the cold, and perhaps he was just generally glad that this person was Tomoyo. Her name reminded him dimly of a warm night in spring, the blossoms from the plum tree lazily falling to the ground, only visible by the bright moon light. His strong hand turned the knob, and there his eyes met with those of Tomoyo. She looked beautiful, dressed in something of her own creation, a long sweep of of red chiffon. This dress was elegant, and yet some how natural to her and the surroundings. The graceful curve of the fabric heightened her already visible curves. And he realized how over overpoweringly beautiful she was, not only in appearances, but something in her soul. Something in the way her eyes glistened back to you made one happy. Something in the smirk of her lips, and her coy and wise words to match the others. This truly was Tomoyo. She smiled, she had learned how to smile again, and it reached her eyes. Her arms wrapped around him, not in a romantic sort of way, but in a feeling of mutable friendship. He could feel her body press against his, and suddenly he felt very hot.   
He smiled, and said, "Tomoyo, you look wonderful."   
She brushed this aside. She was never one for taking complements, "Thank you Eriol, you look very nice too. Merry Christmas." The two had just exited from their embrace. He hardly remembered he was wearing some semi-formal attire. Yes, it was a gray shirt, which brought out the gray and emerald flashes that resided in his eyes.   
"Merry Christmas to you, Tomoyo." Eriol returned, his eyebrows raising. "Lets go into the kitchen and see what Nakuru has been doing all day. I myself only went in there once, but was scared away."   
Tomoyo grinned, "Yes. Eriol, this will be an adventure indeed."   
And so....the two walked in to the warm and inviting kitchen. To be, second later, attacked by Nakuru's wild hugs and warm wishes of a Merry Christmas, and the quiet voice of Spinel as he fluttered up to Tomoyo, and too, wished her a very Merry Christmas.   
~   
The dinner had been excellent, much to Nakuru's happiness as well as the rest of the party. The dining room glowed fresh with the light of the candles, which seemed to be giving off an abnormal amount of light. _Must have been Eriol_. Tomoyo thought as she put the spoon to her mouth, to taste the last remnants of the beautiful dessert. The affair seemed to be winding down. Nakuru had a semi glazed look in her eye, which must have been most logically due to the fact that she had been cooking sense two in the morning. Spinel sun was curled on the table, sleeping off the sugar high. Eriol, on the other hand, looked as dashing and alert as ever. It was quiet now, and she noticed that Nakuru sat looking down at her bowl, perhapes half asleep. While Eriol was gazing contentedly at her.   
She felt somehow this sudden heat, and the power of his eyes.   
He noticed this, and said, his voice kind and hospitable, "Why don't we go into the other room. I would love to hear you sing, Tomoyo."   
Nakuru's head popped up, a smile on her face, and her hands clapping. She exclaimed, "Why yes! A song!" It was amazing how easily she recovered.   
Her pale skin was momentarily white, and then, overcoming the obstacle, she grinned, a sly glint coming to her eyes, "I would be delighted. Of course, I must hear something by Eriol as well."   
His glasses caught the shimmer of the candle light, as he responded, quietly, "It would be my pleasure."   
~   
It was a beautiful piece of music that flooded through the house that night. Not something typically Christmas, but something so very...Eriol. As soon as he had played the first five notes she recognized it. The memories of sitting beside her radio in her small apartment wound through her mind. The music, soft and sad, and yet slowly, gently and slowly, building up higher and higher, until one could almost touch the heavens with ones hand. It was, of course, Beethoven's Adagio un poco moto, from the Panio Concerto Number 5, 'Emperor'. Its beautiful notes danced around Tomoyo, and through the whole piece her eyes lay on Eriol. His strong delicate hands, slowly fingering the keys, as if tempting them with some fruit, to play the most beautiful sound. A look of ease, mixed with concentration was written in ink on his face. And yet, one time, he had looked up. And for that moment in time, their eyes had locked together, searching each others souls, with questions. So many questions, yet to be unanswered. And yet, they were secretly known to both of them.   
He finished. And the room for a brief moment in time was quiet. And then...   
"That was beautiful Eriol!" Nakuru squealed as she clapped happily.   
Tomoyo too clapped. There was no need to complement him. He knew how it sounded. He had known its beauty.   
And yet, all to soon, Tomoyo found herself, hand resting gently against the cool smooth piano. She heard the rustle of fabric from behind her back. Eriol stood against the crackling fireplace. She could almost see him, and his eyes resting on her back. She breathed. And suddenly, the words of some old forgotten song came to her lips, and she sang. 

Quand nous chaterons le temps de cerises,   
Et gai rossignol et merle moquer   
Seront tous en fete.   
Les belles auront la folie en tete   
Et les amoureux, de soleil au coeur   
Quandnd nous chaterons le temps de cerises,   
Sifflera bien mieux le merle moqueur... 

She breathed, trying to remember why this song had come to her lips. This old, forgotten song, of some child hood memory. Its scratchy voice, on some movie, singing the words. How many times had she heard it? And yet, not knowing the meaing of the words, she could tell that this song best described her. This beautiful song was herself. This beautiful song was Tomoyo. She heard the breathing of Eriol. She could feel his eyes. And she begged, and pleaded for the flush not to come to her cheeks. She continued to sing, letting the song take her high above the clouds... 

Mais il est bien court le temps des cerises   
Ou l'on s'en ba deaux cuelliren revant   
Des pendants d'oreilles   
Ceries d'amour aux robes pareilles   
Tombant sous la feuille en gouttes de sang,   
Mais il est bien cour le temps des ceries   
Pendants de corail qu'on cueille revants 

J'aimerai toujours le temps des cerises,   
C'est de cep temps la que je garde an coeur   
Une plaie ouverte   
~   
The door closed quietly, and Eriol and Tomoyo walked out onto the path way. The crunch of their shoes could be heard against the fresh snow. Nakuru had fallen asleep on the chair, and Spinel was still fast asleep on the dining room table, surrounded by mountains of sweets. Beside the twoof them was Tomoyo's present, wrapped in red cloth, tied with thick green fabric which smelled of pine trees. She could almost imagine the glee in Nakuru's voice as she opened the box to see what lay inside.   
She felt content, tired, happy, and excited at the same time. She could feel the watch against her warm body. She could almost hear the tick.   
She could hear his constant breathing. 

_She looks so beautiful, tonight. _Eriol absently thought as he glanced at her. He felt for his pockets, and as he slid his hands down into them he could feel the small velvet case. 

"Thank you very much for inviting me, Eriol." Tomoyo said, as the two stopped beside a small pond that was frozen over.   
"It was my pleasure. I am very glad you came." Eriol flushed a bit. He was glad it was dark. He knew there would be more.   
"I...I- I wanted to give you your present, away from the others." Tomoyo said, as her graceful hands slowly felt her way into her pocket. _Why am I so...nervous?_ Her mind questioned. She continued, she had to say this, "I just wanted to say thank you. For being there, here, rather. And....just being here." Somehow, her perfectly performed speech had failed her. She found herself grasping for words that were just out or her reach. Instead, she quickly wrapped her hands around the watch. Somehow Eriol seemed shocked by all this. His eyes were wide in a surprised way she could have never imagined. Eriol was no longer under his own steady and cool control. Eriol was now in uncharted water. If it had not been such a serious moment, Tomoyo would have laughed.   
She took his gloved hand slowly in hers, and placed the item down into them softly. She felt his warmth in that brief moment oftime. He looked down at it, a mixture of disbelief and happiness mingled together in his eyes.   
The only sound that one could hear was the two breathing. Deep slow breathes, which mingled in with the frosty air, to create something thick, all almost touchable. The world stopped. And finally, finally, Eriol said, his eyes looking up from the watch, which he had examined closely, turning it over and over in his hands, feeling the ridges, and the metal, "Thank you, Tomoyo."   
Silence. His eyes glanced at her. Her face was lit up with something wise, and knowing written on it. A smile appeared and engulfed her face with happiness.   
He continued, suddenly finding that his collar was a bit to tight, "I have you something too." He took something dark, and black from his pocket and handed it to her. Tomoyo dared not open it. A mingle of fear mixed with apprehension washed over her body. And yet she forced herself to open the small black box.   
It glowed. A soft lavender, mixed with the color of blue one finds at the edge of a dawn sky. It smiled up at her, its cheery eyes. This piece of jewelry was by no comparison the most beautiful thing she had ever owned. Surely, this must have cost a fortune. Of course, Eriol had a fortune. So did Tomoyo, on the other hand.   
It was a small piece of some sort of stone, perhaps moon stone, for she knew that she had heard somewhere it glowed. It was about the size of a quarter, and inlaid into this was a beautiful, minute face of a woman. Her broad brow, and serene eyes seemed to comfort Tomoyo. She felt its surface, which was strangely warm. The world seemed to stop. She could only feel her chest. And the breathing. Slowly. And then, all to soon she saw his gloved hands take it out of the box which was as dark as night. He leaned forward. Slowly. Slowly. She could hear his breathing. He whispered, almost a bit to softly, "Let me put it on you."   
She could feel his warmth, and his body pressed against hers. She could nearly hear his heart. But mostly, all she was aware of was his breathing. She did not want the moment to end. This warmth she wanted to continue forever. To be warm. _The dream. _her mind whispered _The dream.... _ And the events of the night before called out to her. His face. His smiling eyes. His warmth. His bare body pressed against hers. His voice. The love. However, like all things, it came to an end and they separated. She looked at him, truly smiling, "Thank you, Eriol. It's so beautiful."   
_Not as beautiful as you._ He breathed. _Damn. _ He heard himself whisper. _You are turning into some pathetic fool. Some mindless man. Still...._   
She stood on her toes, and kissed him gently on the forehead. She could almost feel his surprise shudder through the air. After that she knew what would come next, and yet she was scared. Scared of what might happen. What might be done.   
She called over her shoulder, and she quickly walked away, "Merry Christmas. Eriol."   
Eriol just stood, baffled. And all to soon, he felt the heat come to his body.   


AN: Wa ha ha ha.   
Okay. first of all. Studio Ghibli, tankyuu for the use of your song "Le temps du Cerises". Anyways. There is your bit of romance. Is that enough? Well, don't worry. There will be more. Next chapter. Fast Forward to the wedding, you know, Sakura and Li's? How will Tomoyo deal with Sakura? Will anything new happen between Tomoyo and Eriol? Who knows?   
Once again. Forgive any typo's/ spelling. 

furinkoto_neko@yahoo.com   



	8. Chapter Eight: Yakume

AN: Okay, here is chapter 8. Dammit, I don't own Kondansha, or whatever that company is. If I did...believe me, *sobbs* I would be rich. wa ha ha. Also, I am sorry. This chapter....well, is a transition between England and Japan. There you go. Sorry. This chapter is basically, the two realize that without the other person their life is boring. 

Aki no Gensou   
Chapter 8 

It was raining, and the speckles of millions of mirrors smashed into the tinted windows. It was raining that day she left. The world was darker through these windows, and yet through these windows she could see the green grass at the far end of the long strait roads. A few scattered wildflowers broke up the eternity of green. It was so good to see the green after the white snow of winter. The flowers were ones she did not recognize. Not stiff and formal like the ones native to her land, but bending and playing, their small heads bobbing up and down, up and down, with the breeze. The image flooded over her, the beautiful watch, the scenes of clouds flying across the sky, and the endless windswept valleys below. She missed him, fervently, hopelessly. She wished she had told him now. She wished she could have at least touched his warm skin one last time, shared a few brief, choking words, and then silently swiftly she could have fled. But now, it was too late. The letter would be enough. She would see him soon. She promised herself this. However, she just hoped that the usual warmth that flooded through his eyes would remain, instead of the hatred she feared.   
She slowly slid herself in the uncomfortable seat that would be her home for ten hours. The time slowly droned by, each minute becoming an hour, each hour becoming day, until she slowly drifted off to sleep. Before her eyes closed with a firm resolve the memories of the months drifted by. It seemed as if she had just been in England but a week, and yet it was much longer. She had grown, matured, and had slowly began the process of knowing herself, and discovering what exactly she held inside, and all the while, life there, compared to Japan, had been bliss. She could picture the Rendezvous clearly in her mind. The last time she had seen it was two days ago. She could remember the whipped look of the mortar and stucco mixed together, the small green plant that ran up one wall, and the beautiful golden angelic light that be building glowed splashed against the sidewalk. She could almost see Eriol sitting across from her, almost touch him, almost know he was there. The thick cream table clothes, and the warm food that brightened ones mood. She missed all these, and now she was going back. Going back to the apartment, whose hands she could almost feel winding, like some weed, around her neck. She could nearly smell that smell of intoxication. And how different it all seemed to go be going back. Going back to ones home. However, she was not happy to return. How could she be? Return to her dismal college existence, no friends, or social life? How could she be happy to return to Japan, where Sakura and Li were gazing into each others eyes, and the light of the wedding brightening from the horizon. How could she be happy? How?   
~   
Back in London, the sky was a tad overcast, and once again the familiar smell of the storm was being blown in by the endless torrent of grays and blue, the sea, of course. Strangely, the world was cold, and quiet. _So unlike London. _noticed Eriol, as he stepped down the cool white marble stairs, down to the great front door. A few letters were scattered against the marble, which in the foyer was a deep black, with mysterious whiffs, and puffs of some gold running like a river through them. The white and the black. Dark and light. However, strangely the black looked more appealing today. Something in the air whispered to him that bad news lay in the white parchment that so innocently looked up at him.   
Eriol was not one to be afraid, and in one clean, smooth movement he whisked the pile of letters into his hand. His eyes scanned over the words, registering them as bill, unimportant, or important. Bills were never important, for Eriol, as it was commonly known, was very well off in the world. A few were marked as important, and the others thrown into the trash, but as he flipped to the last letter, he caught his breath. His eyes dancing over the words that plagued his gray eyes. It was a beautiful, slanted, controlled sort of script. He had seen it many times before, oh, so many times. However, he found it quite strange that the master of the hand should write him, for she was not nearly three kilometers away.   
He took the letter up to his study, worry and suspicion jumping through his mind. When he reached the study, he could wait no longer, and quickly, hurriedly, he took his stiff cold letter opener and ripped it open. And yet, even before he read the paper, he knew, as his mind wandered back to the two days before.... 

_It was at the Rendezvous, of course. The storm from a few days earlier had finally passed, leaving the sky a milky sort of blue in the weakening light of day. A few stray clouds passed over head, causing the area to go into a deep purple shadow. The whisper of winter was still in the wind, the sharp, biting quality. However, inside the Rendezvous, it was as warm, and comforting as ever._   
_The two had been talking idly about something of no consequence, while waiting for the tea. It was a quiet sort of day, the lavender color strangely comforting to look out at, glad that you were not the one out in the cold. However, clearly evident was a sad sort feeling, like quiet tears, falling from the clear sky. The tea was gently placed on the table, and the two looked down at it. The pure white cups, the snow white pot, painted with small lavender lines, which steamed happily. The two drank there tea quietly. A few times, Eriol's eyes had glanced over to Tomoyo. Her eyes never looked up, instead there was a look in her eyes, as if she was hiding something, that would cause her to cry. How sad, she had looked just then._   
_She placed her cup down, quietly, gently. There would be no frankness from Tomoyo today, only the vague mystery of something hidden in the shadows. And once again, the thought of how sad Tomoyo looked flashed through his mind._   
_Her voice, was quiet, and soft, as she spoke, "I am going back to Japan soon."_   
_Eriol sipped his tea slightly, and then nodded quietly, as he sighed, "Yes. That is true."_   
_She looked up at him, her eyes the way they once were, sad, and quiet. She was hiding, "I might leave in a week, depending on...." Her voice trailed off, as she sipped her tea. Obviously, she did not want to leave. And Eriol dared to hope, ..._is it me?_.... and then, quickly as soon as it had sprouted, he pulled it out. No. That was not it. Of course, how blind he had been. She was going back to Japan. Back to her real life, no longer smiles, but back to the masks. Back to watching, a trace of laughter on her face, Li and Sakura. She was going back to her world, she was a stranger in Japan. And yet....somehow, Eriol felt that Tomoyo belonged in England. He did not want her to go. The idea baffled him. The fact that Tomoyo had actually become a companion, something that made his life brighter. Something that allowed him to not think of the sea, something that allowed him to live. Once she left, this would be the end of the play. His life would return to as it once was. His life would no longer be tea at the Rendezvous, drives in the country, plays, and laughter. His life would be the past. How the past always had a way of returning...._   
_"But, in anycase, I just want to say...how much you, and England, and...well, everything has meant to me." Tomoyo said, hidden in the lavender light of the day for a second. Tomoyo felt the object in her throat. She did not want to go back. She wanted to stay here, with the green moors, and the sea. She did not want to go back. And yet, life was full of disappointments. She must not make him frown. She did not want him to be sad, he would be sad enough in two days._   
_She smiled, perhaps real, and yet it was hard to tell in the light. "Lets go on a walk. I would like to have a good look at the sea, just once."_   
_Kaho was as far away as she could possibly have been. Instead of the torture he usually felt when he thought of the sea, instead it was as if something wonderful had happened, something sacred. Something unexpected._   
_"We better hurry then, after all, it will be dark soon."_   
_The two walked quietly through the streets. Not a word was spoken. However, once Tomoyo stopped and purchased a bouquet of daisies. Eriol questioned. Of course, Tomoyo just smiled, and said, quietly, mysteriously, dangerously,_ he will find out_. The sea loomed ahead at the end of the street. She had never known that they were really so high up from the shore. It was as if they were high, high above on some cliff. She looked over the railing, her eyes falling ahead to the sun that streamed in through the clouds, sending patches of golden happiness down onto the gray waves. She looked down at the daisies. She selected a particularly beautiful one, and held it tight. With the rest of the bunch, she watched as she threw them far, far away, into the gray water. The wind blew, cold, and sharp. But it stopped her tears nearly at the verge of the eyes. She said, quietly, "That was for you...for Kaho." Eriol nodded. Perhaps her ghost was gone. Perhaps when Tomoyo left, his life would be a blank slate, and him the author. Perhaps life would be kind to him. Perhaps he did not rely on Tomoyo. Perhaps Tomoyo did not rely on him. Perhaps, they were both strong. However, these were all mysteries. And then, his gray eyes watched as a single daisy, its petals being ripped by the wind, flew into the water. Tomoyo remained calm as she explained, "That was for me."_   
_The action had been on the verge of his memory. The single daisy. Perhaps Tomoyo would start over once she got to Japan. She would die, and be reborn. She, the beautiful angel. Eriol told himself as he walked home alone, that he would visit Tomoyo again. Perhaps, he might even tell her something that had been on his mind for sometime. And yet, he knew, even as he though this thought, he was only lying to himself._

His hands carefully took out the letter. The thick, cream paper, on which was the jumble of letters, when which combined, formed words. If he did not know what it meant, he would have considered it art. He blinked, and yet even before he read the first sentence, he knew what was coming. He knew what would be said, he knew what would be done, he knew it all. 

Dear Eriol, or rather Hiiragizawa,   
I am sure you know what is coming. I am sure of it. if not, you are indeed a simpleton. You know, of course, that I am gone, and by the time you read this letter I will be flying high in the plane. I hope you will not be angry by this decision of mine. You know me too well, so I will not make up some foolish story to save you anger. It would have been to hard if you had been at the airport. I probably could not have left. I just hope you will believe me when I say, that these months I have spent with you, have been the happiest of my life. I hope that when you, Nakuru, and Spinel come to Japan for Sakura's wedding, that I will see you often. But most of all, my dear Eriol, I shall miss you. I hope that this letter finds you well, and may you take dear care. Do write often, for as you know, college in Japan can be very dull, most unlike England.   
Sincerly yours.   
Daijouji Tomoyo 

Eriol smirked. With a letter like hers, how could he be angry, or hurt? Instead, he smirked, and settled down into his soft leather chair, and picked a book out to read. Indeed, his life would be lonely without her.   
~   
It was cold. That was the first thing that struck her as she unlocked the white, worn door. The blast of stale, cold, winter air met her face. How strange it felt to come home. Home. The apartment looked relatively the same. The white refrigerator hummed continually, the fresh spring sunlight filtered in through the windows, and her bed was still neat and untouched as ever. And yet, it no longer felt the same. No longer something warm. Something that she was glad to come home to. All those months in a dark dingy hotel room, smelling of cat fur, and apple pie, had done something to her. Now the serenity of the room sent a shiver up her spine. How strange the transition for happiness to sorrow was. She thought that when she returned to Japan, her life would be as it once was. She thought it would be easy to slid back into the routine, and the loneliness. However, as her deep violet eyes scanned across her room, she could tell that becoming the keeper of masks would be easier said than done.   
She could almost hear his voice behind her shoulders. Almost touch his warmth. She could hear him whisper, in his wise, all knowing sort of way, "Just open the windows up a bit, that, Tomoyo, will brighten the place up, I'm sure."   
She nodded, and firmly walked over to the white, transparent windows, her portal to the rooftops, and skies of Kyoto, and opened them. The fresh warm air of spring time engulfed her. She smiled, a real smile, silently wishing Eriol had been there. That he was really standing just behind her. She closed her eyes, and remembered his breathing from that one frosty night. The deep slow breathes....so controlled. She sighed, happily, as long as the images of England remained in her mind, becoming the mistress of her apartment once again would not be so horrible as death.   
~   
_This is so boring._ Eriol's mind kept repeating, over and over, and over like some broken record. The great house was quiet, and cold. It had only been three days, and yet he already missed her. The days at the Rendezvous had given him something to look forward to, and his day passed by easier, and perhaps quicker due to it. He sat, his legs sprawled out from his chair, and contemplated the budding flowers just outside the windows. The milky edges turning the color of a light winter sunset. How cold they were. He wished he could have told Tomoyo this. Really, he had expected her to be with him through the spring. But, he supposed, the wedding and all the tears and rice came first. _Of course it came first. She still loves Sakura, perhaps it has faded, but....now that she is back in Japan, she will return to the way it used to be_. And, Eriol realized that his life would be the way it used to be too. He breathed in the cold stuffy room, and let it out through his nose. In this moment he caught a beautiful scent, one very familiar, one so very loved. The scent of black tea and honey. This was Tomoyo's scent, both rich, and sweet, both dark, and light. Perhapes the scent of Christmas still hung like mist throughout the house. Maybe not. Perhaps he was going mad and imagining things. Tomoyo was so strange, with her large eyes, and wise insights. She was so wise it surprised him. She did surprised him. She was one of the few women that had. The only one who surpassed him had been Kaho. _But_, he told himself, _now she is dead. And far far away._   
~ 

The dark bottoms slowly passed by, only to merge in to the white top layer that was illuminated by the sun. They slowly passed by, in a melancholy sort of way, letting the lemon yellow sun shine against the glowing rooftops, reflecting off of the millions of mirrors. If one looked up at the white, the most pure white the world had to offer, ones eyes would be blinded by the beauty. The gentle breezes tugged softly at the new leaves, causing them to whisper to each other, and dance. The gloriously blue sky, the color of newly painted watercolors, smiled out from behind these monsters of gray and white. How lovely it really was. Everything looked new and fresh, the grass its best shade, a new color which one could only describe as innocent. And yet, behind these large quantities of the gray and the white, lay the smaller children, tagging along gleefully. These smaller off springs were white, with only a hint of the darkness that their parents held in great abundance. They soon would turn to the side of darkness, of wet and wild things. But now, they were innocent. The tops of pine trees could be seen here and there, and through the gaps in the needles that they held in such numbers one could see the blue sky. How beautiful it all was. How beautiful. Off in the distance she could see other clouds, like her own, that floated and drifted lazily upon the sky. the layers of gray and white mingled together as one, to make such a beautiful color, that one could not even describe it. Yes, the beauty went beyond histories reach. The sun was momentarily blocked by the forms, and the world was cast into shadow. And yet, this darkness only made the sky look more lovely. But slowly, slowly, the sun inched its way back, and the world was it it should have been. It was as it must be. The world was this way. There was no changing it. _Life will continue for me. _Tomoyo told herself as she gazed through the open window. But there must be no more of this daydreaming of things that cannot, and could not be. Now, she must go to school. Now, she must continue the life the way it was. Now, she would forget about England. 

~   


The sky here was a fresh pale blue. Not gloriously, no, nothing so obnoxious as a glorious blue, but something more soothing, that made ones eyes happy just to sit and contemplate it for hours. It was only 1:22, and yet the light was the color and the texture of four o'clock. How old the world seemed. how ancient, and knowing. How quiet, and knowledgeable. How sad. This eternity of blue was only broken up by a growing number of clouds, that were just off the horizon. Their colors were a milky white, which mingled, and tantalized with the color of the sky, and so it became so very hard to distinguish one from the other. And yet the white and blue remained constant, flowing seemingly into one another, there lavender depths, knowing, that all to soon another storm would crash against the island. And yet it was not sad, but no, it comforting knowing that between these two masses, and families of clouds, there was happiness, and beauty. Between the sorrow, and between the gray was a beautiful and never ending vista of blue. A blue that made one happy, that one could go through the hardships that led one there. And yet, right before him, tangible, was the happiness, which had now vanished to another island, so very far away.   
How dull his life was. How mundane, and ordinary. It had only been week, his mind told himself, and yet scared that he had become to attached to Tomoyo's company. Strangely, that had never happened with Kaho. When was she gone, he would busy himself else where, but now all other preoccupation's seemed dull, and average. And now, the thought of tea and the Rendezvous by himself, as it used to be, seemed foolish and idiotic.   
To study magic, he realized, was to devote ones self to it. And yet, he felt as powerful as ever, despite the months without practice, without even thinking that instead of lighting a match he could just snap his fingers. The thought of doing any magic repulsed him. Was he not human? Questions, that been long out of his reach suddenly flew like made croquette balls into his hands. The quiet and solitude was to much for him. To let his thoughts wander would only bring his downfall. Yes, it was better to just look up at the sky, or perhaps down to his garden, which was now strewed with plum blossoms. Plum blossoms.   
~ 

She looked through the papers, all each the same thing. Where had she acquired them all? It was amazing how much stuff one could pick up. And yet, one brightly colored piece caught her eye. Images of ancient ruins, and the blue sea were painted on the page, and above this, in long, swirling letters was "Italia" She breathed in deeply. Italy. The warm sea, the warm weather. It was all so unlike England. So unlike that place. She momentarily eyed the paper, before stuffing it back into the pile, which in a matter of minutes would be put in the darkest corner of the hall closet. And yet, like England, the sea haunted her... the words flooded her body once again... _And we shall meet in our secret rendezvous..._   
  


AN: Okay. So there is Chapter 8. Next chapter, without a doubt, is the wedding. There, she will see Eriol again, and both seem to be happy in each others company. Will romance bloom? Or will there be a misunderstanding? *has yet to choose* In any case. next chapter, wedding bells ring for the genki couple of CCS. Li and Sakura, of course! Also...*bows* gomen nasai! I am sorry I lied and said that this chapter would be the wedding. ;_;... it just seemed to fit, this chapter.   
Plans:   
1.) next chapter, the wedding.   
2.) More self moping   
3.) Tomoyo travels to Italy   
4.) Eriol remains in Japan   
furinkoto_neko@yahoo.com 


	9. Chapter Nine: Omedeto

AN: geez, I swear, romance romance romance. O.O ah, but don't worry, I'm not mad. *ponders* I don't think there will be any *real* romance until chapter 11 at the latest. Anyways, the usual: I don't own Kondansha, for if I did, believe me in my free time I wouldn't be writing a fanfic based on CCS, I would be directing the third movie, dammed. Also, on that note: I don't own CLAMP, I just tread on their genius. And thirdly....I don't own Sakura, Li, Tomoyo, Eriol, Nakura...or any other CCS characters. Oh. what a cruel, cruel world. 

Aki no Gensou   
Chapter Nine   


It was beautiful on that day. Of course it was beautiful, it had to have been beautiful. After all, Sakura's wedding could- no -would not have ever been on a rainy day. The gods, whoever they were, would not allowed such a tradigy. Tomoyo had been up since five that morning, rushing over to Sakura's house in the dim light of dawn, to get everything ready. She started out by making a quick batch of scones, which in a matter of an hour, Sakura would say they were wonderful. And of course, Tomoyo would smile, and say that living in England had taught her a few things. At this response, Sakura, who had been drinking a cup of coffee, spit into the coffee laughing hysterically. Tomoyo had yet to understand which she had just said.   
She finished the last bit of hem on the the pale cream wedding dress, intricately embroidered with beautiful pastel fabric. The most beautiful work she had ever done, was this dress. This dress Sakura would remember as the dress she wore on the happiest day of her life, and for generations happiness would be passed down to her children. And for generations this dress would be her best work. She acted the usual, perhaps even too happy for Sakura. And while Sakura showered, she allowed herself the most briefest sob, but she quickly put her hands to her mouth to smother the sound. For Sakura to be sad on the happiest day could not be allowed. Instead, she sat in front of the mirror and arranged her face into the perfect expression of happiness, and calmness. By the time Sakura exited from the shower, Tomoyo, the keeper of masks, looked as happy if it was herself that was getting married. _To get married..._ Tomoyo sighed, and almost laughed as soon as she thought the three words. _ To get married.....how silly._   
The day went by to quick, and before Tomoyo was even aware of it, she found herself watching Sakura walk down the isle. It was an outdoor wedding of course, the temple was filled with cherry blossoms, blowing softly in the wind. The pink petals, the color of the sunrise on a winter's day, flew and brushed the air. Softly. Sadly. The world was like a movie, her the audience. None of the vows the two shared affected her. The sunlight did not warm her. The smiles did not cheer her. Yes. All was as it should be. This was the path that was meant to be taken. Of course, there was no denying it. And after those five fateful words had been spoken, the two would be joined forever in their never ending season of love. As she waited for her life to shatter like glass before her eyes, she looked up. Her dark, sullen eyes shifted, tired of all this love, of all this happiness. She could feel the whisper of something brush against her face, she she looked up, her eyes meeting with Hiiragizawa. Oh, how good it was to see him. To know what she felt, and how much like the deep fiery pits of hell this reminded her of. His lips moved to form a knowing smile, and his eyes glinted. His dark eyes, the color of the mist from the sea on a high moor, seemed to push her on, giving her the much needed strength. There was no anger in these eyes, and this seemed to brighten the sky for Tomoyo. She could never have it if Hiiragizawa was angry at her. At the moment, he was her only true friend. The only person she could talk to. The only person who would know her pain, as she stood there like some mannequin or puppet. The world was hot, as she felt a familiar bit of pink rise from her soul to her cheeks. But no, she would not have any of it. No. She told herself. Yes, today he would be the friend she knew and trusted. Today they would talk, walking through the temple gardens. Today she would spill out her soul which cried the never ending tears for Sakura. The world had stopped since she had looked up, then dimly, ever so dimly, she heard the words. The words that would bring her downfall.   
_You may kiss the bride...._   
And then like that, they were one. One body, mind and soul. She could feel there love, resonating off them like some sick power. She smiled, allowing her teeth to show. Yes, a real smile, for this was Sakura's happiness. She would never allow Sakura to be sad. Never. There was no need for rice at this wedding, for the cherry blossoms seemed to be doing just fine, as they quickly darted through the wind....   
~   
It was the perfect wedding. The perfect music swarmed magically above the crowd's head. And the perfect bride was as beautiful as ever. The ceremony was under the sprawling pastures of pink trees, which petals softly, softly fell to the ground. Tomoyo hugged Sakura, wishing her the greatest happiness, and even managed to pretend herself that these were tears of joy that she had wept, and not of sorrow. She greeted Li, laughing, crying, and nearly singing with happiness for him. His large brown eyes could tell, tell her sorrow, but today, she knew he would not look into her hers. Today was his day for happiness. And yet, so constant was Tomoyo that she managed to be happy for scattered moments of time. However, just out of her reach was the person she most longed to talk to. Often she would catch his eyes across the crowded lawn, and her eyes would travel across to the someone he was idly chatting with. How she longed to talk to him. And yet, she knew that it would take her ever so long to work her way across to him, person by person.   
She sighed. Perhaps the walk through the temple garden would be taken alone. Perhaps that was better. After all, Eriol might not notice the sun catching on the koi's scales as they wadded throughout the pond. Perhaps he would not notice as the garden slowly introduced its different levels of beauty. Perhaps, being alone was what she needed. _A good cry. Yes._ she firmly told herself. _A good cry would make it all work out._ Sakura must never know.   
And so, Tomoyo walked, slowly, calmly across the lawn No one who's eyes glanced her way would have known. No one would have suspected. The cherry blossoms did not affect her, thank the lord. She opened the small gate, its worn wood gray with age and use, reminded her of the garden gate she opened to enter onto Eriol's property. The sounds and murmurs of the party drifted father and farther away as she walked deeper and deeper into the paragon of beauty. She let herself drown into the mixture of plum, cherry, and apple blossoms that tantalized longingly in front of her face. The deep strong rocks glinted at her in the sunlight, there beauty of time startlingly brilliant against all this new growth. The path led to the water, the clear, blue pond. Its waters enticed her, begged, and urged her to jump it. The koi, their orange, red, and white scaled flashed in the sunlight, just as she had imagined. She walked across the bridge which separated land from sea, and onto the first rock. She continued, her eyes clung maniacally to the koi. The glints of sun. The glints of happiness. It was best to sit down, for suddenly the world spun around her and she felt faint. She allowed her body to slowly, and yet in one fluid motion, to sit down onto the seventh stepping stone. How close the water suddenly was, even though the rock was a good three to four feet away from the beginning of its end. She sighed. Now, she felt the water rise up, choking her, drowning her, it's sorrow pulling her deeper and deeper down. She sobbed. The memories of the child hood were now far away; memories of costumes, of Hong Kong, memories of laughter, of love, of baking in the dark hours of the night. Now all these things seemed old, and faded, as if they had happened a hundred years ago. She wanted to remember them, and yet like the water, keep on flowing. It just...keeps on flowing. She remembered Sakura saying that once, after they had returned from Hong Kong. That was the turing point. After Hong Kong, it was no longer Sakura and Tomoyo, no it was the beginning of Sakura and Li. Now Tomoyo had no one. Except, Eriol. She clung on to him, and the happiness the two had shared across the land. How so much like a fairy tale it seemed, a fairy tale of tears. The happiness was now over. And now, she could only amuse him, and make idle chatter with him. Now, they no longer held the bond. The two were separate, alone, alone....alone....   
~   
The worn gray gate had been left open, and he could smell the scent of honey, as he slowly allowed himself into the quiet world. How glad he had been to escape. How wonderful it was to be alone with ones thought's again. It struck him as humorous, that just a few days ago, he had yearned for human contact. Yearned with such a passion, and yet now he wanted to be as far away from everyone as possible. Except one person. He saw it in her eyes, the tears, that is. He wanted to hold her, and remind of the time they had shared, He wanted to hold her. _So...much..._.   
But he realized this was as possible as the moon being made out of blue cheese. No, the world did not work this way. The world was not kind. People thought it was, but it took, and took without mercy. He knew that his feelings would best be nurtured in the dark like some evil plant. He knew that it was best not to tell her, best not to scare her. He could not scare Tomoyo, for she was the only happiness in his life...   
He saw her, as he rounded the bend around the plum tree. She looked beautiful, her long trailing dress nearly touching the water as she sat on the stone, her face buried in her hands. Even before he had seen her face, he could tell she had been crying. Crying at a wedding was not a sad thing to do, but in her case, a terrible feeling of dread washed over him, the ever constant fear of loneliness.   
She looked up, her face slightly flushed, and yet as usual she resembled some heavenly goddess. Quickly she stood up. No words had been spoken, instead she retraced her feet over the worn , ancient stepping stones, and onto the shore. How soft the world was, compared to the rock. How soft... The two looked at each other, and then once again the rain poured as she cried. He could tell she was trying to stop. Tell this was the most embarrassing thing in the world. He knew. He knew her anger, and embarrassment. He walked forward, and slowly, softly, like beckoning to some wild animal, he wound his arms around her. Her body trembled, and he could almost taste the salty tears. Eriol felt the heat, slowly, ever slowly, like some maddening disease, rise up from his body. He could feel every part of her, imagine her, taste her, and kiss her: and she was there, in his arms, under the sprawling plum tree. 

How romantic, it would have been....the world seemed to whisper, if the two would realize their feelings, and allow, for once in their life, not to be afraid. But no, the wind from the north insisted, that would have to wait for another time....   
~   
"I'm sorry." She whispered, her fingers holding on desperately to his shirt. He smelled of his garden, and the kitchen, a mingle of flowers, dirt, cookies, and baked potatoes. Finally she had stopped, allowed herself to calm down, allowed the tears to be shed.   
She could feel his warmth against her body, hear his heart beat, and his breathing. It felt nice, she realized, this feeling of warmth, of knowing you were protected, being held, cared for. How long had it been sense somebody, anybody had held her? Yes, it must have been when Sakura, came, and she had met Eriol again. That had really been so long, but even that embrace was cool and casual. This was a real embrace, one that made her feel loved. It felt so very nice. She knew that she should pull away, and say thank you. But instead she lingered on, for indeed it felt so nice. She listened to his heart beat, the gentle constant, rhythmic sound. The heat came to her body, and then at that moment she felt his heat too. What she did then, was one of the hardest things to do in her life. How her body yelled, and screamed against it, but she knew that she had too. Knew that she must.... She pulled away.   
~   
She looked up at him. His face was rather hard to read, a mixture of disappointment, concern, happiness, and warmth all mingled together to create the expression. His smooth, gentle hands, reached inside his dark coat pocket. He took out his small handkerchief. His arm moved forward, and she felt the smooth cloth against her face. She saw him smiling. She closed her eyes, quietly, slowly, taking in deep breathes. She could hear his breathing. The mixture between the smells, and the texture of the cloth calmed her. She opened her eyes again, and looked up. He was smiling, his usual knowing smile, as if something off the horizon was coming into focus before the two. She did not want his hand to return to it pocket, but return it did.   
"How long are you staying in Japan?" She found herself saying.   
A few petals blew by between the two, "As long necessary."   
The question hung in the air as thick as fog.   
~   
In a mater of a few days, Tomoyo would be far away from Japan. Once again she would hide from Sakura, and yet she would have wished she had told Hiiragizawa....   
  
  


AN: Okay, this chapter is short! *bows* gomen. I just could not think of anything more to say. ;_; next chapter: Eriol looks from Tomoyo, but she is no where to be found. Meanwhile, in Italy, Tomoyo engulfs herself in her artwork as she desperatly tries not to think of Hiiragizawa or Sakura. Sorry about this chapter being short. Was that enough romance to satisfy all?   



	10. Chapter Ten: Hoshi to Umi

AN: Okay, chapter nine was WAY to short, even for my liking. However, I just could not think of anything else to say, if you know what I mean? Anyways, this chapter, we see Tomoyo in Italy, sort of like when she was in England, only minus Eriol. Eriol, is still in Japan, and has finally worked up the nerve to go over to Tomoyo's apartment, and ...how does one say this...reveal his feelings? However, he is in for a rude awakening. ^_~ don't worry all (particularly Flamer). Zettai daijoubu da. 

Aki no Gensou   
chapter 10 

The old lady had shown her the room. It was terrible. She had to admit this. The bed was a worse than it had been in England, and the walls were a terrible mixture of left over paint, to create something sickening disgusting. One might compare it to the color of something would find in the gutters Calcutta. Meiru would be happy though, she realized, the sea air was good for the two. She had been left alone after that, and after standing quietly in the dark room she walked over to the door which let in light through its dusty glass pains, and calmly unlocked it. Once again she was alone, once again she was on her own. This time there would be no Eriol to protect her, this time it would be only her, far far away in a foreign land.   
She caught her breathe, as the sky line met her face. The colors of thick rich cream of the clouds mingled together with the golden orb now low on the horizon, and finally the great blue mass of water stirred all three of these undeniable elements until they were something that one could only describe as breath taking. The clouds were aflame, alive, burning hot with colors of red, yellow and gold. The azure sky seemed to be the continual water that diluted the already startling colors, however the sky failed, and only made the scene more breath taking. And all of this beauty was reflected in the calm, quiet Adriatic Sea.   
No, it was best to live for the moment. It was best to forget Japan, forget England. Here she would start anew, here she would be reborn in Ostia. Ostia, the town by the sea. And through this town she would be able to travel to Rome, meet new people, try new things. But most of all, most important of all....she would forget Eriol, and the minutes the two had shared in the garden at the wedding.   
Perhaps Meiru would not be the only one happy here....   
~   
Eriol had been in Japan for about a month after the wedding. Nakuru had insisted after all, to visit all her old friends, which included Touya and Yukito. It had not been unpleasant to see the two, for the conversation certainly had been interesting, however he found himself wishing for the hills of Kyoto, the golden sun, and the new growth which could only be found there. He found himself wishing for the dark and dusty alleyways with sparks and flashes of zinnia's. However, the formalities were something that must be done, and so he found himself ridding the train to Tomeda, to visit Fujitaka. Yes, Wisteria. The family, no the community of flowers, of plum, peach, cherry, wisteria, yes the community of flowers.   
But now he was back in Kyoto. Now he could visit the one person he truly wished to visit. And yet each time he set out to her apartment he found himself 'mistakenly' taking the wrong turn, and end up in some very interesting part of town where he would spend the day. It perplexed him. Why was it so hard to visit Tomoyo? Did all those months of their relationship in England mean nothing to him? Or her, for that mater? Why was it strange that the heat that had taken over his body during the wedding be suddenly, and without notice extinguished? Maybe it was Japan. He figured, perhaps Tomoyo would be the way she had been. Perhaps the tears she had shed would have transformed her into the keeper of tears, and the mistress of smiles once again. And yet, Eriol found that so very hard to believe, that Tomoyo, his dear Tomoyo, should have changed so drastically.   
Often, he would look over his life, and he would become very confused over the subject of Tomoyo. She was friend to be sure, but where did the path of friendship end and the road to something else begin? He did not know what it was that caused him to feel this way. Perhaps it was her wry wit, and her beautiful voice. Of course, perhaps it was her beautiful body, which seemed to have been perfectly designed for him, and him alone. Or maybe, maybe it was every individual detail of her: her wit, body, cleverness, and overall out look on life which did this to him.   
Today, however, he resolved, today would be different. He would be able to go to her apartment, and knock on the door. Today, yes. Today.   
And so Eriol set out, firm in his resolution, a bundle of gloriously white daisy's in his hand.   
~   
The clouds moved softly by, quietly, sadly. How beautiful it really was. How sad. The warm ocean breeze swept in, Tomoyo's long fragrant hair was swept by this. Yes, the foggy moors of England were best to be forgotten. Now she only lived for the sea, the warm sea and the clouds which swept high in the heavens above her. The ancient ruins of an age gone gazed quietly at her, the worn marble pillars quietly sighed. It was truly a paragon of beauty, the green moss growing against such a backdrop. How happy it all was. The mornings of sleeping in, the mid day of classes, and the golden afternoon all to herself. At times she would draw the beauty of the ruins of rome, and yet at other times she felt herself longing for the sea. Often in a small red rented car could cruse quietly along the ocean roads. But now, she lay, her head rested against a tuff of grass, and her eyes looking towards the heavens.   
She screamed, and yelled at herself for not having told Eriol. How could she have done something like that to him? Her most important person in her life? The thought was unbearable. She had already hurt him once when she had left England, but twice? Twice? His hurt eyes drifted across the ocean to blow quietly against her cheeks. How kind he had been. So understanding. Quietly the two had walked in the garden, not one word spoken, for everything that needed to be said was naturally understood. But now, twice, had she hurt him. His eyes the color the English channel, gray and blue, a mixture of sadness and knowledge. He could tear apart her masks, and expose her knocked to the world. With his eyes he could do this. But now, as Tomoyo closed her eyes, she found the seas of England haunting her. Now she was in Italy. The land of the Mediterranean. The land of the sun. 

It had been true that the first weeks had been terrible. She lived in her hotel, or at school. And gradually, gradually, she found small corner cafes where she would stop and sketch the people going on their daily life, the ancient cobblestones glittering in the afternoon sun, the cup of steaming cappuccino mingling gently with the air around her body. The smells of wonderful things, new and adventure some. Yes, Italy was hers. The people, the food, the culture. Now, after weeks quietly becoming acquainted with the culture, she now each day greeted it as a warm friend.   
And on days like today, the wonderful clouds streaming above her head, her thoughts wandered back to England. But....most importantly, Eriol. Eriol.... 

She would admit nothing to herself yet. Nothing.   
~   
_Where the devil has she gone???_ Eriol's mind questioned angrily nearly every second the day. Sakura had become extremely worried, for Tomoyo had not even told her. Tomoyo had not told Sakura, obviously this was something big. The world had stopped. Tomoyo was away, far away, and no one knew where she was. Sakura knew that Tomoyo was fine, and enjoying her life, and there was no need to worry, but as soon as she had heard the news the first time, a look of extreme fear had crept slowly into her expressions day by day. How cruel it had been to not tell Sakura. To tell anyone. But something's, Eriol realized, are best kept a secret. Best....kept a secret. The world had stopped, and he was the only one breathing....   
...   
He had finally made it to her apartment, and his soft hand knocked gently against the door. He waited a few moments. Nothing. He knocked again. This time, perhaps, a little louder. Only the hum of the world was his answer. He leaned in closer, his ear pressed to the door. Only silence. Silence. The cruel, screaming silence.   
He knew that Tomoyo should have been home. She should have been home, his mind yelled. And yet, only this sickening quiet met his ears. How terrible it was. He rushed down the stairs, where was she? Where is she? His mind called out. Where, where, where? Suddenly the world seemed to be laughing in his face, the walls, the rugs, the stairs, the lights, all laughing. There was nothing to be worried about. She could be out for a cup of coffee, his mind whispered, she could be out getting new clothes, his mind said, she could be out riding her bike, his mind screamed. But deep, deep in the core of his being, he knew that like the autumn wind she had vanished off the face of the japan. She was far away. Beyond his grasp, beyond the mirror.   
He cursed himself for not noticing the foggy look in her eye at the wedding. He had presumed it was the sorrow that drenched her like a downpour that day. But now, now as he looked over that fateful day, he realized this was the look of secrets. Not sorrow, but secrets living in dreams and painful things. Where had she gone? The world was her pallet, and she could be painting the earth over now. She could be in London, New York, Singapore, places yet discovered. What mattered the most was that she was not in Japan. Not with him. He reached the main floor, the dumpy old lady looked over at him, slightly glazed as if she had drunk to much wine. Her eyebrows raised, not in a look of surprise, but suspicion.   
"Yes?" The woman questioned, her old scratchy voice echoing off the walls.   
He looked at her, the years of age etched into her face. She must be at least sixty, no sixty five years old. She was born in the time of war. The time of sorrow, and blood. His voice came to him, washed over him, and he heard himself whisper, gruffly, desperately, "Daijouji Tomoyo. Did she leave? Do you know where she is?"   
The world stopped and much time passed. He was aware of a bird that flew past the window behind the old lady. The wrinkles of her face moved to form a wicked smile, "Didn't you know? Why, she left." Her voice was filled with gloat. And she added, spitefully, "Oh, but she will back in the fall..." Her eyes traveled to the ceiling, as if trying to recall something very very old indeed.   
"Where did she go?" He questioned, anger, desperation, but most of all fear beginning to rise up through his body.   
"I can't really say..." The voice responded. "Far away, to be sure."   
In a matter of seconds he was storming through the beautiful flower filled parks of Kyoto. The beauty swept by infront of him. He stopped only once to gaze up at a flowering plum tree. Tomoyo was the plum blossom, falling, falling, just out of his grasp.   
~   
The summer had now arrived in Italy. How good the clean heat felt. The air from the sea did not make it completely unbearable, and the dry atmosphere was beautiful, much unlike the humid of Japan. Now Tomoyo had nearly forgotten about it all; the past. One night, however, she awoke to the same dream. The dream of Eriol and her. Her bare body, his lips against her skin, the words that had been spoken, and the actions which followed afterwards. Sometimes the dream would surface to her consciousness, but instantly, instantly she would suppress it. Eriol was in England. Sakura in Japan. And Tomoyo was in Italy.   
So much had been accomplished here. Slowly but surly she began to pick up the language, and make friends who were studying at the same University as herself. She began to learn her way around Rome, and call out to the shop venders which she knew. People began to know Tomoyo, and life for her turned from blues to reds. The light and beauty effected her greatly. How the clouds swept over her head like some beautiful dream, the colors that she could never capture, the words that would never be spoken. The dry look of the country side called out to her, the gold's standing out against the radiant never ending blues of the sky. Do you know? Do you know? the wind whispered all around her. The quiet hazy summer nights she would fall asleep to singing, and music, and in the morning she would awake to the smells of a new day. No body was in Italy except the natives. How wonderful it was not to be bombarded by the tourists. Now, it was just Tomoyo and Italy. One and one. Only a very special person would know to come to Italy in the summer, only one very unorthodox.   
~   
The warm Mediterranean breeze whipped and teased against the back of his neck. The slow moving boat tugged gently through the lapping water. How wonderful the world was around him. Here in Italy, he could forget Tomoyo. Forget the wedding and the tears. Here, he was at peace, away from Kaho and the gray waters of the Channel, and away from Tomoyo and the drifting blossoms.   
The great white clouds drifted by him, and the wind calmed his heart. His heart had been alert, since it seemed the beginning of time and the end of eternity. From the edge of the horizon he saw it, gazing back at him. Italy. It smiled gently, its golden hills waving at him through the blue sky. It whispered to him of the past. A smile tugged at his lips, a true smile. He was happy to be back in his past....for this was Kaho and him had become engaged. This was where his doom was sewn like the seeds of spring. But the memories that flooded and gushed throughout his mind were not sad, but only melancholy. The feeling of watching gray clouds whisper past the horizon was what this feeling reminded him off.   
The tap against the steel floor reminded him he was not alone. His head turned, to stare at Nakuru. She smiled gently at, her long honey like hair blowing in the wind. When she had heard of Tomoyo's disappearance an invisible wash of sadness overtook her expression. Nakuru knew as well as Eriol that Tomoyo was the only happiness he had. Had. Yes, it was over now. Like the flower of a spring, it would never reappear the same one the next season. Spinel had taken to sitting with him in his study, contemplating the fire hour after hour.   
Nakuru walked towards him, a gentle smile still standing out against her face. Her long, delicate arm wrapped around Eriol, hugging him quietly...   
~   
Yes. It was a definite urge. No, not an urge, she told herself, a longing. A great longing to tell Eriol. She had hid too long from the world, now she was better. The warm wind from the sea calmed her. She now could listen to Sakura's voice chirping like the morning birds, she now could gaze into Eriol's eyes, the sorrow having now been severely extinguished from her own. How lonely she felt that day. She had awoken from that ever familiar dream. The dream when she felt the heat of Eriol's skin pressed against her own. She could say that she had grown accustomed to the dream, but whenever she awoke from it, she no longer would sit in her bed, the sheets wrapped around her, wondering, wondering, why? Why? Today, however, instead of the nervousness or the heat that would spread throughout her body, she now felt alone. The world surrounding her suddenly foreign. And the greatest urge in her body to return to England and perhaps sit in the lazy summer shadow of the Rendezvous. However England seemed so far away today...just out of her reach, just as Sakura had been.   
Slowly she dressed herself, the memories of England surfacing one by one into her mind. But it was not the places that haunted her. No. It was the face of Eriol.   
Today would be different she told herself as she drank a cup of strong coffee, and staring out at the blue sea just outside the window pane it was. How close it was. If she broke the glass she could jump out into the mild water. The blue water. From the distance at the edge of the horizon a small dot appeared. Yes, a ship. As she watched the ship it came closer and closer, small parts becoming definable, the colors of red and white, and the rust coming together slowly slowly. She could make out two figures as they neared. A very tall women, her dark honey hair blowing in the wind, and a pale man with ink colored hair, and what appeared to be glasses. The image of Eriol flashed across her mind. Quickly she sipped her coffee, and put some money on the table and quickly left.   
Right now she wanted to sleep. Let her self escape from it all, let her self be free. She smiled. She would conquer this, she could, she would, she was sure of it. However, she had to catch the train to Rome at the moment. For in two days she would travel back to Japan, the land of humid weather.   
~   
Ostia. The town by the sea. His foot was placed upon Italy as he stepped off the boat. The quiet streets of Rome would be what he needed. Here, he and Kaho would discuss of politics, and of times gone by. Of the mortality of man, and how good the coffee of Italy really was. Suddenly he felt very tired, and the world and sea mixed together creating a blur that blinded his eyes. He stumbled, and fell. How could he fall? Wasn't he not a great sorcerer? With powers beyond any mere mortals comprehension? Power had nothing to do with this, he knew that, no it was weakness of mind. The world had been turned down, and the image blurred. Just faintly in the background could he hear Nakuru's shrieks, and feel as he was slowly lifted and taken to a small cafe, and he could just hardly taste the cool flavor of the water he was handed. The world had turned fuzzy. Why? Why.... he whispered as he closed his eyes, falling into a state of unconsciousness mingled with sleep. 

...Silently the plum blossoms fell into the water, the ripples like waves died out. He looked up, the slight faint whisper of breeze ruffling his hair. She was outlined in the moon, glowing softly, gently. Her hair was down, free, its never ending fields of rippling darkness complementing her snow white skin. She turned, and for the first time he saw her face. The same as usual, just the beauty and sorrow more beautiful and undefined as ever. Her eyes were a mingle of darkness and moonlight, like a never ending melody forming new notes in which her beauty could be sang. The dream spun and sang madly, and when he opened his eyes he found himself standing not seven centimeters away from her. He could hear her breathing, her heart beat, which was strangely in sync with his. Quiet was all he wanted with her. The whispers of shadows mingled, quietly, and the mysteries of the past were revealed. He closed his eyes, and the beautiful music of some unknown language came to his ears. So beautiful....so sad..... 

His eyes opened, and the dream faded, and reality was once again at his finger tips...   
~   
She sipped the Italian soda quietly, its kiwi type flavor refreshing in the heat of the day. Really, how she longed for the sea, the blue never ending bliss. Tonight she would step into the sweet sand, barefoot and enjoy her last quiet days here. She would enjoy these last two days if it killed her. She finished her soda, and then quickly, sketch book under her arm, she hurried off to her afternoon art class. This class was over by six, and it was six thirty when she rode the deserted train back to the small seaside town she knew so well. It was dusk when she arrived. Strangely the hunger that usually plagued her stomach around this time was absent, and instead she set out towards the beckoning sea. How quiet, and beautiful it was. Her head cleared and only the one thought remained. The sound of the sea. Beautiful...so beautiful....   
She took off her shoes and allowed herself to feel a bit of freedom as she strolled quietly through the sand. The texture was so different like anything else in the world. Soft yet rough at the same time. So very nice it was. She sat down on a bench and gazed at the remainder of the day, the sunset fading beyond the horizon, and the world turning into muted shades of gray. Yes, it was the end of summer, and soon she would go to Japan where the illusion off fall would begin again. Her head was rested on the back of the chair, and her tangle of inky hair spilled over the edge like some strange waterfall. She closed her eyes, the ocean singing to her, quietly like lullaby's she had never known....   
She was vaguely aware of someone sitting next to her. She paid the person no mind, but allowed herself to sink deeper and deeper into the sound...   
~ 

The sea called to him that night, just as it had done to Kaho. We would not resist, not here, not now. Here there would be no secrets. Nakuru was in the other room with Spinel trying to find a channel that was not Italian. However, the shows amused her, and her gay laughter filtered through the thick walls. Quietly he left, writing a quick note in his refined loop like script. He wanted to to be alone with the thoughts that plagued him. But, when he heard the sea the fears washed off him, and he was as pure as when he was born. As white as fresh snow. The streets were turning a shade of gray, and yet the lights had yet to come on. The blue hour. The streets were deserted, and this was fine, for solitude seemed strangely fitting. He walked his eyes never straying from the sea. _Come here..._it whispered, _I have a secret...a beautiful secret....wouldn't you like to know?_   
Lovely it was. Very lovely....mysterious, and quiet.   
He crossed the street, and allowed himself to sink into a bench. He barely noticed that a person was already there. However, sense there was only one bench, they would be sure to understand. His eyes wandered over the person, obviously a girl, for her body leaning quietly against the bench, her head flowing over the back of the bench, had certain features which only women could naturally obtain.. Her skin was indeed very pale, so pale. The image of Tomoyo smiling flashed momentarily infront of his mind. Her pale skin, pressed against his own.   
_And we shall meet in our secret rendezvous..._   
His eyes fell to the dark sea. Yes, coming to Italy was a good idea. Here he would find his peace, the peaceful summer...   
The woman moved, and he noticed her breathing, slow long breaths. Really, she was relaxed considering a stranger was sitting right near her. She moved again, this time a small noise uttered from her body. Her head swung forward in one fluid movement, so very graceful it was, and then she got up. He had barely glanced at her, and then she slowly turned around. The world stopped, and their eyes widened. Memories, questions, answers all raced through their heads. The sea continued on and on, but it should have stopped at that moment. It should have stopped.   
"Eriol..." Tomoyo whispered quietly. She looked at him. When she had first turned around and their eyes met, suprise was filled in them, but now it was anger, and a mixture of disappointment. She no longer could meet his gaze. How very cruel the world was. This was not the way she wanted it to happen. This was not the way at all...   
He stood up, the fabric gently making a quiet sound. The two were close, but she could not return his gaze. For the first time in months she heard the voice which haunted her dreams. But it was not as she had expected it. No, this was her worst fear. The voice was filled with anger, resentment, so unlike the wonderful sensitive voice of Eriol she knew. Now it only had anger...not a trace of anything else.   
"So this is where you have been hiding. Do you know how worried all of us have been?! Sakura has been crying nearly every night, your mother has asked the police in Japan to put out a search for you, and I, I have been worried sick about you!" The anger was obvious, radiating like an underground river. She found the tears well up, the tears of the wedding, the tears of being alone, the tears of England, but most importantly, the tears for Eriol. They fell, one after another, one continuous stream, and all through this she spoke like some mindless idiot, "I'm sorry. I am so sorry Eriol. I just had to get away from everyone, from Sakura, Li, Japan, you..."   
Eriol interrupted, suddenly as if that last word had murdered him in his bed, "Me? Why would you want to get away from me? I have not done anything- anything at all. Tomoyo, I thought we were friends." _He thought we were friends...._Tomoyo's heart whispered. The sea only spoke now, the tears from Tomoyo's eyes kept flowing, raining, pouring down.   
This was not the way he would have wanted it either. However, the truth hurt, and Tomoyo must bear the pain. Sooner or later it would have come, and Eriol was just caring out the act first. But now...the anger had faded from him, and he was hallow, like some quiet room, never to be opened. He wanted Tomoyo. More than he could ever imagine, he wanted her. He wanted her to be his, only his. He wanted to feel her warm skin against his, he wanted to talk to her, go out on walks, and just live with her. The only thing he could do now, was wrap his arms around her and comfort her. Compared to her sorrow, his was nothing. It had been cruel to yell at her. Yes, perhaps she would forget his anger and the two could start over. He felt her breathing, the slow heavy breathes. She shook, not with cold, but fear. Where had the Tomoyo of England disappeared to? Where was her strength? Had it all disappeared with the changing of seasons?   
He released his arms, and yet Tomoyo did not move. She still pressed her body against his, her arms wrapped around him. It was not a romantic act, yes it would have been different if it was romantic. She would have looked up, and then he would have kissed her, and the happiness would have been there's forever. But now, Tomoyo clung to his shirt in some desperate act of drowning. _I am stronger than this. I know it._ Tomoyo yelled.   
She forced herself to stop crying, and instead slowly dried her eyes and smiled. She looked up at Eriol, who in turn smiled down at her. She whispered, her beautiful voice quiet, soft, and full of true happiness, "Eriol, I am glad to see you."   
Eriol smiled, truly, "Yes...as I am glad to see you, Tomoyo."   
The two walked back to civilization that night. The blue hour fading, dimly, into the black hour, the hour of true night. She walked into the hotel room where the shrieks of Nakuru, and the gentle smile of Spinel made it seem as if nothing had happened. From there she had been invited to dinner, where she actually discovered she was hungry. All night, she did not mention that she was leaving. That would have to wait for later. Right now, she would be beautiful, and wonderful. How wonderful....to laugh again. However, she must be strong...   
~   
It was now a matter of hours. She looked beautiful, her long night like hair flowing, bouncing off her shoulders, and a beautiful long airy summer dress, white, the most pure white. It flowed like and danced like clouds on a fine day. She decided she would tell Eriol today, she never wanted to see the anger in his eyes, ever. Quiet solitude did not seem to suit her anymore, but it was over. Now she would return to Japan, and face the beautiful music. He should have been breakfasting, for last night he and Nakuru had invited her to breakfast down at the small local cafe. Nothing special, perhaps just coffee, a biscotti, some yogurt, and fruit. But company makes everything much better, right?   
She found them, sitting in the warm morning light, dreaming of something indefinable. Her voice found her, and she called out to them, waving quietly. They beckoned her over, and she smiled as she sat down. Eriol, when he first saw her, nearly choked on his coffee. How beauteous, and fresh she looked. Her smile, and laugh....in words he could not describe. The three of them chatted quietly, about the wonder of Italy, the weather, and life in general. Nobody was aware of the wind singing secrets from the sea. The breakfast had been finished, and Nakuru explained that she had to go get Spinel who was still sleeping. Tomoyo and Eriol would meet her at in the small, bright old street which the their was one very fine tree. They would meet under this tree. The two walked, at first quiet, but by and by they found their voices again. Tomoyo told of him of her life in Italy, and Eriol told of her of life in Japan, and that was the way it was. And yet, the conversation died out, for the shadows of secrets separated them once again. The only sound was the world around them, growing, slowly, and quietly. The sunny shop venders roofs, the worn cobblestones, the splashes of color with blooming flowers. Beautiful.   
The two continued to walk, slowly, and then, finally, the words found Tomoyo and she spoke. There was no vague actions took today, only strait forward, and the brutal truth.   
She barely noticed Eriol's last words, "I hope we can meet often while we are in Italy..."   
The meaning spread throughout her, and now the ache, the painful ache, made her regret ever leaving. Once again, she had to flee from Eriol, the person who made her life full of light once again. Yet, willingly, she traveled back into the darkness of Japan.   
"I am sorry, Eriol." Tomoyo began, "I will only be able to spend now with you. Because...you see, I was supposed to leave today." Quiet. The world continued. She continued, "I should have told you last night, but I didn't want another fight. So..." Her voice died out, it was now over, she had said what she had to.   
Eriol remained walking, his hair covering his eyes, a shadow thrown across his face. His lips moved, forming the words, "When do you have to leave?"   
"Almost now, but I wanted to wish Nakuru good bye. I am traveling down to Sicily, and taking a local plane to Switzerland, and from there...back to Japan..."   
"Ah...Japan. So you are returning there, are you?" Irony filled his voice. Not cruel, but questioning. He looked at Tomoyo, his gray eyes a mixture of reflection, and sorrow. But irony glinted through them like the star which led the people, "Well, I must say, Tomoyo it is too bad that you will be leaving. I trust that you will come and visit me, after all, it gets so boring having nothing to do..."   
Tomoyo smiled. Dear, sweet, wonderful Eriol. "Of course Eriol, believe me, I will come and visit often, as soon as I sell some of my designs and earn enough money."   
Eriol laughed, happily, "Tomoyo, you yourself know that everyone has been begging to buy those things. It's you who has to be willing to sell."   
The sorrow had faded, and only irony and happiness lay in their path.   
Eriol stopped, and looked at Tomoyo. This would be last time he would see Tomoyo in a very long time, he must remember her... Slowly, he took his hand, and wrapped it around Tomoyo's, bringing it to his lips, and gently brushing them against it. He looked up, and their eyes met for that moment of time. He smiled, "I must say, Tomoyo, Nakuru will be heartbroken."   
The warmth came again, and yet she smiled, enjoying the feeling, "I am sure she will manage." She closed her eyes as she knelt forward, and slowly kissed Eriol his brow. The scent of him momentarily intoxicated her. "I will miss you more than you know." She heard him say.   
Tomoyo smiled, quietly, sadly, "No, Eriol, I know. It is the same for me too."   
How she wished she could have hugged him, but instead she turned her head to the moving figure who was moving in their direction. It was Nakuru, a smile spread across her face. In a few moments, this smile would be replaced with tears. And it a matter of hours, Tomoyo would be riding the plane to her home. Home... 

~~   


AN: *sniff* Aww, poor Eriol and Tomoyo. Anyways...next chapter, woah, I have no idea. Either it might be the final chapter, or else, Tomoyo and Eriol ponder about eachothers feelings, and then they call eachother...or something. damn. no clue. Anyways, enjoy.   
feel free to e-mail me   
furinkoto_neko@yahoo.com   
Also...um, sorry for any misspelled words and typo's. >   



	11. Chapter Eleven: Sasayaki

AN: Okay, I am writing this at the beginning, so even I do not know what is going to happen in this chapter, isn't that scary? Hmm, well, I think this might be the second to last chapter. Basically, probably, what is going to happen is, each of them sort out their feelings for the other, and come to a conclusion. Any ways, thanks for all the reviews, as I near the end, this has been a story that I treasure close to my heart. Not only for the fact that I am going to finish it, but because I put some of my best writing into it (maybe not spelling. ah ha ha ha. ^.^;;; ) 

Aki no Gensou   
Chapter 11 

She sat watching the rain pour down, quietly, calmly. The world was gray, but warm, and she liked it. The small pools of water that formed in the streets constantly glistened with continual droplets of translucent water pouring down, one after another down to the earth. The rain clung, madly, to the tree branches, each individual droplet clearly standing out, catching the gray light, a miniature world inside each one. She was back in Japan, the land where she had been brought up, the land where she had lived, breathed, laughed, cried, drank, ate, and was just...there. How different the light was now. It was no longer cold, but strangely growing warmer and warmer each second. Japan was now not a place of sorrows, but a place of new beginnings. She was alone today, as she always was in her small apartment. Meiru had been glad to be back, and almost immediately he plopped his small fat body down on the heater, trying to find a way to find warmth. But, it was still summer in Japan. The rain graced their presence at least three times a week, and the other four days were blessed with the heated sun. She was back in school, happy, quiet, and solitude as ever. However, something in her eyes was warm. She would not admit this warmth, but secretly she acknowledged its presence. The warmth of love.   
One night she climbed the stairs to the top of the building and looked out across the world. It was in shades of blue, and gray. The blessed hour, the hour where everything melted together, and joined, the time where there was no secrets in the world. She looked out across the world, the beautiful wind sweeping in and out, through, and under the world. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to become part of it. When she opened them again she was drowning in a sea of stars. Millions and millions of small pinpoints of golden and white light shone down on her, each small illumination a small universe she would fit in her hand. How epic it all was. How beautiful.   
Now, the rain had stopped, and the world dried off. It sucked in the nutrients and become strong slowly once again...   
~ 

He closed his eyes to the world. Quietly, he listened to the sea. But it was not the whispers of the water that he heard, but the whispers of a voice. The whispers of a voice. His eyes opened, and the voice faded, but instead the face appeared. Was there no end? No. There was no end, just the begining now. The beginning of something on the horizon, glowing stronger and stronger. It would not do him any good to stay in Italy if his mind kept wandering to Japan. He would not pursue her though, for her friendship was something he prized above all other things, and if he lost that by pursuing her, his life would be one continual storm on the moor, his drowning slowly in his own blood.   
He decided, there and then, that he would leave for England at the end of the week. His body and mind did not work correctly without Tomoyo. It was as if some cosmic piece was missing, and he only worked when she was there. He did not act on this, of course, for fear is a very powerful thing. The fear of being rejected. He would sit back, and watch the autumn come to England, as it had done one year ago...   
~   
How did she feel about Eriol? He was a wonderful friend, of course, but didn't she also consider him something else? Something she could not describe. She would always feel so hot and flustered around him, and she always tried to look her best. She always would feel so hot, just like she had done with Sakura. However, Sakura would never be one with her, but Eriol.... It was not just the physical attraction and his gorgeous looks that drew her to him, it was his manner, his wit, his kindness, and frankness. All these things combined made him into something she could not describe. Eriol was a shadowy, and foggy, and this disturbed her. She did not like things to be this way, she liked things to be clear, and cut, and put into their little boxes. But Eriol was not like this, Eriol was something special that the world had yet to realize. So many things he could offer a person, and so much happiness he was denied.   
She often thought about him, and his face and body would haunt her dreams night after night since she had returned from Japan. Now it seemed he was the only thing on her mind. Something was wrong with her when he was not near. She often tried to suppress these feelings, and often for several minutes be able to do it, but then....it just happened that something reminded her of him. An example would be one day while she was looking through her jewelry she found the piece that he had given to her for Christmas. It's beauty still caught her breath. How lovely it was, how beautifully it shown in the weakening light of day. It glowed, a strange bluish white glow, that hid all the shadows of the world and only light was its friend. The carved face smiled up at her, the wise eyes, high brow, chiseled nose, and small smirking lips that formed a witty smile. It was the goddess Diana, or perhaps Hera. Her beauty shone far and wide across the land, and Tomoyo starred fixedly down at it, until the rustle of Meiru startled her. How kind it had been of Eriol to give her this. It must have been very expensive, but of course, Eriol was not known to be poor. The night flooded back to her. The actions, the words they had shared, the snow cool against the ground. It all flooded back to her. She felt the heat she had felt, and she could almost feel Eriol's fingers playing with the clasp around the back of her neck. She brushed her hand behind her head, and the sensation vanished. The dream died.   
~   
He took the pocket watch out of his coat. The images of field and clouds met his eyes. But most of all, it was the inscription that was the most important. He had translated it when he had returned home Christmas Eve. It meant ' it rains in my heart.' and on the other panel was the word 'window'. Quiet as it was he could still hear her slow breathes from that night. He could still feel her lips as she pressed them against his forehead. But why always his forehead? Did she fear his mouth? He longed to feel there's touching each others, exploring, parting, meeting, over and over. But, he satisfied himself with just being close to her. That sunny morning in Italy he could recall every word spoken, every blink of the eye, every bird over head. He would recall every single word she had spoken. Was he reading in-between the lines to think that she loved him, or was this just his testosterone taking hold of him, and yanking at him to see the impossible. But it was not her body he really longed to touch, it was more her wisdom. How could she be so insightful for someone so young and innocent? He knew she was still a virgin, for who could she have had sex with? Certainly not Sakura...unless there was something he was unaware of, and Tomoyo was not the type of girl to get into a one night stand with some boy. So, logically she had to be a virgin. He felt embarrassed compared to her. He had lost his virginity early in life, due to Kaho of course. The two had mated like wild dogs, but not one time could he remember distinctly. They were all a blur of passion and movement. He had never really figured there was a time in that bed that he needed to remember, for he thought that Kaho would have been with him much longer than she had. But her wisdom, ah, her wisdom that went beyond histories reach. The wisdom of things gone by, and things yet to be. Was she not aware of this?   
Would it be wrong to pursue Tomoyo? What if she declined his attention? How could he face her after that? Questions after questions poured like falling water one gush at a time. That night in the snow, how close they had been. If he had realized his feelings sooner he should have kissed her. Tomoyo knew that sooner or later he would figure it out, and that is why she left. Why was she so afraid? Why was she so afraid of love? Love was a painful thing if one abused it. Tomoyo's whole life had been one huge disappointment and torture, all due to love. She had watched her friend fall hopelessly in love, day by day, by day...   
~   
Her fingers hung like a dead man over the phone. Those numbers were now a swirling mixture of evil as they jumped and hopped to one another. It was torture. Why had she decided to this? What had caused her mind to even remotely consider calling Eriol? What could she say? He could still be in Italy, and then she would be stuck talking like some fool to his answering machine. How crazy it all was. And yet, why did her fingers hover instantly over the buttons yet to be pressed? Why did she find herself slowly punching down onto these buttons, and hearing the never changing ring that came from the receiver. It was not to late, not yet at least. Nobody had picked it up, and the answering machine had yet to be activated. Yes. She could hang up and no one would ever know. However, it was too late, for then she heard the voice coming in loud and clear through the thousands of miles that separated them.   
"Hello?"   
She dared not breathe. The voice repeated, "Hello?" It was the voice of Hiiragizawa. There was no doubt about that. The image of him flashed like electricity across her mind. He smiled in the vision, his eyes slightly squinting, but then the vision was gone, over, and done with.   
She choked slightly. Never the less, she found her voice and replied quietly, "Eriol, it's Tomoyo."   
There was silence, and she waited.   
~   
He had just arrived home. It was not as hot as he would have expected it to be in late August. The world was rapidly making the transition from summer to winter. Some of the leaves had already began to fall. But mostly, it was still like some lazy afternoon. The light was turning the ever familiar golden color, the color of strong tea, or something extremely brilliant. Suitcase in hand he unlocked the massive door. Nakuru was still in the taxi trying to find Spinel which she had hidden somewhere. From outside he heard the ring echo through the great house. It sang shrilly, and even through the unbreakable door its volume alerted his ears. Quickly, his gloved hand digging through his coat pocket he found the key, and quickly unlocked the door. How many rings had it been? Three or four perhaps, and as he dropped his suitcases as the edge of the stairs and made a run for the kitchen it was no on it's sixth ring. It was suprisingly that the person had not hung up. He grabbed the phone, and questioned into the instrument, "Hello?" Somebody was there, no doubt. He could hear the slow rhythmic breathing. Once again he questioned, "Hello?" A few seconds quickly passed by, and then, "Eriol, it's Tomoyo..."   
~   
"Eriol, it's Tomoyo..." the words hung in the air for the briefest of seconds. And then, "Tomoyo. How are you?" She smiled, her lips forming a crescent moon. How good it was to hear his voice. It was like a burst of cool air flowing from the sea. She answered, her voice warm, and happy. "I'm well thank you. What are you doing back in England so soon. I didn't expect you to be home."   
She heard his voice once again. It comforted her, caressed her, made her joyful to be alive. And yet at the same time it was abrupt, and full of the harsh wind that blew from the north.   
"Yes. Well. Business back in England caused us to shorten our trip. It seems that Nakuru is glad to be back though. I guess she has grown used to English food."   
Eriol rambled on, trying to make the hidden meanings clear for her. And yet, even he found himself confused.   
"That's good, I suppose. I mean, that Nakuru is happy. But, it's too bad you had to cancel your trip. The sun is so wonderful down there." Tomoyo sighed, her mind wandering back to the white beaches, and the cool water of the sea.   
"Yes. The sun was wonderful. But I must say my favorite time of day in Italy is the night time, and the morning. The heat of the day can sometimes be too strong."   
The night and morning. The time they had been together, only for the briefest of times.   
"Yes. That is true. Mysteries of Italy can only be seen in the dark, some say." Tomoyo sighed, her mouth whispering of unsaid things. Things that could only be touched in her memories. The words spoken, and the glances stolen.   
"Ostia was a very charming town." Eriol continued.   
"Yes...Ostia was very nice." Tomoyo agreed softly.   
A quiet moment was shared. The declarations could be almost heard and yet between the thousands of miles the words died out somewhere over Russia. And so only the silent words met their ear.   
And then, the silence was broken.   
"Eriol...I...." She paused. This silence was once again broken.   
"Yes, Tomoyo...?" Eriol questioned, gulping silently.   
"I should let you unpack..." She said, her head hung low in embarrassment. The time was over. Over. She could no longer say it.   
"I suppose. Well, I hope you are well." Eriol sighed, his hopes dropping.   
"I hope all of you are well. And Eriol do take care."   
And then the dial tone met his ears.   
~   
A part of her was missing...she had to go...   


Silently Eriol placed the phone down. He leaned against the cold counter, his dark hair hanging like vines over his face. What was all that? Why did he back out? Why did he not even begin? Was this a warning...? Of something on the horizon, slowly becoming clearer and clearer?   
~   
Her hands held the paper tight. As soon as she put it in the pile, there would be no turning back. She would be making a leap of faith. But what was she getting worried about? Of course, it could always not be excepted. But, of course it would. There would be no denying it. As soon as the faceless people laid eyes on it they would be begging for her to go, pleading. It was so very funny actually, her doing this act, her even thinking about it. Had her ego swelled so much since she had been back in Japan to even think that she might get excepted? Why was she doing this? And then, after she did, she would have to face him. However, what if he would not have her? What if she was forced to live in the place that used to cause her happiness, but was now sorrow. What if she was rejected? Why was she even doing this? She didn't even know if the feelings she had for them could be anything out of the ordinary. And yet, she found herself in this office, her hand suspended over the pile of random papers. As soon as she dropped these papers in, there would be no turning back. Why was she doing this? The answer whispered quietly throughout the office. _Why?_ she wondered again. Once again, the wind whispered to her the answer she would not hear. Not now, at least.   
She released her hand....her future would lie in these thin peices of milky whiteness, now tumbling into the pile.... 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

AN: Ho ho ho! Well, this turned out not to be the last chapter. Next chapter is the last chapter! Ho ho ho! Any ways. What is this paper work? Where is she going. Ah, common, you know already. ^_^; any ways. Next Chapter: Owari. What will happen?? Merry Christmas! (or rather, this is late, but oh well)   
sorry about any typo's or anything like that. *bows*   
feel free to e-mail me at:   
furinkoto_neko@yahoo.com   
Anyone seen lord of the rings? Dear lord that blond elf dude is a god. O.O;; *drools*   



	12. Chapter Twelve: Hajime

AN: Okay, minna, so here it is. The last and final chapter of Aki no Gensou. So far, I hope I have not let you fans down, and I hope this ending won't let you all down either. I wish myself luck as I write this, and hope I continue with your expectations. A word to the wise, this will not be mush, just romance. Nothing sappy, if you get my drift. At least, I will TRY not to make it sappy, but if it ends up sappy....I'm sorry. Any ways, I don't own Kondansha, ect ect ect. blah blah blah.   
and so....the last chapter...*cries* Also. I am still obsessed with the blonde haired elfish dude from Lord of the Rings. Does anybody know his real name, and his characters name? They needed to give him more lines dammit! Those eyes...those eyes...*faints* 

Aki no Gensou   
chapter 12 

It was October in Japan. The Japanese maple outside Tomoyo's apartment was aflame with color. The golden red leaves stood out for all the word to see, and the earth basked in it's beauty. However, this was no longer Tomoyo's apartment. It now belonged to some nameless, faceless person, which Tomoyo would never see or miss. Of course, she still lived in this wonderful apartment, at least for now, that is.   
Instead of the usual sunlight streaming in through her spotless windows, and onto her white rug, the room was now a scatter of brown earth colored boxes. And within these boxes was Tomoyo's life. Each precious detail had been packed, and securely fastened to these boxes, so now the only thing that remained was the appliances, and her bed, yet to have been taken down. It felt strange, her leaving now, for the future was uncertain. So many things lay hidden in the fog in front of her, and within a matter of a few days she would know where she stood in the world. But now, she was in Japan. The land she was used to, the land where she could always return if she was in the mood for some really good Okonomiyaki or Hoto from the Yamanashi prefecture. She was in the land where the sun rose, and where the moon fell. Of course, it made no sense, but to Tomoyo life here had never really made sense. In the moments before Sakura had become the magic keeper for all the elements, her life had been peaceful and she could see her life spread like a wide river before her. However, on that fateful day when she had so innocently opened the book that would change more than one life, Tomoyo's vision of the world had changed, and the slow moving waters had suddenly turned to rapids. Of course, it had been a fun ride through these white waters, adventure around each bend in the river. But now...she was ready to reach the ocean, ready to plan out her life once again. Slowly, over the years the rapids had lessened, and yet they were still there. However, in meeting Eriol again nearly two and a half years ago, her river and spread off into two branches. A life with him, or without. For a while she had taken the smoother route, which was of course, the life without him. And yet, while she had been in England her life had not been unenjoyable, and she found it very wonderful to cross over to the other branch of the water. Now, she was back in her chartered territory. However, once again she found herself yearning for the other branch. This decision she had made a month ago would be the final branch between the two rivers. If she took one route, she could never backtrack and take the other. What she was about to do was forever, whether the outcome be happy or sad.   
Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock, which echoed through the quiet house. Quickly, she grabbed her suit case, purse, and the cat carrier, where Meiru was asleep, and opened the door. They spoke not a word to her, for it was understood what must be done. Her hand pressed against the worn ivory elevator button and waited. Slowly she could hear it coming closer and closer, and yet it was still not quite there, she was still left waiting. Waiting.   
But then, the doors open, and she walked in. She found herself crying as she took one final look at the Japanese maple which she could see through the open door of the apartment, just right outside the window, and then the door closed, and she was slowly finding herself sinking, sinking...   
~   
That beautiful day out in the forest. That was what tortured him. The day in the forest. How perfect that day had been. How the world seemed to have expected something from the two on that day. The world expected romance, and love. And yet, it received none. His life was one day after another, one mindless day after another. Of course, life being boring had been extremely good for him. He had accomplished many things, read a few books, worked on his garden, composed a few pieces, and had decorated Kaho's room in a new manner. This room was now a mixture of cream, a dark plum sort of color, and a lighter shade. It was airy and light, and it was obvious what was on his mind when he created this room. Each day he would bring in fresh flowers and each day he would stare out the window into the leaf scattered courtyard. The leafs tumbled and turned and playfully wound throughout the air. Slowly winter was upon the world, but a little longer the world could hold out. For something very epic was on the brink of the horizon.   
~ 

She slept, and so did Meiru. It was better to be rested, for the world had not yet stopped spinning. All the changes, everything was different now. She realized she had to tell Sakura when her decision had been made. Sakura was all for it, of course, and Tomoyo was not totally unaware of the glint in her eye when the name 'Eriol' appeared a few times throughout their lengthy conversation. Li had too been there, a look of disgust on his face, but he was happy for Tomoyo. Happy that love had happened to her, even when she was not fully aware of it herself. The two had embraced, and cried together, for really London was quite far away, and how would Sakura bear Tomoyo's absence from her and Japan?...   
~   
He called her, one night. He had been resolved to tell her. But the phone was not picked up, and so, reluctantly, his conversation had been thrown by the side of the road, until he would be ready to pick it up again. Not hearing her voice for a course of a month was beginning to drive him mad. At times he would fantasize about her, her voice, and her words would come flowing back to him. Other nights, he would dream of his childhood, and when he awoke he would marvel at how he never had noticed her inner beauty when he was so young. It was his arrogance, of course, his arrogance had caused him to suffer so many things. He was just now beginning to realize this. Now as he looked out at the leaf strewn courtyard, he found his lips forming the one word which tortured his existence, "Tomoyo..."   
~   
She stood in front of the house, the old time worn house, the ivy slowly growing up the gray mass. The wind blew, and she found herself looking around the street, and then up to the windows where she searched for movement. Was she ready to do this? She was not sure. Perhaps she should go back to her apartment and begin to set up. But what was the point? What was the point of it all? The chairs and curtain rods did seem rather tempting, compared to standing outside the house. Quickly, once again her eyes scanned the street, all the pretty houses, with the colorful gardens, but none was so nice as the old medieval looking house of Hiiragizawa's. She did admit it felt wonderful to be back in the England she loved. Her feet began moving, and quickly she walked away, hoping no one had seen her. Fortunately Eriol had turned his back from the window to talk to Nakuru who had just walked in the room.   
~   
"Yes, Nakuru?" Eriol questioned. He was now situated in his study. For some time now he had been starring out the window, down at the street, and the neighbors houses. Nakuru, however, had broken his solitude, her gentle hand tapping against the door. He had turned, his eyes momentarily meeting. Her eyes were hard to read today. Strangely they had the look of Ruby Moon, which had been absent for so long, and yet they glinted, her magical powers still evidently present.   
"Eriol, I feel her. I feel Tomoyo is near." She said, leaning her body against the door, her hands wrapping around herself, as if she could bring warmth to her cooled body.   
"I do not sense anything. Are you all right? Maybe you are catching something and mixing powers with a flu bug." Eriol pondered, pouring himself a small dose of brandy, and handing the spherical cup to her. She did not drink it. Instead, she looked down into it's deep honey colored depths, contemplating it. She was wise once again. Of course, Nakuru was always wise, but at times she chose to wear the color of innocence, instead the deep blood red color of wisdom.   
"No. Eriol. I feel fine. But I can feel her presence. It's so strong, like she is very near to us." She urged on, her deep eyes a becoming the same color as the brandy which she sadly brought to her lips. The flavor burned her throat, but it felt good. The brandy calmed her, but did not put to rest her ideas. Instead, she calmly waited for his response.   
"Nakuru, you know perfectly well that she had no magical powers what so ever." Eriol said, his voice becoming cold, commanding. He did not want to talk about Tomoyo. Only he could think of her, and love her, she was no body else's but his. Only his.   
She moved from the doorway and walked towards him, placing the half filled brandy glass on a table. It sloshed slightly, and the tad of the heavy scented drink fell slowly to the ground. Her eyes met with them, her eyes were trying to convince him that she was right, but he would not give in so firmly, "Are you so sure, Eriol? I could have sworn the first time I met her, so long ago, I could have sworn I felt something powerful in her."   
His hand brushed this aside, as he poured himself a bit of brandy. All this talk of her was bringing him a headache. He gulped it down, it burned his throat, and yet the pain appealed to him, it was not totally unbearable. "I am sure it was just her life energy. Let us end this conversation." He was quickly becoming tired of the subject. His eyes began to have the cold look to them as they once had years before.   
Nakuru backed away a bit, and yet she was as strong as ever. Her voice was full of anger now, she nearly yelled at him as she left the room, "Don't let your love blind you from the most obvious things, Eriol." The door slammed behind her. She had the last word. But she was right, as much as Eriol refused to admit it. He did feel her power, as if she had been right outside in the street. With that he turned around, swiftly, quietly, and out of the far deepest corner of his eye he saw a flash of ebony, but then it was gone when he focused his eyes. He starred off into the corner of the window, past the trees which blocked his views. It was true, he had felt something. Something he only felt when she was around. Silently he pondered what Nakuru had said. Perhaps Tomoyo did hold some sort of power, perhaps not magical, but something more sacred than that. Something more beautiful.   
~   
_The Rendezvous._ Once again she was back the place that had brought her one of the most happiest memories, the memories of smiles and warm food. The Rendezvous was not something that she could actually describe, it was more a feeling. The sort of feeling one feels when one sits by a fire, and feels the warmth radiating off its flames. She sat down, and looked around. Yes, nothing had changed. The color was still bright and brilliant, the tables still had the thick cream table clothes, and a fresh brilliant flower was still in each vase. It was all the same, but something had changed. Maybe what had changed was her. It was hard to tell. Somehow she seemed more mature, less like the child she had been last fall. Yes, she had grown up, perhaps not allot, but noticeably so. There was something regal in her manner, something almost angelic.   
She ordered scones and tea, which was very good, but something was missing. She hated to admit it, but the conversation was missing, the smile of Eriol from across the table, the way he would be so frank and blunt, it would not make the experience the same. If she was to live in London, she never wanted to visit the Rendezvous alone again. Never again. Quickly she paid for her check and fled from the warmth, out into the road. The hazy sky over head was strangely depressing, the smell of winter was in the air, and she could feel the time she had slowly slipping away. It was all her head, she told herself, fall lasted until November here. But...winter could be coming early this year....   
~   
His hand reached inside his pocket. It was still there, its soft silky texture exciting his fingers. He took it out examined it. Still as beautiful as ever. The quiet soft violet ribbon. It read, in beautifully embroidered letters, 'To Tomoyo chan' and on the other side cherry blossoms were scattered poetically though it. How long had he had the ribbon? Well, before the wedding. Yes, as he did recall she left it at his house the day she had heard the news. The two had shared tea, how calm she had been after a while. The light had died in her that day. But slowly, ever slowly, it was beginning again. He used to call her Daijouji san, and then Tomoyo san, but now it was just...plan Tomoyo. He liked it that way. Of course, lately, he had not spoken to her, but he could imagine himself doing so right now. But it was the ribbon he was most curious about. He must not let his mind wander. He wondered, _Had she missed the ribbon? Did she even know it was gone?_ Part of him knew the answer. Of course she knew. He really should give it to her, he felt so guilty. For nearly a year now he had carried it with him everywhere, and when he longed to see Tomoyo he would take out the ribbon and inhale the strong beautiful scent of black tea and honey, the scent of Tomoyo. Nothing so flowery as the typical girl, but something classic, and natural. Tomoyo was classic and natural, like some sort of greek goddess she walked the earth. Like some beauteous elf she blessed the world with her presence. It was not good to to think of Tomoyo, and quickly he shoved the delicate ribbon back in his pocket, and sat down in the worn red leather chair, and began to read. He would _not _think about her. He would _not._   
_~_   
The day continued to cloud over, until the wide and never ending sky turned the color of grayish sort of milk. She hope it would not rain, but the gray was not depressing. She decided to stay home, and begin to get everything in order. Mountains and mountains of boxes had arrived in her absence, and Meiru jumped and glided over to each one. He seemed happy. Perhaps she would go over to the bed and breakfast and say hello to Inkblot. Meiru would soon get bored, for there would be no dark and dusty alleyways here. It was a nice part of town, not very crowded and rather old. She felt her life would happy here, and she would enjoy studying abroad in London on a permanent basis. It would rather nice, she told herself. But studying abroad was not the real reason she had come. The real reason was Eriol, to be close to him, to at least be his friend.   
She was in no mood to unpack, instead she was in the mood for something sweet. Quickly she hurried to the store, and bought a few of the essentials, tea, bread, rice, and for her own private indulgence three sugar cookies. While she put everything everything away she put of water on to boil. Right now was the perfect tea weather, gloomy, cold, and still. Anything to put her mind off of Eriol...   
~   
She awoke, scared, and frightened. Exactly where was she? Ah, yes, London. It was late in the day, around four. She must have fallen asleep when she sat down to rest. The apartment was quiet and dark, but the clouds had cleared away, and all that was left was the sky, clear and blue, small wispy clouds trailing throughout it. She was filled with sudden resolve, perhaps the rest had done it, but now she felt she had the courage to confront Eriol. She would go now. No second thoughts, no backwards glances, only the truth. She had to go to his house before this feeling died, and before she hid in far again.   
She ran hurriedly through the streets, the path suddenly becoming clear. She almost wished she would bump into him on the street, and no words would need to be spoken, and they would embrace. How fanciful that was. Instead she found herself hailing a taxi. How epic it all seemed, how like the end of some cheesy romantic movie it reminded her of. She could almost hear the music in the background, something slow and yet study like bubbles rising. It sang quietly, "Stay with me, be with me." She did not want to hear it, she did not want ot think of it. Nothing except sorrow would come to her, why was she expecting the unexpected? It would not happen. Not now. Not ever. And yet, she found her heart beating faster and faster. "Stay with me..."   
Really this was all ridculous...terribly ridiculous.   
~   
The day had cleared, and now it was bright and beautiful. No sadness would happen today. Yes, it was now perfect weather to be out in his garden. The golden sun light was just at the right angle. The air was cool, but not unbearable. The grass had dried out and was not spongy with moisture, and the clouds sped across the sky bringing both shadow and light, revealing the unseen. The time was perfect to go out. He would go to his sanctuary. He found himself walking down the cool marble stairs, as if almost in some sort of trance, quiet, and calm. He found his hand opening the great door, and then closing it firmly as he waked across the front lawn, and then onto the side pathway, a mixture of gray, white and black stones. He found himself ignoring the rose garden, walking past the vegetable garden, hardly glancing at the herb garden, barely noticing the orchard, brushing a stray hand past the zen garden, and floating through the rugged wild heather of his traditional garden. He found his legs leading him to the lead strewn courtyard, where a mixture of wet and new leaves coated the ground and more and more golden lights continued to fall one after another. The rusted chairs stood out quite beautiful against the cream colored stones, the cracks inlaid with years and years of moss. It was very beautiful, very sad. This was his sanctuary. Without noticing his hand reached into his pocket and brought out the ribbon. What trance was he in? Why was he like this? Without a soul, without life, he was standing there. He brought the piece of cloth up to his nose, and inhaled the heavenly scent. Today would have been the perfect day to take Tomoyo out on a drive into the country, to visit that forest that they had once shared together.   
He sat down, and hung his head, the quiet music began to play, its tune repeating over and over in his head. It reminded him of water, the droplets one after another falling into the glowing pool. Why was it today that he missed her so dearly? Why today?   
~   
All the lights were out. Perhaps they had all gone out, she mused. Now she felt deflated, and old. Nobody was home, it was all in vain. She should have stayed in Japan, and let herself find some mindless man in which she could clean and bake for. It was all so confusing, and she wished she had taken the easy way out. She wished she had never been here, at his house, starring up at his windows, to see nothing. Her watery glazed eyes slid down to the front gate. And then, they found themselves contemplating the whisper of the garden beyond her view. The scent of the roses was intoxicating. They were still blooming, in late October? She found her hand pushing against the worn white wood, and slowly stumbling into his property. It was deserted, and quiet, strangely so. How quiet and cold the world seemed now. Her feet moved, as if she was controlled robot. The world drifted past her, and as she rounded the bend around the edge of the house, the old brick walls of some enclosed space fell across in front of her eyes. The old crumbling brick, slowly being taken over by ivy and moss. The old rusted gate was slightly open. She should go. Now. She told herself. She forced her legs to turn around, and yet she stopped. A harsh wind blew, and leaves slapped her face angrily. It was as if the world was yelling, screaming insanely to turn around and continue. She was in no mood, and slowly turned around. There it was again, the old crumbling brick, the deep dark ivy slowly crawling up the wall, the old rusted gate...and just beyond this was sun bleached white marble, bright green moss growing in the crevices. As she neared the scene seemed to come into focus, two chairs orange with rust, and a glass topped table was revealed. She continued. The world was calm once again, the world was quiet. She paused, should she enter? There would be no harm. _Yes, go...go..._she heard herself whisper. 

Her feet once again moved, and the green grass whispered a bit. Her pale, smooth hand slowly pushed the rusted gate open. She was surrounded now by a wall of green ivy. It whispered. Quietly. The gate had creaked, a high pitch sort of cry, but now it had stopped. Out of the far corner of her eye she sensed movement. Slowly, burdened down with troubles beyond belief, she turned around. Her eyes widened, as the body slowly turned around. His voice echoed throughout the courtyard. No, he had not yet turned around, not yet seen Tomoyo. In a moment the world would change forever.   
"Nakuru, is that you--" Eriol questioned quietly as he turned around, quickly hiding the ribbon in his pocket. But no, it was not Nakuru, it was someone who should have been very far away. Now she was here, right in front of him, within his grasp, right there. His voice was hidden, and no words could he utter. There was no words shared, only the whisper of the wind as it ruffled the branches over head.   
Quiet...how quiet it all was now. The wind had died now, and now only their breathing and occasional chirping of birds could be heard. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, his voice returned to him, and his lips formed the word which had been running through his mind like some rushing mountain stream, "Tomoyo..."   
Her eyes were indeed hard to read. They looked quiet, and content. But why were they so glossy like a lake, why did it look as though she was about to cry? What was this expression she held? Yes, she was so very hard to read right now.   
Tomoyo stood standing in disbelief, her eyes still wide with surprise. But slowly, she allowed the happiness to crawl over her. How perfect the world was, how beautiful and wonderful it really was. No, the world was not cruel, the world was giving, it gave and gave at this moment.   
She whispered quietly, "Eriol..."   
Nothing else could be said, and yet it was at that moment. The embarrassment of old over took him, and he continued on quietly, "What are you doing here?"   
Oh, if only he knew. If only he knew why she was in England, why she had packed up and left. To her at the moment all this seemed like a dream. And yet she did not answer, for she did not want to. She wanted to shout out to him, yell to him above the courtyard walls. She wanted to tell the world. And then...the fear crept in, the fear of being alone. She would not say it, she could not. But, somewhere in her being she knew now was the perfect time, now was the time to tell him, now was the time to face the sorrow.   
No words were spoken, and how quiet the world seemed. Eriol stood gazing at her, his deep eyes trying to read her face, and the expression which was laid in stone so firmly down into it. His dark eyes could not read this expression of hers, nor did he want to. He just wanted to look at her face, the face he had missed for so long. Her beautiful face was something he could not describe. He was taken over by a flood of emotions, and he found himself walking towards her. They were so close now, and her face moved and she looked up at him. Questioning. What was he doing exactly? Why had he walked? And even as the asked himself these questions, he found his hands resting on her shoulders. How curious it really all was.   
Tomoyo found herself. She was as pure as fresh fallen snow, and all that she could say where her emotions which now flew out of her mouth freely like something that could not stop. Like the flowers blooming in the spring, she said the words which she had longed to say for so long, as long the feeling had been there.   
"Eriol. I really do not know how you will react to what I have to tell you. But, I have to say it, for I have been meaning to say it for so very long..." Tomoyo paused for a moment and then pulled out of Eriol's reach, and instead walked into the far corner of the garden from where she had entered, by the gate. If he rejected her she could easily escape through the rusted portal.   
Eriol could hardly believe his ears. Was this some sort of sick joke? He knew what was coming, but he could not believe it. He could not believe the world could be so giving if she spoke those three little words which caused him torture.   
"I love you." Tomoyo said. It really was not as hard as she had supposed it to be. At first she felt nothing, but slowly from her inner depths she felt the heat slowly rise, inch by inch by inch. I love you...I love you....She now realized she did love Eriol. She was not fully aware of the power that she loved him by until now, now it slammed into her like some metal train. She loved Eriol, and all the time she had. All the torment she had put herself with Sakura during the wedding, it was just her doubt about Eriol is disguise, all the heat she had felt, all the tenderness, it was all love. And she had not realized it. What a fool she had been. What a fool she had been not to realize that she was in...love. 

When she said those three little words, it was as if he was watching a movie. The world was not kind, the world would never let him find happiness again. But there it was, standing in front of him. There was his happiness. He wanted to tell her that he loved her too, for it was true. He had loved her ever since that first visit so long ago, ever since the two had shared tea in her sunlit apartment. Ever since then had he loved her. It had been growing on so gradually that he had hardly noticed. He now knew he loved her with a passion that had gone beyond his love for Kaho. This love was something entirely different from Kaho. This love was not on destiny, but on the common ground of mutual fondness and tenderness between two people. This love was based on a passion, and a longing that only the two had shared. This love was based on what love should be based on, which was of course: love.   
However, he could not find the words to say how he felt. He could not find the words to tell her of how he had longed for her, and wished for her. He could not find the words. It was strange that he should be so confused. Had love ever been this confusing, was it supposed to be? He did not know. With Kaho, it had been passion and sex from the beginning, but this love...he was in uncharted territory. He did not know what to say, and how to act. All he knew was that he loved her. But he must be calm....he must be. But, it was all so confusing, it was as if he was walking through a thick fog, trying to find a diamond on the ground. And yet, all he could look was a white blur. It was frightening. How could he be frightened though? He was Eriol, the great sorcerer that went from the beginning of time, to the end of it. The world was strange and unfamiliar now, the colors distorted and the world slowly was beginning to spin.   
What should he say? He loved her, but how could he say it? He could think of nothing. If he waited to long he would loose her forever. He slid his hand inside his pocket, and as he did so he remembered the ribbon. He really should give it back to her. He should. He walked forward. Her eyes were so hard to read right now, and he found that magic was no longer helpful. He was like everybody else in the world, confused and lost.   
He took his hand out of his pocket, the ribbon in hand. He reached out and gently, ever so gently took Tomoyo's smooth arm and raised it. She did not move, she did not even flinch. He slowly opened her closed hand, and within the small valley within it, he placed the ribbon. The smell of honey and black tea over took him. He looked down at her, and at that moment, their eyes met. He should have pulled away, he really should have, but he did not. Instead, he let himself drown effortless into those deep pools. Quiet was how the world seemed. It was no longer frightening, nor evil. The world was just the world now. Nothing more, nothing less.   
The two looked into each others faces, studying the face that they would see everyday when the woke up each morning. Each detail was noticed by the two, and nothing escaped them.   
The wind blew, hard and strong. The leaves danced across the wind. He found his arms slowly intertwining around her body. All he wanted to do now was to hold her, just to feel her body against his. To know that she was his forever. However, he had to say it. He had to say the three little words that tortured him when Kaho had passed away. He knew that if he let these words die, he would loose her, just as he had done Kaho. But first...a kiss.   
He bent down and quickly, in one fluid movement, he allowed their lips to meet. It was unlike anything he had experienced, unlike anything. The world spun, and became a blur. All the pain his life had dealt him, it was all cast off at this moment. He was as pure as he had been he was born. Only happiness remained, only the future now remained for him.   
Not only had Tomoyo been surprised when Eriol returned her ribbon, but she had been even more shocked when she felt his arms encircling her body, however, what surprised her beyond all things, was the fact that the he was kissing her. It was completely voluntary. The world was beautiful, the world was not cruel. Tomoyo all her life had been dissatisfied with the world, but now she had revealed the secret which had caused her pain all her life. The world was just what it was. At one moment it was beautiful and gentle, while at another it was unforgiving and cruel. All her life the world had been cruel, but finally like the end of the last winter storm, the world began to thaw and the crocus' were popping out all over the place.   
How beautiful the world really was...how simply wonderful.   
When the two parted, Eriol quietly whispered in her ear, "I love you, Tomoyo." It was not hard at all, but strangely the words just seemed to bounce off his lips as if they had been there all along and he had not known.   
The two walked quietly throughout the garden for the rest of the day, enjoying the beauty that surrounded them. The sun had now risen, and the shadows were no more. Nothing lurked in the shadows as it had done, for the world was cast into a glorious light. The world around them seemed to clap for joy, for the two had finally realized what had been there the whole time, which was of course love. When everyone heard the news that the two were a couple no one seemed particularly surprised, for everyone knew that the love had been their from the beginning. Of course, Li was not all that fond that he would now have to have Hiiragizawa in the family, but he was able to bear this when he saw how Tomoyo radiated with happiness. Tomoyo had never really been happy, she had never really known happiness, and now she often wondered how she had lived without it. When Nakuru heard the news she just laughed and laughed, glad that Eriol had finally found the one. That hazy fall day was beautiful for the two...for, as some say, friendship is a flower, but love...love is a sheltering tree... 

The End.   
  
  
  
  


AN: Okay, I hope I did not disappoint anyone. I am kind of sad that it is all over. Did I disappoint anyone? I tried to make it romantic, but not mush, you know? Did it turn out mush? *is all nervous arg. well. *sniff sniff* I am sad that it is over...I really am. Now what will I have to work on? Well, true there is "After" but that needs some MAJOR work. Should I write a 'afterward' to this story. I have no clue.....*sighs* Oh well. I hope you all liked the story as much as I did, and I hope that no one was disappointed in the end.   
furinkoto_neko@yahoo.com   



	13. Chapter Thirteen: Afterward, of sorts

AN: Okay Flamer here is your afterward, short, but sweet, although I like the way it came out. Although it it short, it has something I cannot describe. I hope I did not fail your standards. Ganbatte Arimasu.   
  


Aki no Genou: Afterward, of sorts   
  


The gentle sound of a coffee cup being placed upon the hard worn table, interrupted the silence. The thick layers of steam rose from its deep dark depths, mingling in the warm air that surrounded it. Tomoyo smiled, as she wrapped her hand around the cup, letting the sensation enlighten her. She looked down into its depths, her mind swirling as the coffee was right now. So many things had changed, or perhaps she was wrong, perhaps she had changed, and the world had only continued on, the same as it always had. She thought back to the day she had visited Eriol's house, that white washed day, now perfectly crystallized in her memory. It has all been to wonderful, like a fairy tale ending, but...she thought, there is never an end, not even in death. Her eyes glanced out onto the snow landscape that greeted her, the buildings had almost a gingerbread like appeal to them, their cozy glow resonating off them like a star. The multi-colored lights of Christmas reflected off of the snow, and onto the wet pavement which glistened in the setting sunlight. For a few moments that world caught its self in the last breathe of day, and then a long deep sigh came as the golden light disappeared, and a lavender light entered the stage.   
Once again she thought back to how much she had changed in this month. It was as if all her life had been one big fuzzy blur, but now things had come into focus and she had seen things she had never known were there. The thought of Sakura no longer tortured her, instead she continually yelled at herself for ever being so callous to the poor girl. However, it was not Sakura that she thought of, no, it was Eriol. A new life had taken over him, as if he too was a child, looking over at the world, curious and fumbling, and hoping to please. The two were children, both of them trying to figure this world as best they could embracing each other in support. It was a nice image, she concluded, the two of them young children again, holding on to each other.   
A quiet sound came from behind her, and before she could turn her head, she felt Eriol's warm lips on her cheek. "Good morning." he murmured quietly as he ran his finger through her hair.   
"Un..." she grinned, playing along with the banter. Indeed, how affectionate they had grown to each other.   
She looked up at him, studying his face. Had it changed at all? Yes, there was a definite change. Not anything physical, but something in his manner completely. The world did not haunt him anymore, and instead he was anxiously waiting to see what came next. There was a different glimmer in his eyes too, something more touching and sensitive, something that he would only show to Tomoyo. The thought sent a shiver up her spine, _Only to me...___

Eriol studied her fixedly, and could only find the look of contentment and happiness. There were no longer the dark thoughts which had forever plagued her mind, there were no longer any tears, and no longer isolation. The two seemed to be each others food, and water, clothes and shelter. It shocked him, as he stood their looking down at her, how much he wanted to be with her. How much he desperately wanted to live out each day of his life with her. He wanted to have a child with her, he wanted to know everything about her, he wanted to grow old with her. The thought frightened him, and yet at the same time made him smile. He was happy, yes, there was no other word for this, he was happy.   
He tried to remember when he had ever been happy before in his life. Yes, of course their was delusions of happiness, but nothing so great and powerful that he wanted to shout it out to the world. He felt that something was growing between them, an unbreakable love and trust that the two were beginning to weave together.   
"Do you want to go out tonight?" he questioned as he poured himself a cup of coffee, inhaling the almost overpowering scent.   
"Sure...afterall, it is Christmas eve." Tomoyo smiled as she looked at him, his body; the way it moved under the robe. It was amazing how gorgeous Eriol truly was. It was not his body, although this was indeed an added bonus, bit it was his intelligence and wit, sarcasm and cunning that drew him towards her. She did not think someone like him truly exhisted. She kept on having to remind herself that: Yes, Eriol is real. And he is yours.   
Eriol walked across the room, and to the table she was sitting at. She looked at him, half smiling. And then, she noticed something she had never noticed before, that Eriol was blushing. Eriol, blush? It did not seem like something he could EVER do! And yet, here he was, blushing and looking a bit nervous. Her eyes followed his hand as it reached into his pocket. Something small and box like emerged, and she looked at Eriol's face again. It was a mixture of hope and happiness.   
He opened the box, and a small simple band met her eyes. Before she could even speak, Eriol's rich low voice spoke for her, "I know it is too soon, but I want to give this to you in the hope that one day we can marry. However, until those vows are said, I want you to think of this as me letting you know that I am yours."   
Tomoyo smiled warmly, as she felt for Eriol's hand across the table. He looked relieved and content as his hand wrapped around hers. It began to grow darker, and the room along with it. The two looked at each other, content just to be holding hands. And slowly the day grew into night, and the stars up above shone down through the apartment window, casting a faint glow on the two.   
  
  
  
  


AN: Well?? Dou desu ka?? Hope it did not disappoint anyone. ^_^; e-mail me at: furinkoto_neko@Yahoo.com, and please be sure to review!!!   
PS: Gomen NASAI for ANY MIS SPELLED WORDS! I hate spelling. *grumble* 


End file.
